I have been reading some of the posts and I'm unsure if it is ok to post, when I don't really know anything yet. Here's my story: I got a new computer, dh set it up and his email account came up when I tried to use it. I didn’t notice right away, and clicked on the drafts folder to finish an email I was sending and I saw an unfinished email responding to woman seeking a man ad on craigslist. It was several years old, form when we first were married. I asked my dh about it.
He claimed to not remember it, but mentioned that he remembered at the time being lonely, upset and said we probably had a fight and he probably went on there looking for someone to talk to. (I later looked through my old letters and such an found this not to be true, I actually remember this night in particular because I had a big project due and had just told him a couple weeks ago that I was expecting our son, it was a good night, we cuddled on the couch while I finished my work)
He says he never sent it, never slept with anyone else or talked with anyone else since we got married.
I confronted him pretty much immediately upon seeing it, so I didn't check through the rest of the email account and after our first talk I went to take a shower and he erased all the files in all the folders of the account before I got out. So of course I feel like there was more I didn't see.
He was apologetic about the craigslist thing, but definitely minimizing it in his talk, and pretty dismissive about erasing the email. He told me I could monitor it if I wanted from now on, but I know he has multiple accounts, and basically all sorts of ways to carry on if he wants to. Including the fact that he travels extensively for work. I am beyond upset. My first marriage ended with abuse and affairs and I was attracted to my current husband largely because I thought he would never be that guy...when I looked again it was for a dependable, reliable stand up guy. I wanted safe. He asked me to marry him and I waited 3 years further just to feel like I really knew him. I feel shattered, like my first marriage is happening all over again, but I don't really know what is going on/what has gone on. I know he thinks I'm overreacting, I don't really know if I am or not, but it feels like a complete violation, and I feel like I've lost all respect for him, and if this could happen our honeymoon phase, it could happen at any time.
I went on some dating sites, when I couldn't sleep last night to see if he had a profile on any.... and I actually saw my married neighbor with a picture and everything.... Does everyone do this? Is any relationship ever safe?