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What does he really want?

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HisCheekster posted 8/9/2013 09:31 AM

I'm lost.

My husband is so up and down with what he wants. One minute he is saying that he loves me more than anything and if others can get through it, then he certainly can, and the next minute he's asking if I will cope with the children by myself if he moves out. I'm booking us into MC for tomorrow afternoon, but he's not even sure he wants to fix things. He says that he doesn't want to forget about it because that is like giving me the green light to cheat again. Which of course is categorically NOT the case. What should I do? Go ahead with the very expensive MC and hope that he takes it seriously or continue as we are?

The lowdown is that I met my ex in a public place and we dtd for around a minute before I ran away crying and saying that I love my husband. I of course completely cut contact since then. I confessed to it a week ago and since life has of course been hell. I love my husband dearly, and while mental illness doesn't condone my actions, I truly believe it's played a big role. Anyway, my full story is on my profile if anybody is interested in reading it.

I LOVE my husband with my whole heart and I couldn't possibly be more remorseful, but I just don't know what to do???? :'(

ashamedWW posted 8/9/2013 10:50 AM

MC is very beneficial. And right now, your husband is on an emotional rollercoaster. He will be for a while. There are going to be days he can't imagine life with you and days that he won't even won't to be in your presence. The best thing for you to do is be completely open and honest - no matter what. Be humble and remorseful and understand that he is going through more emotions right now than you could ever imagine.

FR2012 posted 9/10/2013 08:35 AM

My husband was so up and down too. Was for a long time. Time has gone on and sometimes he is still indecisive on what he wants but for the most part he knows now what he wants.

Recovery is a very long journey and it will never end. You need to continue to improve yourself and continue to help your husband. Maybe marriage counselling will help him decide what he wants. Maybe it will help him see how things will be and decide if this is truly what he wants.

How did MC go?
Did anything come from it?
How is your husband doing now?

I agree with ashamed, your husband is going to be an emotional roller coaster for a while. Just be there for him.

This is a long road that you need to work on for the rest of your life. Just keep up the work and things will work themselves out.

1DumbHusband posted 9/10/2013 23:41 PM

As a fWH, the best advice I can give is to be supportive of your H. He will continue to be on this roller coaster for a while. As much as you don't want to be on it, he really doesn't want to be on it. Just be supportive and try to give him what he asks for and needs. Try to reassure him you will never repeat your mistakes and show him he can be safe with you. Above all else, be honest with him because that's the only way he will heal.

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