Today, 15 years later, my marriage is officially over and my divorce was finalized via the judge! Full circle... a true "anti-versary" for me. A-ma-zing!!
I am very pleased with my settlement. We went through a mediator yesterday - due to state laws requiring this, not because I really thought it would settle! - and it was truly an easy process for me!!
I was awarded virtually everything I asked for that was really important to me. The mediator was fantastic. I am so happy this is over and I can move on to a New Beginning now!
Some of my settlement is:
-sole managing conservator of the children, thanks to the finding of family violence last month(which resulted in the Protective Order being granted for two years). This means I have exclusive rights regarding the children, and don't share those with him! (basically, I make all decisions regarding the kids residential/medical/educational/psychological well being, and he gets visitation and the privilege of paying child support to me)
-a larger portion of the equity in our marital home, which is currently in escrow!
-he may only communicate with me via written forms, like email or text. No harassing phone calls thankyouverymuch!
-he is supposed to allow Skype/Facetime chats with my son when he is with him (which he has refused to allow up til now even though I don't deny my son the ability when in our home). Time will tell if he actually follows that one or if I need to have it enforced..
-he is prohibited from entering my school when picking up my son on his days of possession - he must remain IN his car and wait for my son. :)
-he agreed to pay a lump sum of spousal support! I was told I could have gotten more had we gone to trial (again, thanks to the finding of family violence), but this was a fabulous compromise, and also eliminates me having to wait for him to send me a check each month, which may or may not come on time or at all.
-he is ordered to keep a life insurance policy with me as beneficiary of the amount he would owe in CS if he had to pay it all to me. I am so relieved for my kids with this one, to be honest... this will ensure that they can be taken care of properly if he passes away unexpectedly.
Basically, all of the things on my "wish list" were agreed upon, with the exception of one thing. I had proposed that he pay a larger percentage of out of pocket medical expenses because he makes twice as much as I do.. but I truly didn't expect him to agree and used it more as a bargaining chip. The mediator didn't even present any of his "wish list" items to me... even after telling me he was presented with them, he must have squashed them all or something.
Anyway, there is the update on my mediation/divorce! I am so happy this is done. I have been "moved on" in my head for a long time now, and am excited that I am free of his mind-fuckery and douche-baggery on our antiversary!
[This message edited by PurpleRose at 11:30 AM, August 9th (Friday)]
It's OKAY to be scared.
Being scared means you're about
to do something really, really brave.
Just one thing....My ex had to get an insurance policy like that too. Unfortunately due to the "privacy act" in Canada, the insurance company won't tell me if he is keeping up the payments. So make sure your ex thinks he has to provide receipts.
Also NEVER answer the phone if he calls. If he gets you once that way, he will keep doing it instead of the ordered way of contact.
Again - congrats!!!
Time will tell.
Rebreather - yes, I've come a long way baby! I am constantly amazed at how happy I've become without his negative influence in my life! I have 3 loving children, a dream-job, a beautiful new house, fantastic friends who keep me (too) busy and a wonderful eh.. confidant who makes me feel special and really understands exactly where I am at. Given where I am now, what more could I ask for?
I'm so glad you can indulge on our behalf. ROFL! I plan on enjoying myself too - my friends are fantastically excited to celebrate my freedom! Whoop whoop!