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unfound posted 8/8/2013 11:52 AM

Today is her birthday

To say she played a big role in our R would be an over and at the same understatement.

She's been through her own hell (not A related) and has handled it with authenticity and grace. Where most people would have crumbled, she rose up and beyond. And she makes a mean margarita . I would have wanted to be friends with her even if mr unfound and I had never met.

On dday, she was among the first that I called. The reason I suppose was two fold. One, to out the A, and two, I needed someone to come get the kids before I confronted (in person) mr unfound. She was here in a flash. No questions asked. She did tell me that she would keep the kids for as long as I needed, she would support any decisions *I* made and told me she loved me.

A few days later, mr unfound went to talk to her and she LET. HIM. HAVE. IT. She had always said that she would always support us in our M, but if either one of us fucked up, she'd call us on it. She lived up to that promise. She assured him that she loved him, but was livid with him and would not take his side just because he was her son. He was in the wrong, period.

When I left a month or so later, she came to see me off. She cried with me and said she understood why I was leaving. Told me to take as much time as I needed and again, what ever I decided to do, she would support 100%.

When we started to R, she let us both know that she would not interfere or get involved unless it was requested..that she was always available to take the kids if/when we needed it. Again, she made good with those words. She never asked for details. Never brought up the subject unless it was to quietly, gently and privately ask "are you okay?".

She would just so happen to have a gift card to a restaurant for us when it seemed we needed a night out alone. She offered at least once a week to keep the kids for a couple of days under the rouse that she needed grandkid time. She kept it light and easy and comfortable when we were at her house, yet never acted as if nothing was wrong.

Over the years, she continues to be a silent, but ever present supporter of our R. A true friend of the M, and a great margarita maker .

Happy happy MIL.

lieshurt posted 8/8/2013 12:11 PM

I had a wonderful MIL too. She passed away 4 years ago and I still miss her.

Happy birthday to your MIL!

brokensmile322 posted 8/8/2013 13:29 PM

How wonderful for you! You are truly blessed. I wish I had a MIL like that. She means well but she does compete with me for her husband.

A wonderful story! God bless!!

TrustGone posted 8/8/2013 14:16 PM

She sounds like a wonderful woman. You are very lucky to have her. My ex-MIL took my XWH#1's side and told lies in court. Now since they are estranged she wants me to be her daughter again. Not happening in this life time.
My present MIL was all sympathetic with me when she heard, but when she picked me up at the airport after DDay she started telling me WH#2's reason's for cheating. They were BS and I told her so. I have since distanced myself from her and do not share with her like I once did. I guess sometimes blood is thicker than water.

Tesa posted 8/8/2013 15:55 PM

Wow. Did this post open an old wound that I don't think I realized was still so painful. I haven't cried like this about my 1st journey on SI for a VERY long time.

I knew ex-MIL and ex and all his ENORMUS family members since I was 16. I called her mom, even. Lost all of that family with the D. I was the one who kept the relationship with his family when we were married: arranging visits, going to showers, funerals, hospital visits, church.

I often wonder about his family and how they are. 14 years is a long time to care about people. Sad that is gone now……….

whattheh posted 8/8/2013 17:03 PM

My fWH said he saw his mother's face overlaid on OW's face the one time he was able to complete intercourse (the other times he had erectile dysfunction).

He saw his Mom's face 2 other times when he was meeting OW who was threatening to tell me if he stopped seeing her.

We were both very close to his Mom who passed over 5 years ago .

[This message edited by whattheh at 5:04 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

authenticnow posted 8/8/2013 17:14 PM


Your relationship with your MIL is a beautiful thing. She sounds like a wonderful woman.

I considered my MIL a mother, we were extremely close. However, when LD cheated on me in 94, she didn't support me, she stuck by him. It hurt a lot but it taught me a huge lesson.

I still loved her and embraced our close relationship after LD and I sorted things out.

