SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

tnt08 posted 8/8/2013 06:18 AM

i've been married 10 years. i'm 37 years old. i have a 2 year old son and 4 year old daughter. my husband has a long history of being dishonest and we've been to therapy to work on that through the years. he has a history of blurred boundaries but i never thought he would engage in a sexual affair. he was seeing a licensed hypnotherapist and life coach for anger management...to help our marriage and family life. i caught him having lunch with her and at that point told him unless the visits are restricted to office visits it is not therapy but a date and attributed it to his blurred boundaries. they did sublet office space in the same building so i somewhat understood. he still promised not to cross those lines and said he hadn't continued seeing her in any way even for therapy. he did not confess even when presented with clear texts. he made up a crazy story about the texts and how some of them were jokes and it was a group text. he shared this lie with her b/c when i confronted her she had the same story. the next day his ex wife happened to write another one of her crazy emails and stated that he is just mean to her b/c he never wanted me to find out he tried to reconcile with her while we were engaged. they divorced because of she accused him of an affair. he said the emotional affair happened and then he left and began a sexual affair. his wife was pregnant at the time and their child is now 12. when she agreed to a lie detector he admitted that they had one last should we work it out for the sake of the child convo. he has always maintained that he hated her as a wife and would have never gone back. once that truth came out and he was scheduled for a lie detector regarding the current affair, he admitted to the current affair. he shows remorse, says he wants to stay together. how can i trust him ever again with all of this history? we are seeing a therapist. he is living with his parents as of 2 days ago. i'm lost. i want my marriage but don't know if i have the courage to face what he has done for the rest of my life.

SoVerySadNow posted 8/8/2013 06:50 AM

Wow, she's unprofessional at best. You should report her to the BBB and whomever licenses her.
And your husband needs to get into real therapy with someone qualified. Since boundaries seem to be an issue for him, and you will perhaps have concerns, it seems better for it to be a male therapist.
I'm sorry you've had to find us. There's lots to read, plenty of great support here.

ShedSomeLight posted 8/8/2013 10:18 AM

I'm so sorry.... We are all here in a place where we do not want to be. Be kind to yourself and find your "power". I signed up for Martial Arts and it is really helping my anger. I agreed to go to therapy and he is VERY sorry, crying and freaking -out. I know that he is sick in side for hurting me. I found out because the woman he was having an affair with decided to "stalk" me after he wanted to end it with her. He was always home at night. He was meeting her for sex during his lunch hours. So..here I am ! We have no children, but we do have a beautiful dog that he bought me for my Birthday on may 17th. He is the absolute love of my life. So, if I decide to leave the relationship, my dog is coming with me. We are trying therapy, but I am not sure what my feeing are right now. I am just doing things to make myself happy. I am taking martial arts...going to the gym, getting a new tattoo ! Be kind to yourself.

Skan posted 8/8/2013 14:11 PM

Hey there. Welcome. I'm glad that you found us for support.

First off, good for you, for continuing to push for answers. I hope that you continued on with the scheduled lie detector. I'm sure that there is probably more that will come out in the parking lot as you are ready to walk into the tester's place.

If you have not already, please look at the upper left side of the screen for the yellow box. Click on The Healing Library. Start reading. There are some very good articlse written by people who have also stood where you are standing now. Any other post in this forum that has a bulls-eye next to it is also somethign that you should read. Information is power, and it seems that there is a lot of common bull that adulterers use when they are trying to snow their spouses.

And take care of yourself. You need to stay hydrated, eat, and try to sleep. Be kind to youself and a bit selfish. You cannot take care of your children if you don't take care of yourself. So do what YOU need to do, to stay healthy no matter how much you don't feel like it.

Come back often to vent, to cry, for support. We're all here for you.