Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: NumbRiver (61160)

User Topic: What does he really want?
♀ 40233
Member # 40233
Stop  Posted: 9:31 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm lost.

My husband is so up and down with what he wants. One minute he is saying that he loves me more than anything and if others can get through it, then he certainly can, and the next minute he's asking if I will cope with the children by myself if he moves out. I'm booking us into MC for tomorrow afternoon, but he's not even sure he wants to fix things. He says that he doesn't want to forget about it because that is like giving me the green light to cheat again. Which of course is categorically NOT the case. What should I do? Go ahead with the very expensive MC and hope that he takes it seriously or continue as we are?

The lowdown is that I met my ex in a public place and we dtd for around a minute before I ran away crying and saying that I love my husband. I of course completely cut contact since then. I confessed to it a week ago and since life has of course been hell. I love my husband dearly, and while mental illness doesn't condone my actions, I truly believe it's played a big role. Anyway, my full story is on my profile if anybody is interested in reading it.

I LOVE my husband with my whole heart and I couldn't possibly be more remorseful, but I just don't know what to do???? :'(

Sometimes I just forget
Say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you crying
It breaks my heart to see you crying
I don't wanna lose you
I could never make it alone

C x

Posts: 9 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Yorkshire
♀ 32507
Member # 32507
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC is very beneficial. And right now, your husband is on an emotional rollercoaster. He will be for a while. There are going to be days he can't imagine life with you and days that he won't even won't to be in your presence. The best thing for you to do is be completely open and honest - no matter what. Be humble and remorseful and understand that he is going through more emotions right now than you could ever imagine.

Married - 9 years
Children - 2
D-Day - March 2011

Posts: 53 | Registered: Jun 2011
♀ 36345
Member # 36345
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband was so up and down too. Was for a long time. Time has gone on and sometimes he is still indecisive on what he wants but for the most part he knows now what he wants.

Recovery is a very long journey and it will never end. You need to continue to improve yourself and continue to help your husband. Maybe marriage counselling will help him decide what he wants. Maybe it will help him see how things will be and decide if this is truly what he wants.

How did MC go?
Did anything come from it?
How is your husband doing now?

I agree with ashamed, your husband is going to be an emotional roller coaster for a while. Just be there for him.

This is a long road that you need to work on for the rest of your life. Just keep up the work and things will work themselves out.

BH (him): 28 ~ FWW (me): 27
Together 9 years
2 kids
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Posts: 167 | Registered: Aug 2012
♂ 40239
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a fWH, the best advice I can give is to be supportive of your H. He will continue to be on this roller coaster for a while. As much as you don't want to be on it, he really doesn't want to be on it. Just be supportive and try to give him what he asks for and needs. Try to reassure him you will never repeat your mistakes and show him he can be safe with you. Above all else, be honest with him because that's the only way he will heal.

Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 123 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
Topic Posts: 4

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.