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veelop5 (original poster member #11089) posted at 8:00 PM on Thursday, August 8th, 2013
Seriously I have been gone for a year now and although the asshole is still doing crap that semi affects me I could care less...but since he was such a piece of shit I have a hard time putting trust in anyone and I hate it....I have been "talking" to a really nice guy that I have known for years and he is now available....He is open and honest and shows that he is really in to me...Yet I can't believe it even though it is right in my face. I am sick over this because I have earned this...I don't want to scare him away but I am feeling self sabatoge ahead....I am also questioning that even though I feel good and I am ready that maybe I really am not...but a good guy is hard to come by and I want to give this one a try...he is a pretty great guy (and he was a great guy before we started "talking")
ME-40
XH-DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE
3 beautiful boys (21,20 & 17)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
10/27/2014-Met a wonderful man 9months ago
Divorce final 3/27/2013
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 8:13 PM on Thursday, August 8th, 2013
a good guy is hard to come by and I want to give this one a try
I don't think it's right to give it a try just because he's a good guy. If you aren't emotionally healthy and ready for a relationship, then you do him a disservice. He's a good guy, so don't subject him to unnecessary baggage. Heal yourself first. Otherwise, it won't work out anyhow and you may damage the friendship you already have.
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
veelop5 (original poster member #11089) posted at 8:35 PM on Thursday, August 8th, 2013
I do feel like I have taken the time to heal...I mean yes I have more healing to do but I am ready to trust again. I am acknowledging it.
ME-40
XH-DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE
3 beautiful boys (21,20 & 17)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
10/27/2014-Met a wonderful man 9months ago
Divorce final 3/27/2013
hexed ( member #19258) posted at 8:52 PM on Thursday, August 8th, 2013
i can't think of anything specific other than to relax, enjoy and ease on in to it.
trust is earned. time is needed. but most of all just be in the moment and enjoy.
if his a good guy his words will match his actions over time.
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
cayc ( member #21964) posted at 10:47 PM on Thursday, August 8th, 2013
If you aren't emotionally healthy and ready for a relationship, then you do him a disservice.
You don't strike me as not emotionally healthy and ready for a relationship, you strike me as scared. And that's normal!
I'm so much better than I've ever been, but dating was scary. Scarier still once I found a guy I actually wanted. And I still have little panic attacks about it that come solely from me. From my fears that no amount of IC and healing are going to cure. Sort of like if a horse bucks you off, a little fear is going to remain until you get back in the saddle again and see that you aren't going to get bucked off again.
In my current relationship, we've had some miscommunication issues b/c of both of us having knee jerk reactions. And we're having to talk through those. And I'm real upfront about what my fears are too. So even though there is some of that legacy shit there, messing me up today, in real terms it's producing a better relationship than I've ever had before b/c stuff gets talked about. And RESOLVED. That's mind-blowing to me.
It's okay to be scared. And it's ok to explain yourself, where you're coming from. If he's the honest person you think he is, he'll account for your fears and it will produce better communication between the two of you.
veelop5 (original poster member #11089) posted at 1:26 PM on Friday, August 9th, 2013
Thank you guys!!! Cayc you hit it right on the nail!!!!! I am scared....His action do follow his words....we are both amazed by how much we like eachother...we are both scared but he is very attentive and listens...I am not sure what will come of it but right now it feels rights and he is pretty amazing....
ME-40
XH-DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE
3 beautiful boys (21,20 & 17)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
10/27/2014-Met a wonderful man 9months ago
Divorce final 3/27/2013
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