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Things that are Ruined for you

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Painfuljourney posted 8/8/2013 10:38 AM

Anything related to the affair that triggers me. I now hate things he did with her and it's stupid.

But now I can never stay at Best Western Motels, play ping pong, go to the town they were in (he's there now for work and I told him he can't call me from there, it's a trigger). Luckily he's only there as a fill in and won't be doing that again for a long time.

So yes my list is:

Ping Pong (they played the first night they met)
Best Western
The "town" they committed adultry in.
The town she lived in when they met.
The bar she worked.
I found a bunch of Best Western hotel pens in my pen holder and threw them away. I told him not to bring anything home from there.

rachelc posted 8/8/2013 10:56 AM

ruined no, triggery, yes. - there were 15 places around town he took two women. Our DD works at one of them. My best friend owns one of the bar/restaurants. I freaking live here. They live here. He works 100 yards from the office of one of them. I cant' stand to be in his office.

krazy8516 posted 8/8/2013 10:56 AM


Okay, maybe that's exaggerating a little. But seriously... life is ruined for me. I was thinking last night about everything my WH and I have done together, ever. And I feel like it's all a lie. It doesn't take much to make me cry lately - I was at a ballgame last night and sitting next to me were an elderly couple. I found myself thinking about their life story. Have they been together forever? Have either of them ever been unfaithful? Then, when I realized that would probably not be my husband and I in 50 years, I cried. Damn, can't even enjoy a frinkin' baseball game!

Plus, now that I know he's been verbally bashing me to the OW, I feel like every time I thought we were having a good time, he was sitting there thinking he couldn't stand to be pretending to have fun with me. WTH?

So yeah, just about everything is ruined.

Josephine01 posted 8/8/2013 11:05 AM

About the worst thing and the most stupid thing that triggers me are dryers. He called one night and said he was running late because he was helping her fix her dryer. A spare bedroom is right by the dryer. Now I have mind movies when I see a front load dryer

OldCow18 posted 8/8/2013 11:05 AM

I agree with the "everything" statement, but to be more specific...

That I can never be proud of our relationship again, and man was I before. That I can never tell my daughter she should marry a man like her daddy or tell my son to be a man like his daddy. Those effing KILL me. There are more of course, and I'm sure the list would be endless if I had the time but also our fav tv shows, softball season, mother's day, and how can I forget, our 10th wedding anniversary, which came 6 weeks after d-day. Knowing that had I not caught them they'd be effing at that time is devastating. And it's premature, but all of 2013 and I'm guessing 2014 is ruined for me.

roses303 posted 8/8/2013 11:10 AM

Best Westerns are on my list too. It makes watching TV with the kids absolute hell because they are now "a proud sponsor of Disney channel."

My wedding pictures are in the ruined pile since MOW was my MOH.

Camping isn't the same since that was what our families did with each other.

Pretty much any place between our city and hers is suspect because they met at various places along I-5 between our homes.

Well pretty much any reminiscing about the past is now tainted since MOW was a friend for25 yrs and any remembrance of the past includes her.

sodamnlost posted 8/8/2013 11:21 AM

I know everyone is different but I just wanted to throw this out there. Ignore if it doesn't fit you.

I was at my BFF's cabin up north on our annual vacation twice when Wh was with OW. I know the exact dates and times. The first time I saw signs with the city name while driving somewhere else, I wanted to die. ANY time one of the kids mentioned that city name or up north - BAMN - trigger city. Hell week this year had those two anniversaries days apart. For the first time ever WH joined us (invited WH last year but he preferred banging the scum I guess). We were there during hell week. It was HARD. BUT - not as hard as I thought. I now can hear that city name again. I can think about going next year and not panic. I TOOK IT BACK!

Maybe TRY taking back something small? Maybe I am just nuts but WH's selfish ass-ness and the SCUM he chose to be destructive with have taken enough of me. I won't GIVE them anything.

fallingquickly posted 8/8/2013 11:23 AM

That I can never be proud of our relationship again, and man was I before. That I can never tell my daughter she should marry a man like her daddy or tell my son to be a man like his daddy. Those effing KILL me


The city where he did most of his cheating which is where my son now goes to college. The city where his LTA OW lives now.

So many memories over the past 13 years are now questionable to me. I thought we were happy but he was looking for OW. I don't know what was real and what was a lie.

My belief in love.

Spelljean posted 8/8/2013 11:25 AM

Pacifica, California. Its only about an hour and a half away from where I live and it was my/our favorite hangout. We would watch surfers, eat at a hole in the wall Mexican restaurant, I loved it.

WH took OW there. I was pissed because I introduced WH to it. Then he took something I loved and that I introduced to him, and took "her" there. Like he couldn't come up with anything himself.

I was pissed. He said to me, "it was just a day trip" as though that made a difference. What difference does "day trip" make??? He was screwing OW either way so what do I care if they got a room for the night, or if they came back home and screwed at her place??

