SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

silentlyscreamin posted 8/8/2013 13:59 PM

Well i finally took all of your advice and forced myself to see a counselor. She is also a licensed marriage counselor but I went for myself only at this time. It's funny how a simple question can bring so much clarity when it is posed from someone else. She asked, "can you tell me what you are receiving from this marriage?" and I guess because I had just spend the previous 45 minutes telling her how he did me wrong, how all i want in this world is a family and to be a mother, but how I don't want to have any kids with a schmuck, my answer was so simple....I said "nothing". Then after more processing I realized, the only thing I am receiving from this continued "marriage" is the comfort of dysfunction. The comfort of not taking a scary plunge back into the possibility of a real life again! Anyway my homework is to research a local women's center at a college that offers very cheap legal consultation. I am to see how much it would cost and see about getting an appointment to discuss divorce etc. I came home and already did my homework. I feel like I have a HUGE pit in my stomach but at the same time I feel like I have to fight to have a better life!!! I am glad this board exists because even tho I am usually a silent observer, it does help to see others are surviving this very same process! So thanks to those who post. Sometimes it helps and you don't even know it!

abbycadabby posted 8/8/2013 14:28 PM

((((silentlyscreamin))))

I hear you. It's so sad that we get caught in preserving the familiarity and comfort of the madness we live in, even when we know it's madness. I fell into that same trap with my WXH.

I am SO much happier without him. But in the course of our marriage I lost parts of myself that I am slowly picking back up along the way. I have my amazing DS, and I have this totally awesome boyfriend now, I'm rocking my grad school classes, I have a wonderful support system of family and friends (including some awesome ones from this site)... I think I'm okay.

You'll get through this. One day at a time. Sometimes, even one minute at a time. But you'll get there.

More hugs.

((((silentlyscreamin))))

ETA: Be GLAD you didn't have children with this schmuck. I have one DS from my marriage to the schmuck and he is just as much an idiot now as he was then.

[This message edited by abbycadabby at 2:35 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

dmari posted 8/8/2013 17:26 PM

Thank you for sharing and good for you for seeing a counselor! I agree with what you said WHOLE HEARTEDLY about this S/D board. I KNOW I would not be where I am right now had it not been for all these people. I hope you are able to continue counseling. Lastly, your counselor asked such a thought provoking questions and I know that I will take a few minutes to think about an answer. Take care!

Nature_Girl posted 8/9/2013 03:00 AM

((((HUGS))))

Good for you for being honest with yourself & your counselor. And double good for you for taking action & doing that research!

One step at a time!

FieldsOfLavender posted 8/11/2013 22:19 PM

She asked, "can you tell me what you are receiving from this marriage?"

My IC asked me the same thing the last time I saw her. All I could think of was that he is a good handyman, to fix things. I was stumped for any other response.