ps and before everybody starts to feel sorry for the woman or starts to suggest she may be showing signs of old age, her daughter says that she has been this way her whole life, which is why she has nothing to do with her, others in the family have verified that
If he can not seem to put bounderies up for your sake, then you need to make it 100% clear to him that you will start putting them up, and that he needs to be on YOUR side, not hers.
Loving your mother is perfectly acceptable, but expecting you wife to just 'go along with it' because he can't man up and actually have his own life is his issue.
There needs to be a conversation first - recorded if possible, that you are not comfortable with her coming over unannounced any longer, and that while visiting every once in a while is great, everyday is to much. Also, walking into the house without being invited in needs to end.
Then i would go about changing the locks and not giving her a key, and screening the phone calls.
The only other thing that I could suggest is to make yourself scarce. Go out and do things, go to a park and read, take a walk somewhere else, just not be home. I know it can't be every day, but at least that would give you a break
I doubt very much if she'll respect them even if they are put into place.
(((When))) I feel your pain... I had a disaster of a MIL in a previous relationship. The relief of not seeing her ever again was worth the pain of the D.
Locks and fences are boundaries.
It's only going to get worse, right?
Dreamboat is right. New locks on the doors, and new habits to keep them locked. Along with the new lock, install a speaker next to the doorbell by the front door, with a system that allows you to override it so she can push to talk, but you can also push to silence.
Seriously. Door is locked, I'm not opening it, no you can't come inside, please go home.
Maybe even a new fence around the house, or improvements to the fence so she can only come to the door, not walk around the house, not look in windows.
I wouldn't expect a conversation with her to have any actual effect. My guess is you can tell her your feelings, tell her what you want or what you will no longer tolerate, but she will figure out a way to defy you. Of course you need to have the conversation, but then you need some solid solid boundaries to enforce your decisions.
(((((hugs)))))) how awful. Wretched woman.
[This message edited by heartbroken_kk at 5:44 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]
I edit because I always make typos.