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Do you think they obsess over us the way we do about them?

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cuppacoffee posted 8/8/2013 18:15 PM

I'm speaking of the OW/OM.

I spend a lot of my day thinking about how much I hate her. thinking about how she knew we had 6 kids. just everything about her.

Do you think they think about us at all?

heartache101 posted 8/8/2013 18:19 PM

Nope I truly believe all they think of is them. It is all about them..

JMO.. I know my girlfriend when she did this with her past marriage. I asked her isn't he married. Oh that marriage is over he just sleeps on the couch
I am serious she had no thought or care about those kids or the wifey. None..

Spelljean posted 8/8/2013 18:20 PM

Yes, probably more so.

OW apparently obsessed over me and WHs refusal to cut me out of his life totally. She felt even though we have been married 17 years and have a daughter that zero contact with me was reasonable and expected. It is why she wrote up "boundary" rules for him on paper and gave it to him.

I'm at the point where I can totally envision NC with my husband forever! But he told me OW had a huge issue with him and me.

She wanted me out of the picture.

Trust me, OW/OM definitely think about the BS quite a lot. They may not consider our feelings when sleeping with our WS, but they do obsess.

[This message edited by Spelljean at 6:21 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

heartache101 posted 8/8/2013 18:24 PM

Oh and the OW (my friend) and the WS got married and now they are divorced also she forced him into bankruptcy.

Tred posted 8/8/2013 18:24 PM

Not a chance in hell. Her AP was just a player looking to add notches to his belt, he could of cared less about her, her family, or anything other than using her. If he only got to use her once, he'd of been ecstatic and moved on.

cuppacoffee posted 8/8/2013 18:24 PM

I know she was pissed at me on my birthday because I told him I didn't want him talking to her. At the time I was told they were just good friends.

Yeah that pissed me off. Like dude it's his wife's birthday why would he talk to you? That's when a red flag went up. Supposedly the sex was done and over by then but they kept up a fake friendship to hid the affair.

Like I wonder does she creep on my FB/pinterst/twitter?

I don't on hers because it's private but I do on her boyfriends. He's open like a book.

crazyblindsided posted 8/8/2013 18:26 PM

When I read over on the OW section (on another relationship forum I am on) they certainly do, especially post DDay.

Oh also wanted to add that I recently had the pleasure of being contacted by MOW a couple of months ago to be told by her that all I do is obsess about her all day long. I immediately thought to myself, well no I actually don't. I honestly think she was projecting onto me funny OW

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 6:28 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

canteat posted 8/8/2013 18:31 PM

I am sure they do think about us. But HOW they think about us and how much would depend on the A situation.

My WH and OW started out as "friends" that turned into more. He knew he didn't want to be with HER-just liked the way she made him feel. I saw emails that talked about how they loved each other, and made "plans" for her to move here to be with him. The sad thing is, I think she actually believed him. For him it was all fantasy bullshit but for her (at least in part) I think she thought she found the man of her dreams. She wanted him to meet her friends and family. She got a plane ticket from her parents as an xmas gift so she could come visit him. (WTF?) She hinted to him about getting married. REALLY?? He already was married! And she knew it-so that's where my sympathy turns to venom.

Poor pathetic OW. Sometimes I (almost) feel sorry for her (then I remember I hate her and she should die a firey death.) I am sure she thinks of me, him and the A. Wondering what is going on now with me and H. Wondering if what she thought about me and our M was the truth or lies. If she was lied to and "used" If maybe, if things don't work out she has a chance with him still.

I am sure she has lots of thoughts and was hurt by this too. The BS in me hopes that she wallows in her pain, I think she deserves it. May she choke on it and may she choke on our R.

crazyblindsided posted 8/8/2013 18:37 PM

The BS in me hopes that she wallows in her pain, I think she deserves it. May she choke on it and may she choke on our R.

Can I just raise a toast to this!!!

