Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: YoungNInLove (61865)

User Topic: I don't think I can take a third time.
♀ 14975
Member # 14975
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't been on here in years, yes I said years. I thought it was over, that he finally got it and would never hurt me again. My husband had an affair about 15 years ago got caught it took about another year to get him to completely stay away from her. Then about 7 years ago he got caught in an EA with his old High School sweetheart, this went on for about 6 months. Once again I thought he finally got it and how hurtful it was to bring a third party into our lives. Now for the past 4 months he has been giving a ride to a girl that works at Home Depot a ride to and from work because she is pregnant and has no one else. He will get up at 7 in the morning to take her and wait up at night till they close to take her home. He is retired and I work full time so there is no way to account for his time when I am not at home and even though I have repeatedly ask him to stop, that with his history it makes me uncomfortable he refuses to stop. Am I just being suspicious or do I need to start following him? I just don't think I can do this again.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: kentucky
♀ 34782
Member # 34782
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do you think is going on? Is his behavior similar to the past?

What you are asking of him is reasonable. What does he say when you ask him to stop this behavior? What is his reason to refuse to stop taking her to and from work?

If continues to disregard your concerns, what are you prepared to do?

Me BW - 46
Him WH - 53
Together 23 yrs, Married 18
DDay August 2011
2 kids - 13 and 15

Gotta love the life that we livin'

Posts: 376 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ 10468
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that given his history then any interaction with another woman should be avoided. I'm sorry he isn't taking your feelings into consideration.

Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6747 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
♀ 37043
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is odd behavior. It is one thing to help out on occasion, or band together with other colleagues to share the responsibility. Although, given his history, he probably shouldn't even do that. But if it was a group effort or something, I could maybe/sort of understand. But him being accountable for her 5 days a week? Weird. Even the kindest soul wouldn't want to rise early and stay up late for another person, day in and day out - hell, not even your spouse. I'd be suspicious as well.

Yea, follow him. Or, have you talked to him? Asked him why? Asked him to stop? His response to your request for him to stop would tell you a lot.

Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
brainless twit
♀ 12085
Member # 12085
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you're back here, trenka. I'm also back after a hiatus of several years (and I'm a fellow Kentuckian, so hello!). In my case it progressed to a full blown PA before I did enough research to verify that something really was wrong and I wasn't being paranoid. I vote that you do whatever you need to do to feel safe.

"Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks." --Forrest Gump

D-Day 8/7/06
Divorced 12/14/09
R Began 5/21/11
D-Day #2 7/9/13 (OW #2 is OW #1's first cousin)
R Began (again) 5/03/14

Posts: 1545 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Kentucky
♀ 14975
Member # 14975
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well found over 200 texts in the last 10 days, after he promised me that there was no contact between them. Now just to figure out what I want to do.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: kentucky
♀ 34273
Member # 34273
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow thatsbablong time to deal with someone's bullcrap- I say let him be her permanent ride indefinitely , it doesn't seem like he got it the last times he cheated- what is making u accept this behavior? Is this the kind of life u want

Posts: 80 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: AZ
♀ 27071
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He maybe thinks it worked for him twice before so.... surely he can do as he pleases a third time and get by with it yet again. So sorry. It stinks any time it happens but it really stinks when you're at an age where you believe your M is safe. And find it isn't. Sending hugs....

D-Day: 8/28/2009
BW: 59 @ D-Day XH: 60 @ D-Day Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
Beyond terror is freedom. (Agnes Martin)

Posts: 1242 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You say that you don't think that you can take it for a 3rd time....but that sure seems to be what you are looking at.

So now what?

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
♀ 6908
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. 200 texts. To someone who wants to "just help out". KISA comes to mind. And it can be the worse thing to ever cure. And oh so painful for a BS who only wants them to pay attention to you.

I would have to really take a good hard look around me and ask what this relationship is bringing to me? Why do I stay with someone who continues to cross boundries with other women?

I so know this feeling. My H seems to only be able to work with women, "men just don't need him" in his certain type of work. It is painful to listen to.

I think if I were you I would be getting my ducks in a row silently and cleaning up my life to be able to move on. JMO.

Posts: 6508 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
Topic Posts: 10

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.