WH says such irrelevant things sometimes.

whatamidoing posted 8/8/2013 11:32 AM

the town where I live including the trails where I walk, the streets where she lived, the places we met, the places they met
my job she medaled and now has joined the field
my family
my friendship
my marriage
my belief in love trust marriage
every holiday
training camp
my trip to Hawaii
my trips and events
maybe I should just go with everything

Lonelygirl10 posted 8/8/2013 11:34 AM

My list is mostly days. Christmas Eve when he was with her instead of me. Christmas Day when they had sex for first time. Our anniversary when he sold my present to him because she didn't want him with me that day. Valentines day when I had Burger King alone.

Others are Olive Garden, which was "our" place and he took her there. His bedroom. His old office. I had to go to the building next door about two weeks after dday, and had to restrain myself from going in there to talk to OW. Anything dealing with the country of Argentina. A bar I had asked him to go to several times with me and he refused because he didn't like bars, but he went with her because she was the "center of the room" and he wanted to try out the party scene.

[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 11:36 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]

FoolontheHill posted 8/8/2013 11:34 AM

My favorite local hangout. WW took her OM ere and now he hangs out there all the time. It does not help that it is around the corner from our home.

[This message edited by FoolontheHill at 11:41 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]

cancuncrushed posted 8/8/2013 11:36 AM

his office, I cannot go inside- I feel her imprint, she touched everything, everyday. Thats the huge one. picnics, vacations -holidays coworkers. Any blonde girls in their twenties, calling too much attention to themselves. of course the city they traveled to. Its my DD city too. Basically my joy is gone. looking back I can see just how sick this made me. I spent years reliving what I thought happened during that trip. We go twice next month. It would be nice if you never had to revisit any of these places or moments. I am considering staying home.

krazy8516 posted 8/8/2013 11:42 AM

I can never tell my daughter she should marry a man like her daddy or tell my son to be a man like his daddy.

Yup. Just yup. Our daughter adores her daddy, and it kills me because I know who he is, and she probably never will. She will grow up like many little girls, thinking her daddy is a superhero. I personally strive to be the person my daughter thinks I am - "Mommy", full of hugs, kisser of boo-boos, keeper of the coveted fruit snacks... His daughter thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread - why doesn't he want to be that for her?

julesinpain posted 8/8/2013 11:46 AM

My Anniversary!

I found out he called his skank on our anniversary. Ok, that is not the worst of it. Found out a few days before he called her on our anniversary he had sexual physical contact and making out with her in the park he gave his wedding vows to me!! So many parks and other places to go and he has to ruin the park we got married in. I can not go there anymore without crying now. Our 22nd anniversary is in a week. :( Still don't feel like celebrating!

Summer time is always a trigger for me, as that is when they were full into their affair and I remember so many moments thinking it was going on. My gut was screaming at me. Took me too long to listen. They denied it of course to my face every time. We were friends with skank and her BS and went out on the town with them all that summer. So many places around our town are now a trigger for me. ;(

confused615 posted 8/8/2013 12:21 PM

My birthday. (We spent the day at the lake,and while DS and I made dinner,WH spent that time texting his AP,talking about meeting up again).

The first day of school for DD...she was going into kindergarten...dday was a few days before the first day of school. Now every year on the first day....I trigger.

Where he works. And his work shirt.

My security.

My heart.

My love for him and the way I see him.

Painfuljourney posted 8/8/2013 12:31 PM

Glad I'm not alone. I also feel weird about camping and my anniversary. DD was the day after my anniversary and also June because apparently he had his EA/PA that time of year. And also summer because they continued to talk all summer til early fall when she finally left the picture, found someone else.

Oh and her Name, first and last! Common last name. I HATE it and it will trigger me for the rest of my life. It makes me sick to my stomach.

Painfuljourney posted 8/8/2013 12:33 PM

And yes, I hate that I can't tell my daughters the truth. He was worried I would and spitefully I told him I would if he wouldn't start telling me total truth. I also hate that no one knows in my family or his. To them he's the perfect guy. No he's not! I love him, but he's far from the perfect husband and father.

kickboxer posted 8/8/2013 12:41 PM

I'm new to this journey, but...

I found out towards the end of the vacation of a lifetime. We were with friends at a beautiful resort...our time was spent bonding with them...their kids and our kids...drinking mojitos poolside...

And then I stumbled upon her name in his phone when I picked it up to delete a text I sent to him by mistake. Seeing her name made me open the thread.

And there it was.

We've been home for almost a month, and I can't look at our vacation pictures.

sunflowergirl30 posted 8/8/2013 12:43 PM

Feeling at peace within myself. Feeling secure and safe. I don't feel any of those things anymore. Im anxious 24/7 and afraid to let my guard down. I am suspicious of everything and everyone. I see my wh with different eyes now because I am a different person. I was angry as a child. It was more that I was afraid and it was empowering to be angry and it kept people away. I know I have fallen back into that mindset and i know its not good. For 15 yrs out of my 35 yrs on this planet I felt safe and it was so comforting and good. I don't think i will ever feel that again. I just cannot imagine trusting another person to not betray me. Its ruined... I am surrounded by people yet alone inside of myself. Wrapped in a blanket of seething anger. I put on that smile...I pretend to be "ok" to be "normal"....

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