The way I look at it is what I did is in the past so it's like a dream. It was real though but looking back in my current state of mind it's like how could I have done something like this to the person I was supposed to love forever no matter what.
As for the BS I don't think they see it as a dream but more as a reality as they are living it now. They wish it was a dream but to them it's not.
I see where you're coming from and I get in these funks too but you need to see that what doesn't seem real to you is in realtime for them. Hope it helps.