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Should I be concerned about OM?

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2married2quit posted 8/7/2013 15:59 PM

So OM befriended a friend of my FWW on facebook. She's moving now (used to work with him)and is going to work where my W works. He's never been friends with her on FB till now. To keep tabs and see if she'll say anything about my W?

Should I warn my W?
Should I talk to my W's friend?

Or am I over reacting?

unfound posted 8/7/2013 16:50 PM

Don't "warn" your W, talk with her about it. Form a plan for if there needs to be any action taken due to inappropriateness or meddling.

I wouldn't involve the friend at all. Your lives are none of her business (unless she is a friend of the M and knows the history).

Main thing is to work out what you will do with your W.

StillGoing posted 8/7/2013 18:21 PM

Talk to your wife, ignore him until he becomes too blatant, then be that sleeping dog that LEAPS INTO THE AIR WITH FOAM ON HIS TEETH AND SAYS I WILL EAT YOUR FUCKING HAND IF YOU TRY THAT SHIT AGAIN YOU RANCID DRIBBLING FUCK CAKE. Then ignore him again. I mean don't actually bite him or anything, it's a metaphor.

HeartInADustpan posted 8/7/2013 18:28 PM


That ranks as one of the best insults I've heard.

Seriously, agreeing with what has already been said. Talk to your W. Explain your fears and come up with a plan of action together.

[This message edited by HeartInADustpan at 6:28 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]

SI Staff posted 8/7/2013 18:45 PM


Please remember that this is the Reconciliation Forum and post accordingly.

Thank you.

StillGoing posted 8/7/2013 18:56 PM


2married2quit posted 8/8/2013 09:04 AM

So I discussed it with my W. She got pissed and told me she preferred not to know. Pissed because when she hangs with her friends, she will be very self conscious about any tagging, photos..etc. It's obvious he's wanting to see what's going on with my W's life.

What pisses me off is that I can't stop it. I can't do much about it. It's a very subtle way of Mr. OM to keep up with my W's life. Even though she has blocked him on FB. If I'd ask him, he'd deny it, but how can you trust a friend that was caught messing with your W? Wish I could tell his BS. I WISH!!!!

2married2quit posted 8/8/2013 09:05 AM

StillGoing - LOL. Thank you! Well said, good idea.

karmahappens posted 8/8/2013 09:07 AM

Why doesn't your wife block OM? It will be as though the two of them do not exist to each other on FB.

Or get rid of FB all together. There is no value in it and nobody would suffer if it were gone...

2married2quit posted 8/8/2013 09:11 AM

karmahappens - She did block him. But he friended her friends from work. So if they snap a photo and post, he'll see. She doesn't want to explain to friends.

karmahappens posted 8/8/2013 09:17 AM

Gotcha. sorry.

I would have to say good-bye to the social media until I was in a very comfortable position.

It made me feel so unsafe initially.

If she keeps it I would have to say you just need to keep communication open. You can't follow him around to see who he is following to see her ...KWIM? It becomes crazy-making

Creepy if he is really doing it to watch her.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 9:17 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]

2married2quit posted 8/8/2013 09:20 AM

karmahappens - from what I've heard he's a lurker. Yes, I can't keep track of all the activity he does and frankly I don't want to. It's best my W and I have a united front. I just HATE that he'll see her photos online. I HATE IT!

What this tells me is that he still has feelings for her. What a goon! His W should look after his FB activity more.

2married2quit posted 8/8/2013 10:24 AM

This has made me SO UPSET today that I'm triggering like mad. HUH...anxiety!

Tred posted 8/8/2013 10:27 AM

His W should look after his FB activity more

Maybe she should get an anonymous tip as to what he is up to...and as for seeing photos of your wife, can you make a rule that her friends don't tag her unless you are in the photo with her?

2married2quit posted 8/8/2013 10:31 AM

Tred - yeah, but sometimes they go out all girls. I get what you're saying and you're right. We just didn't want to make a bigger deal about it with her friends.

As far as an anonymous tip, how does one do this? Any ideas?

2married2quit posted 8/9/2013 12:16 PM

Wondering if I should tell her friends. The idea of an anonymous tip to his BS is not a bad idea, but I'd like it to where it CAN'T BE TRACED.

StillGoing posted 8/9/2013 15:06 PM

Brother, you are obsessing about this too much. You are giving this guy too much power.

I just HATE that he'll see her photos online. I HATE IT!

Why? He's seen a lot more than that, and those aren't anything anyone else can't see. For all you know he could have printed her face on a body pillow, filled it with that magical cologne from CVS and snuggle it every night.

The important thing is that your wife doesn't care and keeps him blocked, and that you do the same. So long as he is not invading your life, don't give him an in by caring about what he does.

Definitely tell his BW, but do it so she knows he is still sniffing around - I'm assuming you'd want her to inform you if your wife was doing the same.


I wouldn't bother telling her friends because that involves people who don't need to be involved, IMO.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 3:07 PM, August 9th (Friday)]

2married2quit posted 8/9/2013 15:47 PM

StillGoing - Thank you. You're right.

I just don't know about telling his BS ya know. I haven't spoken to her since last year. Don't wanna shake things up without a serious cause. But he is sniffing around alright.

2married2quit posted 8/12/2013 15:56 PM

Needless to say, this little happening shook us up this weekend. Took a few steps back, but it was for the better.

Knowing posted 8/12/2013 17:25 PM

Since most of us here agree that it's a WS brokenness that causes infidelity and not the presence or availability or an AP... Then maybe, just maybe, the problem is not OM's proximity, but rather her behaviour, as in going out without you, or Facebook in general?

Could you demand that she give up those 2 things, that are clearly bothering you, as requirements for R?

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