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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: Do you think they obsess over us the way we do about them?
cuppacoffee
♀ 39313
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm speaking of the OW/OM.

I spend a lot of my day thinking about how much I hate her. thinking about how she knew we had 6 kids. just everything about her.

Do you think they think about us at all?


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
heartache101
♀ 26465
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope I truly believe all they think of is them. It is all about them..

JMO.. I know my girlfriend when she did this with her past marriage. I asked her isn't he married. Oh that marriage is over he just sleeps on the couch
I am serious she had no thought or care about those kids or the wifey. None..


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3199 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Spelljean
♀ 35624
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, probably more so.

OW apparently obsessed over me and WHs refusal to cut me out of his life totally. She felt even though we have been married 17 years and have a daughter that zero contact with me was reasonable and expected. It is why she wrote up "boundary" rules for him on paper and gave it to him.

I'm at the point where I can totally envision NC with my husband forever! But he told me OW had a huge issue with him and me.

She wanted me out of the picture.

Trust me, OW/OM definitely think about the BS quite a lot. They may not consider our feelings when sleeping with our WS, but they do obsess.

[This message edited by Spelljean at 6:21 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
heartache101
♀ 26465
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh and the OW (my friend) and the WS got married and now they are divorced also she forced him into bankruptcy.


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3199 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Tred
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not a chance in hell. Her AP was just a player looking to add notches to his belt, he could of cared less about her, her family, or anything other than using her. If he only got to use her once, he'd of been ecstatic and moved on.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4130 | Registered: Dec 2011
cuppacoffee
♀ 39313
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know she was pissed at me on my birthday because I told him I didn't want him talking to her. At the time I was told they were just good friends.

Yeah that pissed me off. Like dude it's his wife's birthday why would he talk to you? That's when a red flag went up. Supposedly the sex was done and over by then but they kept up a fake friendship to hid the affair.


Like I wonder does she creep on my FB/pinterst/twitter?

I don't on hers because it's private but I do on her boyfriends. He's open like a book.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
crazyblindsided
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I read over on the OW section (on another relationship forum I am on) they certainly do, especially post DDay.

Oh also wanted to add that I recently had the pleasure of being contacted by MOW a couple of months ago to be told by her that all I do is obsess about her all day long. I immediately thought to myself, well no I actually don't. I honestly think she was projecting onto me funny OW

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 6:28 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
canteat
♀ 39636
Member # 39636
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sure they do think about us. But HOW they think about us and how much would depend on the A situation.

My WH and OW started out as "friends" that turned into more. He knew he didn't want to be with HER-just liked the way she made him feel. I saw emails that talked about how they loved each other, and made "plans" for her to move here to be with him. The sad thing is, I think she actually believed him. For him it was all fantasy bullshit but for her (at least in part) I think she thought she found the man of her dreams. She wanted him to meet her friends and family. She got a plane ticket from her parents as an xmas gift so she could come visit him. (WTF?) She hinted to him about getting married. REALLY?? He already was married! And she knew it-so that's where my sympathy turns to venom.

Poor pathetic OW. Sometimes I (almost) feel sorry for her (then I remember I hate her and she should die a firey death.) I am sure she thinks of me, him and the A. Wondering what is going on now with me and H. Wondering if what she thought about me and our M was the truth or lies. If she was lied to and "used" If maybe, if things don't work out she has a chance with him still.

I am sure she has lots of thoughts and was hurt by this too. The BS in me hopes that she wallows in her pain, I think she deserves it. May she choke on it and may she choke on our R.


Me: BW 42
Him: WH 47
Married 9 years-together 18
Dday: 6/17/2013 EA/PA(EA 1yr/PA 6mos-OW out of state)
status: Starting R 7/22/13

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jun 2013
crazyblindsided
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The BS in me hopes that she wallows in her pain, I think she deserves it. May she choke on it and may she choke on our R.

Can I just raise a toast to this!!!

I know my WH's MOW wonders because she told me WH is just staying with me because he's afraid I will commit suicide if he leaves...um okay I'm perfectly fine now and I have already tried to kick him out a zillion times and he just won't budge...silly OW


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Kelany
♀ 34755
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know his lta did. She would ask about me, ask when we had last had sex, etc. I'm sure they do to some degree.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If the AP has remorse, yes every day.... Every day she think about how she broke the girl code, can't look at herself in the mirror because she's so ashamed, especially if she's a mother, she knows there were times the BS couldn't parent as well as she needed to because the BS found out what her husband was up to And about died. The remorseful AP realizes she stole from another woman: time, memories, intimacy that was not rightfully hers, and it makes her sick!!!
The remorseful AP is so sorry.
She thinks about how she could make it up to this woman. But there is nothing she can do but stay away...

