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Undone1 posted 8/9/2013 14:40 PM

In terms of my letting go and forgiveness, I am trying to figure out what I am afraid of....

that he will do it again?
that I won't know if he does?
that I will have wished I would have left?

What are others afaid of that gets in your way of reconcilliation?

AML04 posted 8/9/2013 14:44 PM

That he will stay and think about her anyway.

Reality posted 8/9/2013 14:54 PM

The illusion of progress.

That any change on his part is temporary or imagined and that I'm caught in complete delusion.

That all this effort and pain is for nothing.

5674emt posted 8/9/2013 14:55 PM

That my unhappiness will make WH look elsewhere for companionship.

That I will lose the desire to continue fighting for my M.

Lonelygirl10 posted 8/9/2013 14:58 PM

That he's still lying to me, and I'm the naive girl who believes him.

That he doesn't really love me the way I deserve

3kids30years posted 8/9/2013 14:58 PM

All of the above -

Unfortunately.

Audrina posted 8/9/2013 15:29 PM

You know what?
I was thinking what to answer but I just realized that...
I don't think I am afraid anymore.

Because I am a survivor and that if he EVER strayed again, I would hand him his shoes.
Just knowing that, empowers me.

Stillhurt123 posted 8/9/2013 15:47 PM

I'm with Audrina...I'm not afraid at all anymore.

Things happen, crazy things happen...but these last couple of years have been so tough...just so tough on me, my kids etc.

This is MY life, MINE...and only I can choose how to spend it.

I'm able to see past this...he does it again, yep it will hurt like an SOB, but hey in reality, it's his loss and it will hurt him more...I have my plan...step by step of how I will leave. It will be quick, like a bandaid and I will survive.

I will not forgive my FWH...nope, I can't. I can accept it, move forward, move beyond. I won't forgive him, I won't forget it. It's in my past, part of our history, it has made us who we are today for better or worse...

Now, keep in mind, my eyes are wide open...I am no fool, we are doing great, he has appeared honest, but I won't put anything past him and I probably never will. I still check his phone once in a while, still check his email, FB etc once in a while. It is something that I will do until I die because it makes me feel better. But I'm not 'afraid' of him doing it again.... I will deal with it if it comes up.

rachelc posted 8/9/2013 16:17 PM

I'm afraid of never finding peace again....

Conflicted1 posted 8/9/2013 16:22 PM

Wasting more of my life.

crazyblindsided posted 8/9/2013 16:39 PM

Wasting more of my life.

Ditto and what Audrina and Stillhurt said.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 4:41 PM, August 9th (Friday)]

UndecidedinMA posted 8/9/2013 16:42 PM

that he will open a door to her in guise of the "kids"

that I won't know if he does it again

that I will never stop the spontaneous tears that hit still

that I won't ever have a more than a week I don't think - How could he do this to me? to us?

DancinOnThinIce posted 8/9/2013 19:38 PM

That this is just a lull in the storm. Ultimately that this is the best it will ever be. It's not. I was happiest about 5 years before the shit hit the fan. Of all the things, this was the third time. And honestly it was the last I'll ever accept. I never thought I was unworthy until I want a divorce came out of his mouth. I'll never think I'm worthy of his attention again. He's too often proven I'm not. He truly proved it by letting this one teach him that all the things I told him were important were. He planned her proposal. He never did that with me. I've never felt worthy and I probably won't ever.

sparklezombie posted 8/9/2013 19:46 PM

That he's lying, not remorseful and will never stop. That I'm wasting my life with someone who doesn't respect me.

huRtZ413 posted 8/9/2013 19:48 PM

Im afraid i wont have my shit together if and when he does it again....

I want to get through dental hygiene school and get big pay! if i can finish school before it all goes down hill that would be the idea time being ill be just out on the hunt for a high paying job that me and my girls will be fine and not need child support or any effort on his part .

and also that he does it again ....
i want to be married because i love him and for the kids and because im in the middle of trying to establish myself and i want to see where this all goes

-so him leaving, or doing it again!
-me trying to support two little girls with very little money and no credit history .
- me not loving him anymore

CLRhope4her posted 8/9/2013 19:54 PM

He stays because he should love me

He wishes he could go because he does love her

Someday he'll leave and my daughter will be partially raised by OW

I'll be sad forever

rachelc posted 8/9/2013 19:59 PM

This is a sad thread :/

standinghere posted 8/9/2013 20:16 PM

I don't think I am afraid anymore.

Whoever said this hit it on the head.

I went through hell on earth once, I'm not doing it again, not even partially, no day hikes, no approaches to it, no virtual reality trips, no nothing.

One of my greatest fears was of losing my wife, because I not only love her but I value her companionship greatly.

I had a wife before, who I felt the same way about, who left me over new-found religious convictions that I didn't share, and that was just awful. But it was understandable, after all who can compare themselves to God? It's pretty easy to understand someone leaving you for God.

However, tread to the infidelity aspect again, either emotionally or physically doesn't matter, and I'm done that very day.

That was the worst experience of my life, hands down. I'm not being compared to any other man, or woman, (or God for that matter), again, by anyone that I love, and putting up with it for even a shake of time. Start comparing and I start vanishing.

Walking posted 8/10/2013 05:21 AM

We are not in true reconciliation, we are in not divorcing limbo, at least today.

my fears:
that my WH is settling for me, rather wanting to be with me. That financial issues are what is tying us together.

That ultimately our family will break up because he will never be remorseful and I will never forget.

I'll never feel like me again, I feel hollow.

[This message edited by Walking at 5:23 AM, August 10th (Saturday)]

Flatlined123 posted 8/10/2013 05:32 AM

Stillhurt, you said it best.

I am afraid of looking back and realizing I lived my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. It may never happen, but he has set the stage for me to think that way.

Im afraid of living my life afraid.