I realize he doesn't love me like I love him and I think he'll be happy if I leave him. So I need to get the strength to get off the roller coaster. I can never ever forgive or forget so I need to leave now while I'm in my 30s. This is my mantra and it works until I see him and talk to him. Then I want to stay in la la land forever. I know it's la la land. I just want my old life back. The one I thought I had and minus the cheating.
At least this fence is mine to own and
These times can be tough. Are you taking care of yourself?
You can't measure love. Love is a decision. We make a decision everyday if and who we are going to love and how will demonstrate that love.
No two people are alike and how they demonstrate and show love can be very different.
You CAN however, define your boundaries. What you are willing to put up with and what you aren't. The web site visit. Meeting other's etc.
Gently...you will never have your old life back. It's gone. And would you really want it? It was filled with lies and deceit.
You can build a new life. A life you know is authentic and real. That may or may not be with your WH.
You did NOTHING to deserve this. NOTHING. Please know this.
He is broken. You can't fix him because you didn't break him. Only he can take control and do some real soul searching to see if this is truly the man he wants to be.
You deserve more. Love, honesty and truth.
Don't give up on you. You are awesome.
Prayers and hugs
There are so many thoughts/feelings and it's normal!
Not sure how knew all of this is for you, but it is okay not to make a decision to D or R right away. Either one will affect your life forever, so you need to be as sure as you can be making which ever decision you make!
My roller coaster ride has gone loopy the past few days, and honestly, I am ready to get off. I still don't see an end in site, whether it be R or D. Sometimes, the not knowing what I want for ME and our daughter, is worse then the EA itself!
It does get better, unfortunately it takes time, and sometimes it 1 minute seems like a day!