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Newest Member: meepsy (46028)

User Topic: It's my antiversary today!!
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was married 15 years ago today to a man who was the love of my life. We spent 22 years together, shared 3 children, 4 homes, pets, friends, family, and love. He has morphed into somebody that I used to know, someone who is unrecognizable to me anymore, and become a very angry, unhappy and sad person.... much like many of his family members. A bunch of cheaters, the lot of them.

Today, 15 years later, my marriage is officially over and my divorce was finalized via the judge! Full circle... a true "anti-versary" for me. A-ma-zing!!

I am very pleased with my settlement. We went through a mediator yesterday - due to state laws requiring this, not because I really thought it would settle! - and it was truly an easy process for me!!

I was awarded virtually everything I asked for that was really important to me. The mediator was fantastic. I am so happy this is over and I can move on to a New Beginning now!

Some of my settlement is:
-sole managing conservator of the children, thanks to the finding of family violence last month(which resulted in the Protective Order being granted for two years). This means I have exclusive rights regarding the children, and don't share those with him! (basically, I make all decisions regarding the kids residential/medical/educational/psychological well being, and he gets visitation and the privilege of paying child support to me)
-a larger portion of the equity in our marital home, which is currently in escrow!
-he may only communicate with me via written forms, like email or text. No harassing phone calls thankyouverymuch!
-he is supposed to allow Skype/Facetime chats with my son when he is with him (which he has refused to allow up til now even though I don't deny my son the ability when in our home). Time will tell if he actually follows that one or if I need to have it enforced..
-he is prohibited from entering my school when picking up my son on his days of possession - he must remain IN his car and wait for my son. :)
-he agreed to pay a lump sum of spousal support! I was told I could have gotten more had we gone to trial (again, thanks to the finding of family violence), but this was a fabulous compromise, and also eliminates me having to wait for him to send me a check each month, which may or may not come on time or at all.
-he is ordered to keep a life insurance policy with me as beneficiary of the amount he would owe in CS if he had to pay it all to me. I am so relieved for my kids with this one, to be honest... this will ensure that they can be taken care of properly if he passes away unexpectedly.

Basically, all of the things on my "wish list" were agreed upon, with the exception of one thing. I had proposed that he pay a larger percentage of out of pocket medical expenses because he makes twice as much as I do.. but I truly didn't expect him to agree and used it more as a bargaining chip. The mediator didn't even present any of his "wish list" items to me... even after telling me he was presented with them, he must have squashed them all or something.

Anyway, there is the update on my mediation/divorce! I am so happy this is done. I have been "moved on" in my head for a long time now, and am excited that I am free of his mind-fuckery and douche-baggery on our antiversary!

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 11:30 AM, August 9th (Friday)]


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats and hugs, PR. What a relief!


(((PurpleRose)))


"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron

Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16


Posts: 18684 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
gma56
♀ 19595
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WhooHoo! It's such a relief to have an agreement !


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20387 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
Pippy
♀ 16482
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh that is such good news! I'm so happy for you after all he has put you through.

Just one thing....My ex had to get an insurance policy like that too. Unfortunately due to the "privacy act" in Canada, the insurance company won't tell me if he is keeping up the payments. So make sure your ex thinks he has to provide receipts.

Also NEVER answer the phone if he calls. If he gets you once that way, he will keep doing it instead of the ordered way of contact.

Again - congrats!!!


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PR, great for you! I don't normally post in here, but I was just thinking that last summer we were trying to work you through an unworkable reconciliation and now look at you. You've come so far and sound so great. Yay!


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6693 | Registered: Jan 2011
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pippy, I'm going to start my new beginning really believing that he wants to do right by his kids.. the ins policy is for their benefit should something happen to him, so I'm hopeful that he will keep up that policy not only because he was ordered to, but because it's what he should do.

Time will tell.

Rebreather - yes, I've come a long way baby! I am constantly amazed at how happy I've become without his negative influence in my life! I have 3 loving children, a dream-job, a beautiful new house, fantastic friends who keep me (too) busy and a wonderful eh.. confidant who makes me feel special and really understands exactly where I am at. Given where I am now, what more could I ask for?


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Coraline
♀ 36434
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations! We're just having an exciting week around here, aren't we? I mean, for a while there, I don't think either one of us thought we'd avoid trial, and we both settled on the same day!


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my gosh!! OK, you and Coraline are TIED for the BEST EVER POSTS!! I am so happy for you!! This is great!! Keep on moving forward with your beautiful life!!


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2334 | Registered: Oct 2012
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PR, this is just amazing! I can feel the relief and strength in your post. Here is to your new beginning. I am drinking a beer for you AND one for Coraline tonight to celebrate!!


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4819 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, Coraline, I was beginning to doubt there would be an end to this madness! So happy we have arrived at this finish line and can jump on into the future!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you tesla!!

I'm so glad you can indulge on our behalf. ROFL! I plan on enjoying myself too - my friends are fantastically excited to celebrate my freedom! Whoop whoop!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Elaine2012
♀ 36099
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Posts like this give me so much hope. I'm post dday 1 yr and 1 month and I don't see an ending to this madness. Thank you for taking the time to share your good news!


Me- 54
WH-who cares
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 289 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: I'm surrounded by majestic mountain ranges
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there Elaine. I know at times this mountain seems insurmountable, but you really will get through this.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Topic Posts: 13

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