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DLP50 posted 8/8/2013 14:24 PM

This is my 1st post. I have had that "gut" feeling for the last 5 years that things were not quite right. He travels very frequently for work, so I had suspicions about what he was doing while gone. I have looked thru his travel receipts for the last 5 years and things do not add up. There are times when he takes others to lunches and dinners, so I understand that, but there is some travel that is kind of spur of the moment (within a couple of days), flights midafternoon and return flights back early the next morning. On some of the receipts from the airport coffee shops, it shows 2 guests. He changed a return flight adding an extra day and I saw the receipt where he had to pay for the change, but he claims the plane had mechanical issues and thatís why he had to stay. He had an early afternoon return flight, and I know there would have been multiple flights that afternoon and evening to our city. I told him if it were a mechanical issue, he would not have to pay for the flight the next day. I have confronted him, multiple times with what I have found on the travel receipts, however, he just flat out says denies and said he had not had an affair and becomes very angry. He had said he is sorry he has hurt me, but still no confession. I do love him despite all the hurt I have endured over the last 5 years, but I just donít know if I can trust him. He is allowing me to look at his work emails (after I asked 2 weeks ago, he finally let me look a week later, which Iím sure it gave him plenty of time to delete emails), his personal email, his personal phone bill, however, he does not receive his work phone bill, it goes directly to his company. I am sooo confused.. glad I found this site. Thanks for allowing me to ramble on.

OldCow18 posted 8/8/2013 14:31 PM

Unfortunately cheaters lie. That is what they do. Unless you have absolute proof they will deny until their dying day. One thing I wish is that I had listened to my gut sooner.

I'm so sorry you are here.

brkn_heartd posted 8/8/2013 14:36 PM

Welcome to SI. This is a good place with a lot of wisdom.

One thing you will see very consistently is "go with your gut". Many of us had a gut feeling that something was wrong, and it was. When our gut talks to us again, it is usually right. If your gut has been talking to you the last 5 years, I would say it is probably right.

If I understand your post, he has not confessed to an affair (A) and you do not have anything concrete. I think you were definitely on the right track with the info you have already.

There is a lot of collective wisdom here and ideas on how to help find the information you need. Right now, take care of yourself.

DLP50 posted 8/8/2013 14:47 PM

Thank you for the welcome!

No he has not confessed, and I don't have anything concrete other than the what shows on the many receipts and my gut!

painpaingoaway posted 8/8/2013 14:54 PM

Does he have an iPhone? You can track him that way, and see if where he says he is matches up with where the iPhone shows him to be.

Other than that, hire a PI to follow him (that would be quite expensive, but sometimes worth it as far as your piece of mind goes).

Another thought is to suddenly show up for a surprise visit in whatever city he is in.

TS68 posted 8/8/2013 15:04 PM

First of all, I can feel your pain and frustration. One thing I can offer, and what i am currently doing is this:

Don't bring it up with him again, not now. Make him believe you trust him now and that you are "relieved to know he is trustworthy". This is super hard, I know! BUT, you do not want him to take his behaviors underground. Sounds like it is early enough stop that from happening, if you are lucky. If he becomes more careful, it will be more difficult to catch anything. And don't think for a minute if he is doing anything suspicious that he would come clean... These guys will lie, deny all day long to protect themselves.
But, maybe you are wrong... I truly hope so for your sake.
Please do this!!! This game is not a fair one
Take care and keep posting... It has helped me so much. The people here are so supportive!

DLP50 posted 8/8/2013 15:40 PM

TS68, thank you so much for the advise! I will try that.

There are so many other "clues" on his trips that I have not expanded on. Here are a few:
When we have had a vacation planned, he always seems to have a business trip right before or right after our trip.

I believe the AP works in the airline industry because of the multiple cities.
I know the user name and passwords to his credit cards, so there has never been any airline tickets purchased and he could not use his corporate cc for someone elses tickets.

I am familiar with the clients he visits and where they are located. On the rental car contracts, there are quite a few that the mileage is too much for where the clients offices are located. I have used google maps to get the mileage, and some are over the top! Most of those have been in California, Las Vegas and Florida.

I'll just sit back and act like everything is good and see what happens.

Thanks everyone!

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