Didn't mean to t/j...just wanted you to know that I'm happy for you that you have this wonderful person in your life.

wifehad5 posted 8/8/2013 17:41 PM

I love your MIL unfound, and I love hearing how she supported both of you. I hope to be able to be like that for my kids

Wonderingwhy11 posted 8/8/2013 18:36 PM

What a great MIL to have. You are truly blessed. She obviously is a very wise woman.

Deeply Scared posted 8/8/2013 18:53 PM

(((Unfound & MIL))) No surprise there, you're so wonderful I can't imagine anyone not supporting you and your decisions.

She sounds amazing

Alexisk17 posted 8/8/2013 20:23 PM

Love hearing positive posts like this. Sounds like you won the MIL lottery!

mchercheur posted 8/8/2013 21:45 PM

Exactly the opposite of my MIL, which is why I want nothing to do with her now.

My MIL said WH didn't do anything wrong, blamed me for WH's A, lives in our neighborhood but has NEVER helped with our 4 kids, however has never hesitated to ask me to help her, & never hesitates to interfere & intrude with un-asked for advice. DEFINITELY NOT A FRIEND OF OUR MARRIAGE.

I am happy for you, unfound, that you have a MIL like that.

Happy Birthday to her.

Jrazz posted 8/8/2013 21:49 PM

What a gift to have such a woman in your life!

unfound posted 8/8/2013 22:08 PM

She is a great lady .

I am indeed lucky to have her in my life and my M.

She had a wonderful birthday with family and friends. I'd been ruminating on her support for us all day and tried to give a little toast to her at the party thanking her. Of course the tears started up . In true MIL fashion, she ran up, hugged me tight and announced "excuse my DIL, she's is going through the change, give her a break and someone get her a drink!!!", then whispered "I love you, and thank you.. I know it hasn't been easy, but it's all okay now".

Damn her

Lovedyoumore posted 8/8/2013 23:41 PM

I did not have a very good relationship with my MIL. She died tragically right before the A and I still regret the distance between us. I was competition for her son's attention and she treated me like an OW our whole marriage.

On a positive side, when my uncle divorced his wife several yards ago, his mother (my grandmother) told every one that she would be kind to anyone he married, but she loved his first wife like a daughter, and nothing would change that. I wish I had a MIL like that.

OptimisticWife posted 8/9/2013 08:52 AM

Your post made me cry. Your MIL sounds like a wonderful lady. I'm glad she had a great birthday. You're very lucky to have her but its obvious that you know that and appreciate her. I'm happy for you

In contrast, when I told my MIL, she got angry that the son she thought had it all together, didn't. She told me how she had hoped she had 'one normal son' but it was obvious she didn't. She also was worried that I'd kick him out and he'd want to live with her. She made it clear that wasn't an option. Since then, she doesn't ask any questions and keeps her distance. I guess as long as she's not inconvenienced then all is ok

betrayedbyluv posted 8/9/2013 12:37 PM

She sounds wonderful.

I love my MIL too but when I told her she was quite supportive and shared that she too had gone through it but since the beginning she has disconnected and doesn't even acknowledge it happened anymore. She never asks me how I am doing, has never had a conversation with her son regarding the A, it's just a non-existent problem I guess. It breaks my heart!

stillsad1970 posted 8/11/2013 07:39 AM

Wow you are super lucky. I thought I had the best MIL, boy was I wrong.
I was the "best DIL" until H had a brief affair with a coworker. He left for her, we are now in full R and doing great, but that Fuc$&n b$&th said a whole lot if shit to me , defending her precious sons actions. Now she is trying to reconcile with me, not effin likely MIL. My H knows exactly how I feel and that things will never be the same, happy actually, her true nasty bitch colours and I was always disgusted with her"only child syndrome" selfishness. Sooooo much to get into, this whole story and situation is much more in depth.
But, I'm actually happy I don't have to deal with her as often anymore. No more guilt trips about being there for holidays. I know can tell her "no" and be guilt free. Fuck her, that feels awesome!!

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