I keep going back and forth, not knowing what to believe. He truly is the last person I would expect to cheat, so I have a hard time not believing him when he says there is nothing going on. But I also feel like if nothing has happened yet, it will happen soon and then I truly will lose him forever. He seems so detached from me, so unconcerned about the situation he has put me in, and that is not like him at all. Some days I just want to scream, accept reality that he most likely is in love with this new girl and try to move on, but other days I just want to be as sweet as can be and try to make him wake up and realize what he is walking away from. I don't know what to do....
I'm going to be blunt here - your WH is full of shit. Something has happened already, he is having an affair. Even if it hasn't yet gotten physical (although I'd be willing to bet it has) it is an emotional affair and that is just as much a betrayal of you and your marriage.
Please be kind to yourself, I know how difficult this is right now. I think being in denial is completely normal at this point. This is the man you planned on spending the rest life, why would you ever think he could do something so horrible?
As far as not wanting to R, his head is up his ass right now. I believe this is what the veterans around here call the fog and would suggest you respond with the 180. There is more info about it in the healing library.
Please take care of yourself. Seek out IC and the advice of an attorney. Again, I'm so sorry you have to suffer through this.
[This message edited by Fireflies at 11:51 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]
This is going to be hard, very hard, But you need to stop thinking of him and you. You need to be come Momma Bear and think about your children. First off, call you doctor right now and tell him that your husband had an affair and you have to assume he had unprotected sex with a stranger. You need to be seen and tested. There are STDs that will harm your baby. You need to be check out immediately and treated, if necessary. Yes, your WH exposed both you AND your unborn child to disease. Just remember this fact any time that you are tempted to be weak.
Next, get to an attourney ASAP and file for spousal support (SS) and child support (CS). Channel that inner Momma Bear again and make sure that your children and you are taken care of. I guarantee he is not thinking about your welfare because, well, he's in luuuurve with a ho who is going to soak him for every cent she can get and possibly get knocked up as well. And immediately file for CS for her child who will then be in front of YOUR children for support. So get it done now and get it done quickly. You can always rescend the orders if you want to later on. But right now, he has his head up his hiney and all he can see in that black hole is his bright-n-shiny new lover. Protect yourself, protect your children.
Next, implement the 180 and institute NC (no contact) for him except for working out child visitation and finances. Nothing else. No chit chat, no have a nice day, no I want you back, no go to hells, nada, nothing. He want's to act like a single guy, treat him like one.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I have spoke with an atty and got all the forms I need, I just still can't believe we are about to go through with all of this. One month ago I thought everything was fine
I think I would die if he got OW pregnant.
Hugs and strength.
"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.
You need to read and retread about the 180. This will give you back confidence and the power you need.
I feel so sad for you. There are many in your situation, which is especially sad in of itself. Take back control of yourself and your life. Be strong and do what needs to be done. His words are hurtful and uncaring.
It sounds like you know what needs to be done and have at least started the process, but, still holding out hope. Not saying it couldn't happen, but, moving forward is the best thing right now. Good luck.
BS - 49
WW - 33
SD - 10
Heartbroken - 07/21/13
In R - so far so good.
Take care of yourself....get a good L and get every last penny from him for you and your kids that you can.