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n0tm3 (original poster member #37884) posted at 5:13 PM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
Has anyone ever drawn up a marriage contract after the A? I am considering doing it. I realize I will never have the marriage I want. I still love him and want to be married. I am not willing to put myself emotionally at risk again. I just can't. The reasons he has given me for why he did it does not convince me that he will not cross the line again if he finds himself in the same emotional place. Next option is what are the minimal things I need from him as a husband. I never one to marry anyone else. I am hoping that this will help give me some peace and less disappointment
in my marriage.
Me: BS 49
Him: WH 49
DDay #1: 12/17/12; OW 52 now D after 24 years
Married 21 years, friends since 1993
3 kids; 10,16,18
Reconciling
datura222 ( new member #39766) posted at 5:20 PM on Wednesday, August 7th, 2013
I am thinking of doing this as well. My husband is a SA though....I need to feel safe in order to try and heal, and with his addiction that is very difficult for me.
n0tm3 (original poster member #37884) posted at 6:48 PM on Friday, August 9th, 2013
I have looked into in some. My husband thinks it is a great idea. He doesn't seem to understand that this is my way of distancing myself from him. I just want him to do his part of the child rearing and home maintenance. I will do my part. We can have sex once a week if he is home at the appointed time otherwise he is out of luck. I need a way to survive each day with out my thoughts wrapped around him and his affair. I am tired of thinking of him and tired of waiting for him to wake up in away that I can trust him again.
Me: BS 49
Him: WH 49
DDay #1: 12/17/12; OW 52 now D after 24 years
Married 21 years, friends since 1993
3 kids; 10,16,18
Reconciling
3Xthefool ( member #40113) posted at 6:31 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
nOtm3,
It seems that you have decided to remain in the marriage with the idea that WH will continue with his affair and the contract is simply setting some groundrules & providing you with some protective measures should he decide to leave. Almost sounds like a marriage of convenience in which you are cohabitating for the sake of the children.
Do I understand you correctly?
I would speak to a lawyer about it. It sounds like what you want is a Post-Nuptial Agreement. A lawyer should be able to tell you if that is an option in the state in which you reside.
Good luck.
SecondHelping ( member #36796) posted at 6:59 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
I did not do a Post-Nup, but I drew up a 'Marriage Contract' right after DDay and I decided to R.
We reviewed it, made some changes and fWW didn't like the contract word, so we changed it to "Marriage Pledge". It talked about boundaries, consequences of broken promises, handling conflict, date nights, etc.
At least it put the items on the table and we agreed upon them. She has broken some of them since (mostly lying)and I have to remind her of the pledge, and then she gets it.
I don't think it's a legal document but it helped me/us.
D-Day 1: Feb 1990
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/2 week PA)
BS 49, fWW 43 (Amibroken)
OP- Police Chief (Age 37)
M 25 Yrs, 3 Kids (17, 14, 11)
I initated the relationship at the Railway Tavern, she tried to end it at Scrap Tavern
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