Has anyone else been upset by their SO getting remarried? I guess in a way I am upset becuase I was robbed of our happiness and still to this day I cry at every wedding I attend. Because when seeing the pure joy on the bride and grooms face... alll of the love and laughter that surrounds it. The true "love" you see in there eyes... mine was all fake and shattered and turned out to be a huge lie.
Enough venting... just had to get my emotions out in writing..
I don't have any answers, but just wanted to say I hear you. I feel the same way, although my WXH hasn't remarried yet, it will tear me up when he does.
"Don't look back, the road is long."
His second marriage lasted less than one year. I am now referred to as the "good XW!"
Now the tables have turned. He's still a mess - always was, really - and I am having the time of my life! I actually spend some time feeling sorry for him.
Remember things are not always what they appear to be - just think what a prize this woman is getting. Someone who cheated, lied, and blew his family up.
As for weddings - I am so jaded I can't get teary-eyed over that "true love" thing. I just sit there thinking, "Yes, it's all rainbows and unicorns right now, but wait - there could be some lying and cheating in your future."
Sending strength and peace.
Thank you so much for that post... I needed that! I appreciate all of the kind words and advice. :)
just think what a prize this woman is getting. Someone who cheated, lied, and blew his family up.
Wish them well and grab the popcorn.
FT married with in a couple months after out D was final and now expecting a baby. He's 74 and she's 40. I have my popcorn not so much watching but knowing who they truely are. Some wine sounds better than popcorn.
[This message edited by gma56 at 1:18 PM, August 9th (Friday)]
I will be upset when he remarries and I do think I will feel weird the first time. I will also be upset about how his relationship MO/pattern impacts my girls. He seems to have a 2-5 year cycle:
* falls desperately in luuurve with new host
* imposes new luurve on the girls ASAP
* the girls integrate new luurve into their lives - maybe they like them, maybe they learn to love them.
* mask starts to slip - drama ensues
* falls into depression - drink/drugs to numb the pain
* my girls get to witness a relationship and marriage blow again
* falls desperately in luuurve with new host and run through this list again.
Lather, rinse, repeat - my girls not only getting caught up in the ridiculousness that he calls his love life but also that he is modelling this dysfunction for them just like his own mother did for him.
I guess in a way I am upset becuase I was robbed of our happiness and still to this day I cry at every wedding I attend. Because when seeing the pure joy on the bride and grooms face... alll of the love and laughter that surrounds it. The true "love" you see in there eyes... mine was all fake and shattered and turned out to be a huge lie.
Gently, you and I now know we were never going to have those dreams whilst married to those guys. They won't have it with anyone else. It will all looks sparkly and shiny but we were in the Bell Jar once, remember? We know how this story goes.
No matter what he did and the lie he lived it doesn't negate what YOU felt, the M YOU were having, the work YOU put into achieving those goals.
What is to say you cannot have that happiness with someone else? What is to say you can't have all of that on your own, with great friends and family around.
I feel enveloped in love these days - my girls, friends, family, myself. I never felt that in my M. Yes I felt loved but not like this. I give love too - in great big overflowing bucketful's and freely.
I cry at weddings because I'm so happy for the bride and groom and it is such a joyful day. I also cry at weddings because I remember how full of hopes and dreams I was on my wedding day. I also remember how scared I was and how much I wanted to run.
I cry because I wish I had married the right guy. It sounds to me like you cry because you wish he WAS the right guy. It is only a small difference but an important one, IMO.
If you're still mourning his lost potential you're not focusing anywhere near enough on your own potential.
It does not bother me that ex got married again. It does bother me that he didn't tell his kids until after the fact, though. I'm not surprised, but I hurt for my kids. They don't deserve to have such an ass for a dad.
I was ok initially. I was angry for my kids to kept in the dark about it. Then a few days later I was really angry and upset, I think this was a combination of hurting for my kids, the realisation that that part of my life was truly over and the my own inner turmoil about him not doing anything right by our children. It's infuriating. Plus I was angry they got married in a church. I always wanted too, but he refused. I felt he robbed me of that, amongst other things. But I have to get on with my life now.
Mind you the week they are on their honeymoon, he has sent me a million angry emails. Those unicorns, rainbows and fairy dust must be wearing thin.
They will both get what they deserve. They are both married to cheaters now.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Just remember that, although your relationship didn't last, and I understand that feeling of being robbed, anything else that your XSO pursues won't be real either. I think it hurts when you think that they're going to have that "pure joy" with someone else, but your XSO won't-- oh, on the surface it will look all happy and romantic, but over time, he won't be able to sustain that relationship either.
I'm sorry that you're going through this.
Let me tell you what it looks like.... NW regularly drives by my house- I suspect she might be looking for her H. He is kept on a very short leash -not allowed to talk to me, his sister, his parents, or 2 of his 4kids without her being present. They don't care for her so he can't talk to them. He is NOT ALLOWED to see his grand daughter or her mama (DD). He accompanies her on most of her business trips, she accompanies him on ALL of his.
They can't trust one another and it reflects in their lifestyle. All of my kids see it for what it is, well all except the youngest. Her time is coming.
I wouldn't want the relationship they have. They created the circumstances, then created the marriage without taking the time to do the work.
His choices are not e reflection of you.