I know my WH's MOW wonders because she told me WH is just staying with me because he's afraid I will commit suicide if he okay I'm perfectly fine now and I have already tried to kick him out a zillion times and he just won't budge...silly OW

Kelany posted 8/8/2013 18:45 PM

I know his lta did. She would ask about me, ask when we had last had sex, etc. I'm sure they do to some degree.

rachelc posted 8/8/2013 19:33 PM

If the AP has remorse, yes every day.... Every day she think about how she broke the girl code, can't look at herself in the mirror because she's so ashamed, especially if she's a mother, she knows there were times the BS couldn't parent as well as she needed to because the BS found out what her husband was up to And about died. The remorseful AP realizes she stole from another woman: time, memories, intimacy that was not rightfully hers, and it makes her sick!!!
The remorseful AP is so sorry.
She thinks about how she could make it up to this woman. But there is nothing she can do but stay away...

[This message edited by rachelc at 7:39 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

lostworld posted 8/8/2013 20:16 PM

Absolutely, but only because I have what she wants. I am an obstacle that thwarted her.

Tearsoflove posted 8/8/2013 20:27 PM

In the beginning, I obsessed. I won't lie and say there aren't still thoughts, but I've moved on for the most part. In fact, if they cross my mind now it feels like it happened to someone else and this person I heard about once just went through my mind. I don't feel any emotion about it anymore.

I don't know if they think about me. I don't really care, either. I just don't have enough energy left over after I deal with all the things I do care about to worry about them. They were just little blips that made some unpleasant changes in my life like a car accident or an illness would. And I don't spend a lot of time thinking about old car accidents and illnesses either. I solved the problems and moved on and made my life better than it was before the unfortunate events. I'm not about to let someone else's carelessness affect the rest of my life in a detrimental way. If the OWs have any intelligence at all, they are doing the same. And if they don't, they're not and that's their problem, not mine.

musiclovingmom posted 8/8/2013 21:07 PM

Obsess, no. Two of them I can almost guarantee never think about me or my H (one didn't know I existed). One might some, but only because I didn't leave when she outed him and so I have what she wanted. The other two live in the same town as me. We have mutual friends. I'm sure there are times when I'm involved in a story they're hearing or when they see/hear my name, but neither of them has a remorseful bone in their bodies. Never have.

philly172 posted 8/8/2013 21:36 PM

In my sitch.. oh hell yes! When WH & I decided to R, I demanded to see his phone instantly (before he had a chance to delete anything) & I'm not kidding 80-90% of her texts were about me..

Early in the A she even called me to buy some products I used to sell from me & offered to meet me for coffee.. She chickened out as I was fired up to meet with her & give her a 'what for'

mchercheur posted 8/8/2013 21:55 PM

I have often wondered about this but have no idea,since I have never met her.
WH told me that when he told her that I knew about the A, she started to cry. But I don't know why she was crying.
She didn't give up on pursuing WH immediately, but it seems as tho she has now.

PhantomLimb posted 8/8/2013 22:01 PM

I rarely give her a thought, so I don't assume she thinks about me.

That said, if you google my name my professional webpage comes up. I noticed over the last few months that my visit numbers sky rocketed for no reason (before DDay). I have some photos up there. So who knows.

OnAnIsland posted 8/9/2013 00:39 AM

Who knows? Why care? But I think I am the obstacle that thwarted her plan for instant family and new partner. Take two broken people, add a few divorces and a remarriage and *poof* instant family. Sorry marriedOW or soontobedivorcedformerOW-whichever is true- not your turn to step mom my kids.

TxsT posted 8/9/2013 01:42 AM

I am in the same boat as Lost on this one.

The OW in my situation has even flown up to CDN to reclaim what was her "rightful best friend in the whole wide world". I have had the pleasure of texting with her about her feelings for my husband.....

Unfortunately we have had to file 2 different restraining orders on her because my MC and doctor both believe she will harm me if given the chance because I stand in her way. She is delusional and narcissistic and lord help her if she ever comes back to my house again!!!


16forever posted 8/9/2013 03:43 AM

I wonder this daily I think bout her daily , she hated me threated to beat my ass , I want to know what she was thinking during the A
Did she care she was hurting my kids , how could u hurt another woman like that did she care he gave up time with his kids to sneak off to see her or that he left his daughters 13th birthday party early to go to a Bon fire with her (at this point he was living with her) or that because while he lived with her and controlled his paycheck I had to go on good stamps to provide food I would love to hear her answers I was told her mother during the A yes she lived with her mom and dad and three kids and they all knew he was married and let him move in .........any her mom stalked my fb page threw my DD 'S fb page really ....

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