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My mom missed my daughter's 1st birthday on Saturday. And, she has now sent me an email saying the following:

Since I have been permanently thrown off the island, I guess now is the time to pay me back for my $ 950.00. It's been over a year and if I am now not a part of the family, I would like to have my money.
Please don't make me go thru the court system, you already hate me enough.
Mom

I told her 2 months ago that I would give her some more money when I get my taxes back. I paid her back the $600 I owed her the last time I got my taxes back from when she helped me with my deposits on my apartment when I was pregnant and needed help. Then, my sister thought it was a bright idea to let her pay the discounted birth bill for Piper because I got a discount for paying it early. I wish I had gone through the hospital instead. I voiced this concern to my sister at the time too. I knew this would happen.

I've never asked my mom for help my entire life...until these 2 times.... and I guess if she has to take me to court...so be it. I don't have it. Period. And, I've told her that. I'm a single mom struggling to do this all by myself getting a measley $65 a month from the "supposedly" unemployed sperm donor....I had to sell things on Ebay this last week just to make ends meet after paying for Piper's birthday party!

I hate her.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 12:24 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]

(((shelly))) yikes! The dysfunction continues, I guess that isn't a surprise but it really, really sucks!

Curious, why does she think she's been "thrown off the island"?

Curious, why does she think she's been "thrown off the island"?

Probably because when she purposely turned her cell phone off on my sister and avoided her phone calls to come pick her up for Piper's birthday party, my sister left her a few choice voicemails in response.... (not that she didn't deserve them!) I never said a word. She wasn't worth my anger or my breath.

It's a manipulative ploy. I wouldn't even respond. Let her take you to small claims if being a bitch is that important to her.

Shelly--tell her to take her story to court. That you'd LOVE to hear her tell a judge what kind of mother she's been and how she's trying to blackmail you, a single mother who gets no support from your baby's SD, who works HARD to meet your responsibilities as a mother and citizen, who WORKS for a living and doesn't ask for help despite limited resources, for a freaking $950.00. And tell her you will be sure to invite your dad, your sister and every single one of the people who love and support you so they can hear it too.

Tell her to bring it on.
I swear, sweetie--if you lived closer to me I would adopt you and Piper myself. I always wanted another daughter!

Hang in there, you poor baby. What she does and what she says is absolutely NO reflection on you!

(((((Shellybeanz)))))

What a sad excuse for a mother... keep your chin up!

((Shelly))

Wow, just WOW. I am speechless, and soooooooooo incredibly sorry, Shelly.

Taking her DAUGHTER to court for less than $1,000?

WOW.

I swear, sweetie--if you lived closer to me I would adopt you and Piper myself. I always wanted another daughter!

I might move closer to you! LOL! I would kill to have a REAL mother ....and a real grandmother for my daughter. My mother is a poor excuse for a human being....

Some people have no soul.

However hard and hurtful her behavior at the weekend was... Maybe it is a blessing in disguise.

She sounds horrendously toxic and mean. Not really the kind person Piper needs in her life.

She has opted out.... It truly sounds like that may be the very best thing
For you all.

Imagine if she was living with you or popping in every day... Imagine that toxicity every day ......

It really sounds like you will be better without her.

As for the money.... WOW!!!!

I would go NC. It sounds like an empty threat to me.

Did she put in writing to you that it was a loan???

If not I think it would legally be considered a gift.

Hugs to you and Piper.

I'm so sorry that you don't have a proper mom for you and grandma for your daughter. I'm not a grandma yet but I can't imagine missing a grandbaby's birthday.

hugs

Shelly,

Seriously. Why not just cut her out of your life?

Just because she is your manipulative, vindictive, crazy mother doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with her. Of any kind.

People do "disown" their parents.

At any rate, step away from the crazy

Let her take you to court. They have this thing called a payment plan. I would not respond to her. Just ignore her!

I agree with cutting her out of your life. She is toxic and harmful to your heart. Everything that comes out of her mouth (or in writing) wears you down further. That toxicity will only trickle down to Piper, and you do not want that.

I'd ignore her stupid blackmail. Let her threaten. She is no mother. Anyone who would take her daughter to court for something like that, is NO MOTHER. Imagine you treating Piper that way?! No, you never would.

I'm so, so sorry, Shelly. I can't even imagine the pain you are experiencing. ((((hugs))))

I'm so sorry She11y ! Some people don't deserve to be a parent or grandparent.
Time to take another toxic person out of your life. Keep her arms length and never close enough to ever hurt you or Piper again.Yeah,I adopt kids and grandkids too. There's millions of us out there.
Gma

I can't imagine missing a grandbaby's birthday.

I can't either....and I can promise you that if and when my daughter has children of her own.... I will be an awesome grandmother!!

SB,
The door is always open and the Midwest is a great place to raise a family. Slight warning:
You would be exchanging one kind of crazy for another. However, our kind of crazy comes with unconditional love and support, never, EVER missing a birthday or any other reason to celebrate and a whole lot of bad shit for anyone who dares to hurt one of "ours." The women in my family are downright scary when that happens but we can't help it. Sicilian ancestors --what are you gonna do??

My mom used to behave the exact same way. My only advice is DO NOT ENGAGE - not one bit. Do not reply, nothing. It's like a toddler, they want attention, even if it's negative attention.

If you want to, and are able to, send her $20 per month, but keep copies of the checks(or money orders) and the repayments. Maybe write "Balance now due - $930" on the memo line. (Or don't) I wouldn't acknowledge anything she's said in any other way. Then when you do get your tax refund send her the balance with a memo showing "Balance now due: -0-" and leave it at that.

Do not give her any other emotional energy.

((Shelly)) I KNOW how hard this is - you've dealt with this disapproval and anger your entire life, I did the same. You have to turn it around now, and take back your power - she does not get to manipulate and control you with her anger - not any more. It's not easy and it takes practice, but it gets easier.

Weirdly enough, XWH is the one who helped me learn to set the appropriate boundaries with my mother. Crazy huh?

It's a manipulative ploy. I wouldn't even respond. Let her take you to small claims if being a bitch is that important to her.

BINGO

NC (but you know that).

Pay her back on the schedule you promised.

Let her "take you to court." Seriously, if there isn't anything in writing about it being a loan only, it's going to be judged a gift, and then your tool of a mother will have wasted time and money on small claims court. I doubt that you will even need to spend any money on a lawyer or legal advice. Take your documentation if it gets to court.

I'm sorry your mom is such a loser. *You* are clearly an awesome mom!