so why am i not that person?
i tend to relate more towards the men reaction to it all . which is keep it mostly to myself with the exception of very few and im ashamed and embarrassed .
i feel like everyone can smell the other person in our marriage though she never stayed long ( 3hrs from the meet to the kicking out) but that they all know . i feel the stares and the judgement and just dont feel like i did before . its more like ppl would look to me and say what was she doing wrong cause hes a good man that doesnt ask for much and does alot for his family .
i like a guy thought the ONS was a result of not giving him enough or it wasnt good enough . that im a poor lover and now i know im good i wasnt always top performance i know what the issue was now but i focus alot on sex still even though it really wasnt sex . we did it once a week most the time and i always wanted more but he didnt cause he wanted to play xbox so its a hard truth . no he wants me and i fear he get tired of it cause we still are young and this is forever you know
do you feel like the world is staring?
i dont want to go home and have the i told you so by my family i wont give them that.
I'M ON THE FENCE
My husband and I both know the truth - I have supported him fully our whole marriage, I have encouraged him, praised him, 'validated' him. I have never spoken a bad word about him to anyone. I believed we had a one-in-a-million kind of love. We have a great sex life - 3-4x a week our whole marriage. We do all the kinky stuff. I admit I aged, I admit I gained too much weight, I admit I am a horrible house-keeper. That is not grounds for infidelity.
The humiliation my H has caused me through this is a large part of what I have to forgive him for. It is degrading, insulting, humiliating, embarrassing and completely unjustifiable. I have to forgive him for that.
I felt humiliated. I felt judged, and watched. I imagined conversations, and that people were thinking, "Wow, she isn't even good enough to keep her man faithful."
I know logically, nobody probably thought that or said that. I know, logically, that it was just me and my lack of self esteem and feeling self conscious.
But I completely hear you.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
My Wxh has a business, so he gets to talk to a lot of the locals. Obviously, they have only heard his side of the story (I'm busy working all the time).
Now, 5 years after the D - I couldn't care less what other people think. I do things alone or with guy friends all the time.
I'm just that that my life is that tittilating to others.