But now I can never stay at Best Western Motels, play ping pong, go to the town they were in (he's there now for work and I told him he can't call me from there, it's a trigger). Luckily he's only there as a fill in and won't be doing that again for a long time.
So yes my list is:
Ping Pong (they played the first night they met)
The "town" they committed adultry in.
The town she lived in when they met.
The bar she worked.
I found a bunch of Best Western hotel pens in my pen holder and threw them away. I told him not to bring anything home from there.
Okay, maybe that's exaggerating a little. But seriously... life is ruined for me. I was thinking last night about everything my WH and I have done together, ever. And I feel like it's all a lie. It doesn't take much to make me cry lately - I was at a ballgame last night and sitting next to me were an elderly couple. I found myself thinking about their life story. Have they been together forever? Have either of them ever been unfaithful? Then, when I realized that would probably not be my husband and I in 50 years, I cried. Damn, can't even enjoy a frinkin' baseball game!
Plus, now that I know he's been verbally bashing me to the OW, I feel like every time I thought we were having a good time, he was sitting there thinking he couldn't stand to be pretending to have fun with me. WTH?
So yeah, just about everything is ruined.
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
That I can never be proud of our relationship again, and man was I before. That I can never tell my daughter she should marry a man like her daddy or tell my son to be a man like his daddy. Those effing KILL me. There are more of course, and I'm sure the list would be endless if I had the time but also our fav tv shows, softball season, mother's day, and how can I forget, our 10th wedding anniversary, which came 6 weeks after d-day. Knowing that had I not caught them they'd be effing at that time is devastating. And it's premature, but all of 2013 and I'm guessing 2014 is ruined for me.
My wedding pictures are in the ruined pile since MOW was my MOH.
Camping isn't the same since that was what our families did with each other.
Pretty much any place between our city and hers is suspect because they met at various places along I-5 between our homes.
Well pretty much any reminiscing about the past is now tainted since MOW was a friend for25 yrs and any remembrance of the past includes her.
I was at my BFF's cabin up north on our annual vacation twice when Wh was with OW. I know the exact dates and times. The first time I saw signs with the city name while driving somewhere else, I wanted to die. ANY time one of the kids mentioned that city name or up north - BAMN - trigger city. Hell week this year had those two anniversaries days apart. For the first time ever WH joined us (invited WH last year but he preferred banging the scum I guess). We were there during hell week. It was HARD. BUT - not as hard as I thought. I now can hear that city name again. I can think about going next year and not panic. I TOOK IT BACK!
Maybe TRY taking back something small? Maybe I am just nuts but WH's selfish ass-ness and the SCUM he chose to be destructive with have taken enough of me. I won't GIVE them anything.
That I can never be proud of our relationship again, and man was I before. That I can never tell my daughter she should marry a man like her daddy or tell my son to be a man like his daddy. Those effing KILL me
The city where he did most of his cheating which is where my son now goes to college. The city where his LTA OW lives now.
So many memories over the past 13 years are now questionable to me. I thought we were happy but he was looking for OW. I don't know what was real and what was a lie.
My belief in love.
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.
WH took OW there. I was pissed because I introduced WH to it. Then he took something I loved and that I introduced to him, and took "her" there. Like he couldn't come up with anything himself.
I was pissed. He said to me, "it was just a day trip" as though that made a difference. What difference does "day trip" make??? He was screwing OW either way so what do I care if they got a room for the night, or if they came back home and screwed at her place??
WH says such irrelevant things sometimes.
Others are Olive Garden, which was "our" place and he took her there. His bedroom. His old office. I had to go to the building next door about two weeks after dday, and had to restrain myself from going in there to talk to OW. Anything dealing with the country of Argentina. A bar I had asked him to go to several times with me and he refused because he didn't like bars, but he went with her because she was the "center of the room" and he wanted to try out the party scene.
[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 11:36 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]
[This message edited by FoolontheHill at 11:41 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]
Dday 1: 10/20/2010 -- 3 month physical affair
Dday2: 7/7/2013 -- 3 year emotional affair but I think it was more.
I can never tell my daughter she should marry a man like her daddy or tell my son to be a man like his daddy.
Yup. Just yup. Our daughter adores her daddy, and it kills me because I know who he is, and she probably never will. She will grow up like many little girls, thinking her daddy is a superhero. I personally strive to be the person my daughter thinks I am - "Mommy", full of hugs, kisser of boo-boos, keeper of the coveted fruit snacks... His daughter thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread - why doesn't he want to be that for her?
I found out he called his skank on our anniversary. Ok, that is not the worst of it. Found out a few days before he called her on our anniversary he had sexual physical contact and making out with her in the park he gave his wedding vows to me!! So many parks and other places to go and he has to ruin the park we got married in. I can not go there anymore without crying now. Our 22nd anniversary is in a week. :( Still don't feel like celebrating!
Summer time is always a trigger for me, as that is when they were full into their affair and I remember so many moments thinking it was going on. My gut was screaming at me. Took me too long to listen. They denied it of course to my face every time. We were friends with skank and her BS and went out on the town with them all that summer. So many places around our town are now a trigger for me. ;(
The first day of school for DD...she was going into kindergarten...dday was a few days before the first day of school. Now every year on the first day....I trigger.
Where he works. And his work shirt.
My love for him and the way I see him.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Oh and her Name, first and last! Common last name. I HATE it and it will trigger me for the rest of my life. It makes me sick to my stomach.
I found out towards the end of the vacation of a lifetime. We were with friends at a beautiful resort...our time was spent bonding with them...their kids and our kids...drinking mojitos poolside...
And then I stumbled upon her name in his phone when I picked it up to delete a text I sent to him by mistake. Seeing her name made me open the thread.
And there it was.
We've been home for almost a month, and I can't look at our vacation pictures.