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Newest Member: Schattenfell (61077)

User Topic: Everyone is looking at you
♀ 39214
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

does anyone ever feel this way ?
i know most women who have stated freely that they were cheated on and dont mind being the victim and whenever i heard them i know i never judged her , just him ....what a pig right???

so why am i not that person?
i tend to relate more towards the men reaction to it all . which is keep it mostly to myself with the exception of very few and im ashamed and embarrassed .

i feel like everyone can smell the other person in our marriage though she never stayed long ( 3hrs from the meet to the kicking out) but that they all know . i feel the stares and the judgement and just dont feel like i did before . its more like ppl would look to me and say what was she doing wrong cause hes a good man that doesnt ask for much and does alot for his family .

i like a guy thought the ONS was a result of not giving him enough or it wasnt good enough . that im a poor lover and now i know im good i wasnt always top performance i know what the issue was now but i focus alot on sex still even though it really wasnt sex . we did it once a week most the time and i always wanted more but he didnt cause he wanted to play xbox so its a hard truth . no he wants me and i fear he get tired of it cause we still are young and this is forever you know

do you feel like the world is staring?
i dont want to go home and have the i told you so by my family i wont give them that.



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 10468
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I felt that way, too. Mainly because my ws told me it was my fault. I struggle with it because he was so quick to blame and so happy to shatter my self-esteem.

Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6712 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
♀ 40139
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that is very, very normal. I know I feel it - and I am very ashamed that I am guilty of thinking it of others in the past, before I was on this side of reality. My H's AP is half my age, half my size. I am a SAHM, never lost the 'baby weight', never have a clean house. I can almost hear it... 'Well, of course he was tempted to stray. Look at her. She didn't take care of him. She let herself go. He's a good man, the AP is so beautiful, who really can blame him?' Barf.

My husband and I both know the truth - I have supported him fully our whole marriage, I have encouraged him, praised him, 'validated' him. I have never spoken a bad word about him to anyone. I believed we had a one-in-a-million kind of love. We have a great sex life - 3-4x a week our whole marriage. We do all the kinky stuff. I admit I aged, I admit I gained too much weight, I admit I am a horrible house-keeper. That is not grounds for infidelity.

The humiliation my H has caused me through this is a large part of what I have to forgive him for. It is degrading, insulting, humiliating, embarrassing and completely unjustifiable. I have to forgive him for that.

Me: Believer, 40s
Him: Liar, 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R. It only hurts now when it rains.

Posts: 865 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 39906
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had this conversation the other night. The OW still works for us. I became involved in the business when I first suspected there was something going on. Now that I know there was, their contact has been cut back drastically and they only see each other when I am there. I know employee's notice this. You don't go from hundreds of texts a day to nothing. They won't even look at each other now (I'm sure it's because I'm there). Plus she went to throwing his name around on a daily basis to nothing. You would have to be blind not to notice. So to the employee's that didn't know about their EA, it looks like I'm a jealous, insecure wife who won't let him talk to his general manager any more. To the ones that do know, I look like the dumb wife that took 6 mths to find out my husband was having an EA and maybe more. And then I look like an idiot because she still works for us. I can't win. I can't wait for her to mess up so we can fire her.

Posts: 1825 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 37152
Member # 37152
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I feel that
I have at least a dozen families judging the way I handled myself
I have two sets of parents and family who think I am in the wrong weak and pathetic
I have my kids judgement
I have coworkers judgement
I have this feeling like I am a joke and everyone knows
She stole my husband
She messed up my career
She is trying to take over my family
And everyone is watching
Nothing I do is right
My STBXH stands by with his hands in the air like it isn't his problem
I can't clear my name with anyone cause telling the truth is not going to help anyone so I let people laugh and judge me
I am sure everyone can see right through me and know she is better than me just like my WH did
Paranoia is always a self loathing thought away

A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself
BS Me 43
WH 42
DD June 2nd '12
LTA (2+ yrs)
False R Many times from July '12 till now forced D
OW: acting like she is the wife

Posts: 191 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Guelph
♀ 28156
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of our nightmare was at and thru his work. SHe was coworker. I didnt even know she was hired, so I didnt supsect for awhile. I still have no information, I dont know who knows what, if anyone knows, so I am paranoid that everyone knows. I do attend functions, I have experienced every emotion possible, from embarrasment to rage, to being brave, to ignoring everyone. Its all a front. I am crumbling inside. It will always be this way. None of our family know. Not sure what the kids think.OW was an A s s. So I am sure she flirted and flaunted in front of everyone. She did in front of me, so I have no doubt.My H is dense. He probably thought nobody noticed. Yeah right.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 2934 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
♀ 38020
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS told people. He told his family, he shared with some of our friends. He did it, he said, to let it out and relieve some of his guilt. He thought I would feel comforted by the fact that people know, and know what a jerk he is and how great I am for staying.

I felt humiliated. I felt judged, and watched. I imagined conversations, and that people were thinking, "Wow, she isn't even good enough to keep her man faithful."

I know logically, nobody probably thought that or said that. I know, logically, that it was just me and my lack of self esteem and feeling self conscious.

But I completely hear you.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."

Posts: 879 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I live in a very small time. For the first couple of years after the divorce, I felt like everyone was looking at me/judging me when I went out in public.

My Wxh has a business, so he gets to talk to a lot of the locals. Obviously, they have only heard his side of the story (I'm busy working all the time).

Now, 5 years after the D - I couldn't care less what other people think. I do things alone or with guy friends all the time.

I'm just that that my life is that tittilating to others.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9154 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Topic Posts: 8

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