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Newest Member: ashm7 (60758)

User Topic: One year ago
♀ 37152
Member # 37152
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One year ago he knew what was important and wanted to make things right for us and our family
We went on our family vacation as a family we were planning our careers and talking about future
It was all crap and continued to be a load of crap all year
Just three weeks ago he told me he needed space and I gave it to him and yesterday his girlfriend dropped the bomb that she is still with him and they are taking my kids on vacation with them next week
WTF WH said they were done almost everyday for 4 months
He has pulled this false R so many times I can't count and I knew we were in limbo or something but it still is shocking what an a hole he is
And it was not true one day
He loved me and our family ? One month ago and now he loves her
Last year I was there with his parents and now they are allowing her to take my spot without a word
She got a job in my field why!
She treats me like a child who is in the way of her life and can't understand what true love is and how my WH and her are soul mates
My kids are upset and the first time my 17yr old daughter will meet her is on this two week vacation
Holy crap are they all retarded
This will be so hard for her and no one seems to care
I feel sick
I am in NC so I am trying not to yell or freak but who are these people
Why am I still the only one who knows right from wrong?
This woman is a bitch who has never been married at 38 and just wants that all all cost
My STBXWH is a coward who can't make up his mind and knows I love him and have always cleaned up his messes I will fix this when he is done and make it all better
My I laws are assholes
I am a codependent hopeless idiot
I want to blow the whistle with his family and with his job but I know it won't do any good anyway
I could ruin him with two emails
But he would still be an idiot
What do I do
How do I make it all work
Why do I let this happen

A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself
BS Me 43
WH 42
DD June 2nd '12
LTA (2+ yrs)
False R Many times from July '12 till now forced D
OW: acting like she is the wife

Posts: 191 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Guelph
♀ 36559
Member # 36559
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont know why they act so horribly. I'm sure someone will be along with fantastic advice. I just wanted you to know you've been heard. Hugs.

Me 36
DS 16
DD 4


I've made a huge mistake - GOB

Posts: 71 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: missmydogs
♀ 23266
Member # 23266
Default  Posted: 1:48 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry your world has been smashed to pieces by these two thoughtless and self centered jerks.

The best you can do is to mitigate the damage to your daughter and yourself. Start by seeing that your WH doesn't have what it takes to be in healthy relationship with you or anybody else.

Walk away from him and towards a more healthy relationship with yourself. You may say to yourself that you can't give up and let go. But from where I sit, you don't have a choice. Do it now and shield yourself from continued grief. Or do it later after you have suffered again and again. It's your choice of when to do it. The sooner you do it the better off you'll be.

Me: BS, 56
Him: WH, 50
5+ DDAYS; 10+ OW
Two sons, 16 & 18
M 19 yrs - detaching to divorce
In-house Separation since 7/2012

Posts: 393 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: California
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:23 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my gosh, what a punch in the gut!

I'm thinking your 17-yo DD is legally old enough to choose not to go on this vacation.

I'm thinking you need to talk to a lawyer tomorrow. Immediately. I'm thinking you need to do a cash grab & set up an account for yourself. I'm thinking that you might have a legal leg to tell your WH that no, he's not taking the kids on this vacation, that it would be very damaging to them psychologically.

I'm thinking you need to get your kids in to see a counselor immediately.

Gently, I think you need to get off your youknowwhat and take some action. You say you're codependent? Okay, I know all about that. I know that one way to rid yourself of that curse is to take action. Do something!

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 37152
Member # 37152
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks I want to do something but all something's feel like I am being pathetic and petty and he gets off looking like the man in love with the crazy XW
what about this
I email his boss and tell them about his actions with OW and how he is double dipping on expenses
I email his family the following
Dear POS's family
I have no idea how this all came to this but I need to take control of my families life since I have allowed my STBXH to let it slide down this slope
My husband never helped with anything in our lives
I have a problem with codependency and I have cleaned up his messes and covered up for him and made his life work no matter how bad it got. Like I would have for an acholic or drug attic but POS's problems are a little less visible but no less destructive
My loving son has met OW a couple of times and each time POS assures him he won't do that again and that he is going to make things fine
My abandoned daughter has not had one encounter not one heart to heart about her existence nothing and now she is being expected to enjoy a family vacation with her ? the person who has inflicted so much pain on her mother and taken her father away.,, family!?!?
And my family who accepted me as a last resort and never once appologized for the way I was treated
like I was the problem all the while I did everything I could to ensure we remained close
your POS son didn't mention a party or a holiday till days before and I would change all our plans to make it work my family always came last cause they are real family who include and love and support
I was made to sleep separately when I was first pregnant with abandoned daughter but some how the mistress whore gets to go to family weddings and family vacations and spend quality time and sleep with my still legal husband
POS abandoned us while we tried to help him and forgive him and love him and instead of standing up and teaching him right from wrong or what love and family are all about you laid down and supported the crazy he made me and his kids endured
Since I opened up to you all in Sept about the affair ( which I never would have if POS has not continued it and continued to play games and make me look like the problem) I have not heard from anyone accept POS mother saying sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted hope you can still work together
your POS son has destroyed my life in almost every way he can and he continues to act like a sociopath and that is the sympathy I get from your family
The reason I have never been in regular contact with any of you was because as far as I knew we were married and Don was in contact as he updated me and he never included me and I was unaware of the issue until his affair came to light
Your sons lack of progress and responsibility is all him his unhappiness is all him and his poor choices are all him and none of you can be held responsible for it any more that I should be
But for you to not support your grand kids and allow this disgusting family vacation makes you part of the problem
POS had told me he loved me and was going to make all this work almost every day from April till July 13th at which time he yelled at me blamed me and stopped contact
the next contact I has OW texting me that she would be going on vacation with POS in a week
One Week!!!
POS owes me over 7000 in child support and has no debt repayment plan and I have had my wages garnished and endured torture and abuse for years at the hands of POS and you will accept his accomplis knowing how much it will hurt me and my kids
I am dissapointed in you
I love my family more than anything
and stood by your family and your POS through things no one should have to endure
I will be fine
I will make everything ok like I always do but thought you should all know a little more of the truth that you are likely getting from POS
have a great summer

worth sending or just venting??
what can I do?

A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself
BS Me 43
WH 42
DD June 2nd '12
LTA (2+ yrs)
False R Many times from July '12 till now forced D
OW: acting like she is the wife

Posts: 191 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Guelph
Topic Posts: 5

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