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I don't think I can take a third time.

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trenka posted 8/8/2013 18:02 PM

I haven't been on here in years, yes I said years. I thought it was over, that he finally got it and would never hurt me again. My husband had an affair about 15 years ago got caught it took about another year to get him to completely stay away from her. Then about 7 years ago he got caught in an EA with his old High School sweetheart, this went on for about 6 months. Once again I thought he finally got it and how hurtful it was to bring a third party into our lives. Now for the past 4 months he has been giving a ride to a girl that works at Home Depot a ride to and from work because she is pregnant and has no one else. He will get up at 7 in the morning to take her and wait up at night till they close to take her home. He is retired and I work full time so there is no way to account for his time when I am not at home and even though I have repeatedly ask him to stop, that with his history it makes me uncomfortable he refuses to stop. Am I just being suspicious or do I need to start following him? I just don't think I can do this again.

Wonderingwhy11 posted 8/8/2013 18:24 PM

What do you think is going on? Is his behavior similar to the past?

What you are asking of him is reasonable. What does he say when you ask him to stop this behavior? What is his reason to refuse to stop taking her to and from work?

If continues to disregard your concerns, what are you prepared to do?

hardtimesinlife posted 8/8/2013 19:58 PM

I think that given his history then any interaction with another woman should be avoided. I'm sorry he isn't taking your feelings into consideration.

RockyMtn posted 8/8/2013 21:02 PM

It is odd behavior. It is one thing to help out on occasion, or band together with other colleagues to share the responsibility. Although, given his history, he probably shouldn't even do that. But if it was a group effort or something, I could maybe/sort of understand. But him being accountable for her 5 days a week? Weird. Even the kindest soul wouldn't want to rise early and stay up late for another person, day in and day out - hell, not even your spouse. I'd be suspicious as well.

Yea, follow him. Or, have you talked to him? Asked him why? Asked him to stop? His response to your request for him to stop would tell you a lot.

brainless twit posted 8/8/2013 21:34 PM

Sorry you're back here, trenka. I'm also back after a hiatus of several years (and I'm a fellow Kentuckian, so hello!). In my case it progressed to a full blown PA before I did enough research to verify that something really was wrong and I wasn't being paranoid. I vote that you do whatever you need to do to feel safe.

trenka posted 8/11/2013 23:05 PM

Well found over 200 texts in the last 10 days, after he promised me that there was no contact between them. Now just to figure out what I want to do.

Done_withThePain posted 8/11/2013 23:19 PM

Wow thatsbablong time to deal with someone's bullcrap- I say let him be her permanent ride indefinitely , it doesn't seem like he got it the last times he cheated- what is making u accept this behavior? Is this the kind of life u want

LifeIsBroken posted 8/11/2013 23:49 PM

He maybe thinks it worked for him twice before so.... surely he can do as he pleases a third time and get by with it yet again. So sorry. It stinks any time it happens but it really stinks when you're at an age where you believe your M is safe. And find it isn't. Sending hugs....

gonnabe2016 posted 8/11/2013 23:58 PM

You say that you don't think that you can take it for a 3rd time....but that sure seems to be what you are looking at.

So now what?

realitybites posted 8/12/2013 05:30 AM

Wow. 200 texts. To someone who wants to "just help out". KISA comes to mind. And it can be the worse thing to ever cure. And oh so painful for a BS who only wants them to pay attention to you.

I would have to really take a good hard look around me and ask what this relationship is bringing to me? Why do I stay with someone who continues to cross boundries with other women?

I so know this feeling. My H seems to only be able to work with women, "men just don't need him" in his certain type of work. It is painful to listen to.

I think if I were you I would be getting my ducks in a row silently and cleaning up my life to be able to move on. JMO.

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