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Newest Member: Shattered31 (45724)

User Topic: Things that are Ruined for you
Painfuljourney
♀ 40208
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anything related to the affair that triggers me. I now hate things he did with her and it's stupid.

But now I can never stay at Best Western Motels, play ping pong, go to the town they were in (he's there now for work and I told him he can't call me from there, it's a trigger). Luckily he's only there as a fill in and won't be doing that again for a long time.

So yes my list is:

Ping Pong (they played the first night they met)
Best Western
The "town" they committed adultry in.
The town she lived in when they met.
The bar she worked.
I found a bunch of Best Western hotel pens in my pen holder and threw them away. I told him not to bring anything home from there.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ruined no, triggery, yes. - there were 15 places around town he took two women. Our DD works at one of them. My best friend owns one of the bar/restaurants. I freaking live here. They live here. He works 100 yards from the office of one of them. I cant' stand to be in his office.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5494 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
krazy8516
♀ 40076
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything?

Okay, maybe that's exaggerating a little. But seriously... life is ruined for me. I was thinking last night about everything my WH and I have done together, ever. And I feel like it's all a lie. It doesn't take much to make me cry lately - I was at a ballgame last night and sitting next to me were an elderly couple. I found myself thinking about their life story. Have they been together forever? Have either of them ever been unfaithful? Then, when I realized that would probably not be my husband and I in 50 years, I cried. Damn, can't even enjoy a frinkin' baseball game!

Plus, now that I know he's been verbally bashing me to the OW, I feel like every time I thought we were having a good time, he was sitting there thinking he couldn't stand to be pretending to have fun with me. WTH?

So yeah, just about everything is ruined.


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
Josephine01
♀ 38511
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

About the worst thing and the most stupid thing that triggers me are dryers. He called one night and said he was running late because he was helping her fix her dryer. A spare bedroom is right by the dryer. Now I have mind movies when I see a front load dryer


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
OldCow18
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the "everything" statement, but to be more specific...

That I can never be proud of our relationship again, and man was I before. That I can never tell my daughter she should marry a man like her daddy or tell my son to be a man like his daddy. Those effing KILL me. There are more of course, and I'm sure the list would be endless if I had the time but also our fav tv shows, softball season, mother's day, and how can I forget, our 10th wedding anniversary, which came 6 weeks after d-day. Knowing that had I not caught them they'd be effing at that time is devastating. And it's premature, but all of 2013 and I'm guessing 2014 is ruined for me.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
roses303
♀ 40161
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best Westerns are on my list too. It makes watching TV with the kids absolute hell because they are now "a proud sponsor of Disney channel."

My wedding pictures are in the ruined pile since MOW was my MOH.

Camping isn't the same since that was what our families did with each other.

Pretty much any place between our city and hers is suspect because they met at various places along I-5 between our homes.

Well pretty much any reminiscing about the past is now tainted since MOW was a friend for25 yrs and any remembrance of the past includes her.


Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
sodamnlost
♀ 37190
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know everyone is different but I just wanted to throw this out there. Ignore if it doesn't fit you.

I was at my BFF's cabin up north on our annual vacation twice when Wh was with OW. I know the exact dates and times. The first time I saw signs with the city name while driving somewhere else, I wanted to die. ANY time one of the kids mentioned that city name or up north - BAMN - trigger city. Hell week this year had those two anniversaries days apart. For the first time ever WH joined us (invited WH last year but he preferred banging the scum I guess). We were there during hell week. It was HARD. BUT - not as hard as I thought. I now can hear that city name again. I can think about going next year and not panic. I TOOK IT BACK!

Maybe TRY taking back something small? Maybe I am just nuts but WH's selfish ass-ness and the SCUM he chose to be destructive with have taken enough of me. I won't GIVE them anything.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
fallingquickly
♀ 36599
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That I can never be proud of our relationship again, and man was I before. That I can never tell my daughter she should marry a man like her daddy or tell my son to be a man like his daddy. Those effing KILL me

^This.

The city where he did most of his cheating which is where my son now goes to college. The city where his LTA OW lives now.

So many memories over the past 13 years are now questionable to me. I thought we were happy but he was looking for OW. I don't know what was real and what was a lie.

My belief in love.


Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.


Posts: 455 | Registered: Aug 2012
Spelljean
♀ 35624
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pacifica, California. Its only about an hour and a half away from where I live and it was my/our favorite hangout. We would watch surfers, eat at a hole in the wall Mexican restaurant, I loved it.

WH took OW there. I was pissed because I introduced WH to it. Then he took something I loved and that I introduced to him, and took "her" there. Like he couldn't come up with anything himself.

I was pissed. He said to me, "it was just a day trip" as though that made a difference. What difference does "day trip" make??? He was screwing OW either way so what do I care if they got a room for the night, or if they came back home and screwed at her place??

WH says such irrelevant things sometimes.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
whatamidoing
♀ 37152
Member # 37152
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the town where I live including the trails where I walk, the streets where she lived, the places we met, the places they met
my job she medaled and now has joined the field
my family
my friendship
my marriage
my belief in love trust marriage
Victoria
every holiday
florida
Charlotte
Paris
Olympics
London
training camp
muskoka
my trip to Hawaii
my trips and events
texting
maybe I should just go with everything


A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself
_________________________________
BS Me 43
WH 42
DD June 2nd '12
LTA (2+ yrs)
False R Many times from July '12 till now forced D
OW: acting like she is the wife

Posts: 186 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Guelph
Lonelygirl10
♀ 39850
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My list is mostly days. Christmas Eve when he was with her instead of me. Christmas Day when they had sex for first time. Our anniversary when he sold my present to him because she didn't want him with me that day. Valentines day when I had Burger King alone.

