SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

FeelSoSmall posted 8/8/2013 20:23 PM

Does the 180 really work? Can someone post the link? I cant find it on the board anymore... (though I did find it a few days ago). IT didnt seem like something that would actually change anything... I mean, I actually feel like my mind is doing a 180 on its own. BUT-- how exactly does this help the M? HAS it WORKED for anyone on here?

TrustedHer posted 8/8/2013 21:10 PM

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11

In the Healing Library which is in the yellow box at the top left of your screen, then click on BS FAQ, then Item 11.

The 180 works. But it's not to save your marriage.

It's to save you. Which might save your marriage, or might not.

Right now, you need to focus on surviving. You need to eat, drink water, sleep. You need to know that you have time to make decisions about your future, you don't have to do it this minute.

And you need to focus on getting yourself through this. Which means NOT focusing on the marriage, the WS, or anything less important than your physical, mental, and spiritual health.

Only when you're strong and through some of the stress, can you move forward with important life decisions.

Best of luck to you, FSS. You can do this.

Smokehouse posted 8/9/2013 01:48 AM

So sorry you are here FSS. My DDay was 07/21/13. Not sure how far out you are from yours.

I have not tried all aspects of the 180, but only certain ones. My WW and I have chosen R. The 180 seems to me to be purely for moving on if R is not first and foremost in your mind.

I do believe being pathetic is unattractive, especially to a female towards a male. I try to be confident in my decision to forgive my WW wife and she is appreciative. My marriage was not going well prior to DDay, mostly due to being unattentive, distant, not showing my love and appreciation. To me, the opposite would be counterproductive to repairing the things that put her in an emotional state that she reached out for the OM.

I am definitely NOT saying it was my fault at all. I love my WW beyond words. I would NOT have done what she did, no matter what I believed the state of our marriage was in. I need my WW to know how bad this has hurt me, see how bad I am hurt, and hear how bad I hurt. I don't believe she sees me as being pathetic. Rather, as somebody she has wounded, betrayed, no longer has trust in her. I need her to help me.

I had my WW read numerous articles related to what I described. She has responded and apologizes for the state of mind and physical hurt I currently feel. I have responded by starting to forgive her, getting back to my routines, like work, exercising, being positive about R, and starting our marriage all over again.

I would do the 180, in my opinion if she was not completely honest, not putting the effort I believed she needed to, not remorseful, and not willing to R.

Just my opinion and it appears to be working for the moment. Hope this helps.

BS - 49
WW - 33
SD - 10
Heartbroken - 07/21/13