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exhausted lady posted 8/8/2013 15:49 PM

I'm having a day where I just can't get in I'm hanging out on the net and thought I'd check in with y'all and see how everyone else is doing, and ruminate about the past few months.

Life has been a bitch this summer, but I've had some really good stuff to go with the horrible experience of losing my dad a month ago. I finally got my mom moved out of the nursing home and in with me & the Bear last week and she's doing soooo much better. I feel way better having her here with me/us. I am somewhat OCD about taking care of her, (she has dementia) and with her in my home - I can finally relax a little and not worry so much.

Having to put her in the nursing home for a short PT/therapy stay after my father's death just about killed me. Plus, I found dimes everywhere until I got her home. I googled the phenomena and I have no doubt it was my dad sending word that he was with us, and he wanted me to get mom home.

On another with the Bear couldn't be better. Seriously. This man walked into my life when I was in the middle of the shit storm from hell, and he's not only hung in there - he's been truly amazing. He made the box that has my dad's ashes in it (it's awesome, and exactly what we envisioned). He is the kind of guy that loves to keep busy tinkering around, and God knows I needed someone like that!

I'm slowly relaxing and (*gasp*) trusting the whole idea that I can depend on him. If he says he'll take care of something - it gets done. If he sees something that needs to be done - it gets done. If I ask him to do something (once) - it gets done.

WTF? Am I dreaming?

When it got to the point where my daughter & I were having to take shifts to care for my father, I wasn't home very much and my mind was (obviously) NOT focused on the Bear. I fully expected him to gently extract himself and move on because, quite frankly, it was a horrendous experience. We couldn't find nursing help, except for the 1 hour a day that the nurse from Hospice came in to deal with stuff we couldn't.

He took care of my place, helped with my dad where he could, let me cry on his shoulder, and just let it be what it was going to be. And when it was over, he was here to hold me. He didn't try to fix the unfixable, but when we needed him he was there within minutes.

I didn't know that it was possible to have so many bad things going on, and yet so many good things too.

This morning the Bear found a dime in his shoe. I think my dad approves.

cayc posted 8/8/2013 16:50 PM

What a lovely update! I'm glad you have someone IRL who has stood by you during this time and made your transition into yet another new life easier.

259 posted 8/8/2013 17:04 PM

your post gives me hope and makes me smile for you.

my mum has dementia too. I understand.

big hugs to you and a high five.

NaiveAgain posted 8/8/2013 18:17 PM

(((exhausted lady))) I'm sorry about your dad.

That is wonderful though that you have a lovely man in your life that seems to be there for you when you need him. And also glad you have your mom close. And the dime story is interesting, I hadn't heard that before.....

Kajem posted 8/8/2013 19:10 PM

I am sorry about your dad. I liked reading about your new normal, it sounds promising.



Helen of Troy posted 8/8/2013 20:30 PM

I am sorry for your loss.
It's good to hear from you and that you're doing well. Always an inspiration on this forum.

exhausted lady posted 8/9/2013 00:37 AM

I had honestly given up on dating when I first met the Bear. I knew what was coming with my dad, and I didn't feel like it was fair to start a new relationship with that kind of stuff looming on the horizon.

But....the Bear hung in there. He never pushed, but he was always there. He'd ask me to go do something, I'd decline because I didn't think it was the right time to start something and then have zero time to spend on a new partner....and he'd back off and ask again a couple of weeks later.

He finally wore me down. I did explain why I was so reluctant to date him (I was attracted to him from the start), and he told me not to worry about that. We'd been shooting pool in the same tournaments for months, and he said he had a pretty good idea of who I was based on that, and he wasn't going to give up on me.

He's a BS too, and we had already talked about a lot of our pasts before we ever went out. Weird....after all the time I spent OLD and "nexting" about a dozen+ men, I found a great guy shooting pool in a biker bar. I wasn't even looking at the time. Who woulda thunk it? I love this man, and I have NO doubt he feels the same way about me. We just "get" each other. We were both raised on ranches, love to ride motorcycles and horses, shoot pool, and he's a "family first" kind of person too.

The dime thing was weird. I didn't pay much attention at first, but after the first dozen or so in a day, it got my attention. A FB peep told me to google it, so I did.

Now that I've got my mom home, and my dad's ashes are in that awesome box here in my home, the dimes have quit appearing (except in the Bear's shoe this morning). I have no doubt those dimes are from my dad. I found about $20 worth in less than a week, and that just NEVER happens by chance. It's very comforting in an odd sort of way.

cmego posted 8/9/2013 06:36 AM

I love hearing your story of the dimes. When my Dad passed away, every now and then I would smell cigar smoke in really odd places.

When I made the decision to leave ex, I pulled into my garage, got out of the car, checked the mail, and then came back into the house walking through the garage...and walked right through a cloud of cigar smoke. I knew my Dad was letting me know he was there.

Glad you found a good man.

better4me posted 8/9/2013 18:29 PM

Oh EL so much from your story makes me smile. I'm so glad that you have some one to lean on. It's so cool that you had reminders of your dad and that you feel peace about your decision to have your mother with you. It makes me feel so happy for you that when you weren't looking you found someone who is willing to share your burdens. I feel a contented sigh coming on reading your story. I feel hopeful. Thank you.

WTF? Am I dreaming?
Maybe, but I have the feeling when you wake up, it will still be there.

Thanks for checking in((hugs))

seekingright2013 posted 8/10/2013 04:52 AM

So sorry anout your dad, EL.

Sooooo happy for you and your new relationship! Wonderful. I love that you met him while you were just living and enjoying your life.

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