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Newest Member: marierose913 (46009)

User Topic: Sudden realization
pearlharbr
♀ 38072
Member # 38072
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 4.5 years out from dday. The first two years were up and down, we separated for spring 2011 so I could decide what I wanted. After a lot of soul searching I decided I wanted to R and to commit fully. We got engaged in Dec and eloped on NYE for a lot of reasons.

Today I was reading on SI and thinking about the fact that he swears he never had OW in his truck but I don't believe him. I accepted this a long time ago so that's not really the issue. I think he's lying about her being in the truck because I know that during the A he took her to a ski resort for a holiday weekend and he always prefers to drive so therefore they would have taken his truck to the mountains.

Then it hit me out of the blue -- they went away for New Year's. He was off screwing OW on a holiday that is now our wedding anniversary.

I don't know why that never occurred to me or bothered me before. (I knew when it happened because I had a keylogger on his laptop.) Now I feel like I was punched in his stomach. And I'm not sure how I will take it if I can get proof he drove up to the mountains and therefore lied about having OW in his truck.

If you asked me yesterday, hell even this morning, I would have told you that I was pretty much healed from the A but now I'm reeling. Hoping this is just a small bump in the road.

I just needed to write it out, I need to work through triggers immediately and didn't want to unleash on H over the phone while he's at work.

Deep breaths.


Me: BSO, 40 / Him: WSO, 40
Together since 2000
DDay: 11/08 A with COW
Reconciled, Married 12/11

Posts: 47 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: PacNW
Undone1
♀ 37683
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((pearlharbor))

Sorry...I hope you can put it behind you. Knowing whether he used the truck or not does not change the past.

There is another thread going on about selling those things that are a trigger, like cars, beds and furniture. I personally would sell the truck.


Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
2married2quit
♂ 36555
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why don't you ask him. "hun, I've got this curiosity..."

Just don't let it hurt what you've worked so hard to build.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1446 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
pearlharbr
♀ 38072
Member # 38072
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies. I'm working through the trigger.

I have asked him about the truck, several times. Each time he says no, she was never in it. But logically it doesn't make sense and my gut tells me that is not true. I chose to let it go years ago because I decided it really wasn't important.

Today I'm hung up on the shared holiday of romantic weekend away with OW and our wedding anniversary.

My DB friends have reminded me that he has been remorseful and had done a lot to make it up to me the past four years. I need to remember the big picture and that we chose to move forward together.


Me: BSO, 40 / Him: WSO, 40
Together since 2000
DDay: 11/08 A with COW
Reconciled, Married 12/11

Posts: 47 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: PacNW
Lonelygirl10
♀ 39850
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am far from being an expert on this subject... but I would think that the lie would bother me more than whether she was actually in the truck or not. I just want my WS to tell the truth.


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1339 | Registered: Jul 2013
pearlharbr
♀ 38072
Member # 38072
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, lonelygirl10, the lie IS more important. We went several rounds about this early in R. The lying to me was more hurtful than anything else. But without any proof one way or another I had to decide whether to believe his denials or not. Since he was fully transparent and my checking up on him didn't turn up anything else I decided to let it go.


Me: BSO, 40 / Him: WSO, 40
Together since 2000
DDay: 11/08 A with COW
Reconciled, Married 12/11

Posts: 47 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: PacNW
Topic Posts: 6

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