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F'ing Pissed! - Sister

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simplydevastated posted 8/9/2013 14:10 PM

I could seriously kick the shit out her.

She called me the other fir another "serious" talk about mom. Apparently, according to my sister's wealth of medical knowledge she has acquired grooming dogs & cats as well as her vast customer base who also have superior medical knowledge have all diagnosed my mom with some form of dementia.

My sister told me she is forgetful, doesn't't do things right around her store, can't remember simple instructions (my sister's inductions are longer than War & Peace) etc... My sister is also telling me that she's not taking care of herself (For those of you who remember my mom has a bad knee and didn't get around very well.)

So, this morning she calls in a panic and starts telling my husband about all of this. On top of the fact that now one of my mom's friends called my sister saying that my mom is slurring her words. My sister called the doctor who ordered a CAT scan. I called mom to find out what is going on and she had no idea (not in that forgetful sort of way).

While in on the phone with my mom, my assisted is texting & calling my husband (yelling at him), calling the doctor & nurses, calling my cell making a huge fucking deal about it.

We finally get to my mother's and she's still texting my husband. Now I'm pissed. I tell him to tell get to stop calling and texting because we can't help mom of were on the phone with her. My sister has taken it upon herself to attempt to order blood work & a urine sample (because of her vast medical background and had a firm grasp of the medical system )

Needless to say at this point in about to beat her with my mom's cane.

We finally get to the ER, I get her registered, we're sitting in the room, we go through her history then off to the CAT scan. We wait an hour for the results.

GUESS WHAT?! SHE'S FINE! There's nothing on the scan! The write up even said the grey to white matter is well preserved.

My sister needs to STFU!!

On the way back to dropping off my mom we stop by my sister's store (she's working today) and he gave her an update. SHE'S NOT SATISFIED!! HER CUSTOMER EVEN HAD HER OWN COMMENTS!!

I'm so glad everyone is a fucking doctor!

When I left my mom I told her to take my sister of all get medical records as a contact and to put me on. I'm so angry for my mother right now. This was a total waste of her time.

Rrrrrrrrrrr

jrc1963 posted 8/9/2013 15:03 PM

(((SD))) Sorry

Newlease posted 8/9/2013 15:50 PM

Not to mention money spent on unnecessary tests! How much time do you get to spend with your Mom? Have you noticed any changes in her behavior? Is there any way you can spend a couple of days with her and observe?

I know your sister is a nutcase, but if she spends more time around your Mom, she may notice things you don't.

Sending strength and peace.

NL

DeadMumWalking posted 8/9/2013 16:37 PM

Yeah, she's all bent out of shape because your mom is not at her beck and call

((((sd))))

solus sto posted 8/9/2013 16:44 PM

I'd far rather have a sister really attuned to subtle changes than the alternative.

simplydevastated posted 8/9/2013 20:21 PM

NL, Exactly! I talk to her for about an hour every morning with the exception of this week because I've had a lot of activities with the kids.

There hasn't been one issue with all our conversations. The days that I go over to help her clean or if I have to do something off I always stay and chat with her.

I can't spend a lot of time with her because she's always down at my sister's store. I do understand that if there's something wrong my sister would see it first but this is to much now. When her knee issues first started happening my sister was already talking about putting her in a nursing home and complaining about driving her places and that I was going to have to take care of her because she's "too busy with the store."

DMW, I think that's spot on.

Solus, I agree; however, she called everyone but the Pope about this and got everyone freaking out. To me I think it would have been best to make a doctor's appointment for Monday and let her doctor evaluate her then go from there.

My mom is not happy with her either.

fireproof posted 8/10/2013 01:14 AM

I have a family member like that

There are actual people doctors, psychologists, etc that diagnose dementia. If she persists instead of creating drama a single visit and assessment might be the solution.

I know in my case I see it and it frustrates or makes me anxious because I see my Mom as this strong person. Depending on what is going on in your sisters life she is super aware and it bothers her. Doesn't make her reaction justified especially the stress level she is causing your Mom and you.

Good luck!

osxgirl posted 8/10/2013 07:26 AM

Ok - at the risk of you thinking I'm trying to be a doctor when I'm not (and I'm definitely not... but I don't think you'll get upset with me at this either...)

Did the doctors check her for a urinary tract infection?

I ask this because of experience with both of my Grandmothers. They both, at some point, had problems that were thought to be dementia (or in the case of my one grandma, that her dementia had gotten exponentially worse). Eventually, someone decided to check for UTI, and that was the problem.

Evidently, UTIs can cause a lot of the same symptoms as dementia, especially in older patients. And from what I've seen, docs who work with older patients know this is a pretty common problem. And yet, we had the experience that they didn't check for it.

And the other thing we found out is that older people often don't have the normal symptoms of a UTI, so they may not have any clue they have one. But they could still end up with the symptoms that are similar to dementia.

It's worth making sure she was checked - especially since it can cause a lot worse problems if she does have one and it isn't treated.

simplydevastated posted 8/10/2013 08:52 AM

There are actual people doctors, psychologists, etc that diagnose dementia. If she persists instead of creating drama a single visit and assessment might be the solution.

This is going to be next. I'm going to talk to my mother and work with her doctor.

osxgirl, I appreciate your post and that's also next on the list, but her doctor has to order it, not my sister. so I'll be making appointments.

I still don't think there's anything wrong and I've already told my mother that if there "might" be a problem then of course it's better to be safe than sorry. She understood what I was saying and was more relaxed with what I was saying over my sister's reactions.

Thank you so much everyone for your posts and thoughts and advice. It is all appreciated

woundedwidow posted 8/10/2013 09:18 AM

SD, in order to head off future incidents like this, you might want to have your Mom give you Medical Power of Attorney (POA). This will give you the right to deal with any medical issues that your mother might need, especially if she is not able to handle them on her own. When my Mom was going in for kneee surgery in 2007, she gave me MPOA. Shortly afterward, she developed signs of dementia and I had to move her to assisted living, with her (eventual) acceptance. I also had financial POA, so I handled all her bills for her until her death this January, even though my sister was the eldest. Fortunately my sister appreciated this and was always supportive. Believe me, it is much better to get the MPOA done NOW, while your Mom is still competent to execute it.

still2suspicious posted 8/10/2013 11:03 AM

SD

My MIL also had numerous UTIs. She never felt them, so had no idea. It would make her dementia symptoms worse. Once she was on meds her mind would get so much clearer. Can't imagine not feeling it, but apparently you lose sensitivity as you get older.

lynnm1947 posted 8/10/2013 15:57 PM

I ask this because of experience with both of my Grandmothers. They both, at some point, had problems that were thought to be dementia (or in the case of my one grandma, that her dementia had gotten exponentially worse). Eventually, someone decided to check for UTI, and that was the problem

Happens. A lot. Good place to start.

simplydevastated posted 8/10/2013 20:07 PM

I spoke to my mom earlier. She spoke to her doctor yesterday and she's ordering an MRI and testing for a UTI. She also wants to check for a mouth infection. She has an appointment on the 19th. Unfortunately, it's at the same time as my kids physicals. She told me not to worry about it. She said it's fine and that she'll go alone. I told her to give me an update.

Sad in AZ posted 8/10/2013 20:47 PM

Medical power of attorney will be absolutely necessary in the future, right now you can simply have her sign forms with each of her doctors that allows them to divulge her medical information to you. I have this with my mom even though she named my brother as her power of attorney.

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