Others are Olive Garden, which was "our" place and he took her there. His bedroom. His old office. I had to go to the building next door about two weeks after dday, and had to restrain myself from going in there to talk to OW. Anything dealing with the country of Argentina. A bar I had asked him to go to several times with me and he refused because he didn't like bars, but he went with her because she was the "center of the room" and he wanted to try out the party scene.

[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 11:36 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1279 | Registered: Jul 2013
FoolontheHill
♂ 40225
Member # 40225
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My favorite local hangout. WW took her OM ere and now he hangs out there all the time. It does not help that it is around the corner from our home.

[This message edited by FoolontheHill at 11:41 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]


Me BH 46
WW 42

Dday 1: 10/20/2010 -- 3 month physical affair
Dday2: 7/7/2013 -- 3 year emotional affair but I think it was more.


Posts: 83 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Florida
cancuncrushed
♀ 28156
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

his office, I cannot go inside- I feel her imprint, she touched everything, everyday. Thats the huge one. picnics, vacations -holidays coworkers. Any blonde girls in their twenties, calling too much attention to themselves. of course the city they traveled to. Its my DD city too. Basically my joy is gone. looking back I can see just how sick this made me. I spent years reliving what I thought happened during that trip. We go twice next month. It would be nice if you never had to revisit any of these places or moments. I am considering staying home.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 1054 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
krazy8516
♀ 40076
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can never tell my daughter she should marry a man like her daddy or tell my son to be a man like his daddy.

Yup. Just yup. Our daughter adores her daddy, and it kills me because I know who he is, and she probably never will. She will grow up like many little girls, thinking her daddy is a superhero. I personally strive to be the person my daughter thinks I am - "Mommy", full of hugs, kisser of boo-boos, keeper of the coveted fruit snacks... His daughter thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread - why doesn't he want to be that for her?


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
julesinpain
♀ 36746
Member # 36746
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Anniversary!

I found out he called his skank on our anniversary. Ok, that is not the worst of it. Found out a few days before he called her on our anniversary he had sexual physical contact and making out with her in the park he gave his wedding vows to me!! So many parks and other places to go and he has to ruin the park we got married in. I can not go there anymore without crying now. Our 22nd anniversary is in a week. :( Still don't feel like celebrating!

Summer time is always a trigger for me, as that is when they were full into their affair and I remember so many moments thinking it was going on. My gut was screaming at me. Took me too long to listen. They denied it of course to my face every time. We were friends with skank and her BS and went out on the town with them all that summer. So many places around our town are now a trigger for me. ;(


Me 44
WH 46
DDay 1 8/22/08
DDay 2 9/22/10
DDay 3 12/22/10 same OW each time. (so called friend)
To many TT's to count, last one Jan. 2013 ugh!
Married 21 years, together 23
4 amazing children, 2DS 2DD
Working on it!

Posts: 156 | Registered: Sep 2012
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My birthday. (We spent the day at the lake,and while DS and I made dinner,WH spent that time texting his AP,talking about meeting up again).

The first day of school for DD...she was going into kindergarten...dday was a few days before the first day of school. Now every year on the first day....I trigger.

Where he works. And his work shirt.

My security.

My heart.

My love for him and the way I see him.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7899 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Painfuljourney
♀ 40208
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad I'm not alone. I also feel weird about camping and my anniversary. DD was the day after my anniversary and also June because apparently he had his EA/PA that time of year. And also summer because they continued to talk all summer til early fall when she finally left the picture, found someone else.

Oh and her Name, first and last! Common last name. I HATE it and it will trigger me for the rest of my life. It makes me sick to my stomach.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
Painfuljourney
♀ 40208
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And yes, I hate that I can't tell my daughters the truth. He was worried I would and spitefully I told him I would if he wouldn't start telling me total truth. I also hate that no one knows in my family or his. To them he's the perfect guy. No he's not! I love him, but he's far from the perfect husband and father.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
kickboxer
♀ 39858
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm new to this journey, but...

I found out towards the end of the vacation of a lifetime. We were with friends at a beautiful resort...our time was spent bonding with them...their kids and our kids...drinking mojitos poolside...

And then I stumbled upon her name in his phone when I picked it up to delete a text I sent to him by mistake. Seeing her name made me open the thread.

And there it was.

We've been home for almost a month, and I can't look at our vacation pictures.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feeling at peace within myself. Feeling secure and safe. I don't feel any of those things anymore. Im anxious 24/7 and afraid to let my guard down. I am suspicious of everything and everyone. I see my wh with different eyes now because I am a different person. I was angry as a child. It was more that I was afraid and it was empowering to be angry and it kept people away. I know I have fallen back into that mindset and i know its not good. For 15 yrs out of my 35 yrs on this planet I felt safe and it was so comforting and good. I don't think i will ever feel that again. I just cannot imagine trusting another person to not betray me. Its ruined... I am surrounded by people yet alone inside of myself. Wrapped in a blanket of seething anger. I put on that smile...I pretend to be "ok" to be "normal"....


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Topic Posts: 53
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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