[This message edited by rachelc at 7:39 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5771 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
lostworld
♀ 19197
Member # 19197
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely, but only because I have what she wants. I am an obstacle that thwarted her.


Me: BS
Him: FWH
Married 30 yrs. w/ 2 grown kids
Dday 1: Very early 2007
Dday 2: Mid 2008 (same MOW, 14 month false R)
R'd
The affair was the aberration, not the marriage or the man.

Posts: 821 | Registered: Apr 2008
Tearsoflove
♀ 8271
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the beginning, I obsessed. I won't lie and say there aren't still thoughts, but I've moved on for the most part. In fact, if they cross my mind now it feels like it happened to someone else and this person I heard about once just went through my mind. I don't feel any emotion about it anymore.

I don't know if they think about me. I don't really care, either. I just don't have enough energy left over after I deal with all the things I do care about to worry about them. They were just little blips that made some unpleasant changes in my life like a car accident or an illness would. And I don't spend a lot of time thinking about old car accidents and illnesses either. I solved the problems and moved on and made my life better than it was before the unfortunate events. I'm not about to let someone else's carelessness affect the rest of my life in a detrimental way. If the OWs have any intelligence at all, they are doing the same. And if they don't, they're not and that's their problem, not mine.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4306 | Registered: Sep 2005
musiclovingmom
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Obsess, no. Two of them I can almost guarantee never think about me or my H (one didn't know I existed). One might some, but only because I didn't leave when she outed him and so I have what she wanted. The other two live in the same town as me. We have mutual friends. I'm sure there are times when I'm involved in a story they're hearing or when they see/hear my name, but neither of them has a remorseful bone in their bodies. Never have.

Posts: 1171 | Registered: Jan 2013
philly172
♀ 19024
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my sitch.. oh hell yes! When WH & I decided to R, I demanded to see his phone instantly (before he had a chance to delete anything) & I'm not kidding 80-90% of her texts were about me..

Early in the A she even called me to buy some products I used to sell from me & offered to meet me for coffee.. She chickened out as I was fired up to meet with her & give her a 'what for'


"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4793 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
mchercheur
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have often wondered about this but have no idea,since I have never met her.
WH told me that when he told her that I knew about the A, she started to cry. But I don't know why she was crying.
She didn't give up on pursuing WH immediately, but it seems as tho she has now.


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1465 | Registered: Dec 2012
PhantomLimb
♀ 39668
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I rarely give her a thought, so I don't assume she thinks about me.

That said, if you google my name my professional webpage comes up. I noticed over the last few months that my visit numbers sky rocketed for no reason (before DDay). I have some photos up there. So who knows.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
OnAnIsland
♀ 34319
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who knows? Why care? But I think I am the obstacle that thwarted her plan for instant family and new partner. Take two broken people, add a few divorces and a remarriage and *poof* instant family. Sorry marriedOW or soontobedivorcedformerOW-whichever is true- not your turn to step mom my kids.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1482 | Registered: Dec 2011
TxsT
♀ 39996
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the same boat as Lost on this one.

The OW in my situation has even flown up to CDN to reclaim what was her "rightful best friend in the whole wide world". I have had the pleasure of texting with her about her feelings for my husband.....

Unfortunately we have had to file 2 different restraining orders on her because my MC and doctor both believe she will harm me if given the chance because I stand in her way. She is delusional and narcissistic and lord help her if she ever comes back to my house again!!!

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
16forever
♀ 37255
Member # 37255
Default  Posted: 3:43 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder this daily I think bout her daily , she hated me threated to beat my ass , I want to know what she was thinking during the A
Did she care she was hurting my kids , how could u hurt another woman like that did she care he gave up time with his kids to sneak off to see her or that he left his daughters 13th birthday party early to go to a Bon fire with her (at this point he was living with her) or that because while he lived with her and controlled his paycheck I had to go on good stamps to provide food I would love to hear her answers I was told her mother during the A yes she lived with her mom and dad and three kids and they all knew he was married and let him move in .........any her mom stalked my fb page threw my DD 'S fb page really ....


Me:BS
Him:WS
3 awesome kids

Posts: 183 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: My own nightmare
Topic Posts: 45
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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