You know that country song, by Jo Dee Messina? It has a line -- "you twisted my heart till something snapped inside."
Well, that happened to me last week. It was when our 4yo asked my WH, "Daddy, why are you living with Grandma and Grandpa?" And he said, "Well, buddy, I like it better over there." And then he said goodbye and left. I sat there stunned, and then I cried a little and told the kids that I wanted them to know that they had NOTHING to do with the reason their daddy was happier living somewhere else.
I was LIVID. He moved out over six weeks ago and does nothing but go to work and hang around in his parents' basement, and he couldn't haul his ass down to the library (two minutes) away or use freaking GOOGLE to find out a little more appropriate way to explain this to a 4-year-old.
I found out a few days later that he told them (without telling me afterward) that "sometimes adults change the way they feel about each other, but they don't change the way they feel about their kids." I told him, "Please tell the kids that 'Mommy and Daddy aren't agreeing on a lot of things.' I don't need them asking questions about WHY we feel differently about each other, or wondering if other adults, like their grandparents, are going to 'suddenly' change the way they feel."
I've also given him two weeks to get his things out of the house. I told him, "My family home is NOT your storage facility. You've made it clear you don't want to live here with us, so there's no reason for your things to be here, and frankly, we need the space. Please don't forget to take your fish tanks, too." (I don't want to deal with maintaining them.)
There is nothing like watching your WH break your kids' hearts to make you really put those bitch boots on.
I've applied for several jobs and gotten a callback about one. The pay isn't great, but the benefits are terrific, they have an on-site daycare, and a friend worked there before moving and LOVED it. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
He still hasn't filed. I'm starting to think more seriously about doing it myself, frankly. Still not quite sure I'm there yet, but the idea sounds more appealing by the day.
41, BS, divorced four years
“Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience.”