[This message edited by BetrayedHusband1 at 4:06 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]
also, it is a matter of public health that you raise a complaint against him. He will just be using his position of trust against many other women, perhaps destroying many families.
If your wife won't help you, you should file it yourself.
He needs to lose his license.
I agree with mike7. Report the counselor ASAP. I highly doubt your wife's name will be made public bc of privacy laws but this cracker jack of a therapist needs to have his license revoked! Holy cow!
I read a long time ago (and I know statistics are subjective) but one of the careers most prone to infidelity was amongst marriage counselors. Comforting, huh?
Yes it is VERY common to ask detailed questions and VERY common for your wayward spouse to refuse to answer. Check out the "healing library" link on this site. It's the link in the yellow box to the left of your screen.
Keep posting. You will find awesome support here.
Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)
I understand she may feel guilty because they probably said ILYs, etc.
But you should tell her that he was in a position of authority and trust. She felt she could tell him everything. She told him her problems, her marriage problems, her issues with you, your faults.
She told him all these things and he used it to fuck her.
She shouldn't feel guilty about taking him down. He abused her trust whether she wants to believe it or not.
I really feel for you man. I know that no one knows exactly what you are going through. Still, I would force her hand. It's you or him. IMO - if she doesn't complain it will be very hard for you to respect and trust her again. But I guess, only you can decide that.
Hang in there.
The fact that he participated is unforgivable and he needs to lose his license to practice. He can do irreparable damage if he has no boundaries.
Also, she still may have feelings for him because her anger at him has not kicked in yet.
Try to get her to file the complaint on that basis, that he has done harm to her and her family and could do the same to others. If she won't, then you contact the board and at least tell them what happened, but that your wife is reluctant to file a complaint. There may be other compaints against him and at least they will be on alert.
So sorry this man allowed himself to become involved with your wife. She could have said no of course, but that position of power and trust is very powerful.
Now both of you need to get to a MC. A good MC may be able to convince her to file the complaint.
How are you doing? I realize that it's been 3 months, but that is one hellu'va blow. At three months, I was just beginning to eat solid food. Have you had a chance to read the healing library in the upper left hand corner yet? Please, take some time to do so. More precisely, read about the 180.
The reason I suggest this is that I suspect your WW regrets the affair, but is not truly remorseful. If she truly had remorse, she would be more than willing to out the SOB. Use the 180 to start the healing process for you.
OK, maybe fear does play a part, but I believe she would be shielded from public exposure due to HIPPA laws. She was his patient right? He can't expose her. Doing so would amount to jail time or at the very least, massive fines. Really, it shouldn't matter. Remorse would be her doing anything to save the M.
Is POSER married? Out him to his BW. Get yourself tested for STD's. This in all likelihood isn't the first time he's done this. Even if WW claims they used protection, condoms don't protect against everything and it's use is unlikely.(Do you really believe her?).
Don't lose focus of the real problem here. Your WW was a willing participant to this. She made the choice to do this too. She's still doing it by protecting him. She needs to make a choice!!! You or him.
"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife
This is what I'd do. Fill out a complaint, have your wife sign it, and have it notarized. Then call the counselor's wife and tell her you have a signed and notarized complaint but that you aren't going to file it out of respect for her and her family. After all, her husband is the creep not her. She's in your boat.
Tell her, that if your wife or family is ever contacted in any way, shape or form you will file the complaint. No emails, texts, letters, phone calls, friends passing messages or intermediaries.
Then you will have him by the balls. You'll be protected. Your wife won't have her reputation ruined, and the innocent BW won't be hurt.
If your wife won't do that, then I think you're in trouble. Clearly, she's not on your team. She's either on his team or her own team, but if she won't even do that, then she's not on her team. In that case, I know that I would file for divorce. But that's up to you.
Hang in there. This is heart-breaking stuff.