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tesla posted 8/9/2013 15:12 PM

And we have a court date for the order to show cause. I checked the court website to see if he's been served...it's not posted yet but his lawyer was granted a motion to withdraw as ex-shat's counsel.

I feel sick to my stomach. Like on D-day. Why? I told Teslet yesterday that dad was coming today. Interestingly, he has not said a word about dad today and he was very excited yesterday to go to dad's. Look, I'm going to be honest here, I don't want to text this idiot and ask him if he is coming to get his child. I'm so tired of dealing with him. This is the weekend I let him switch to because of the last time he 'forgot' he had Teslet and scheduled himself to work OT instead. How hard is it to write a fucking date down? How hard is it to check the google-fucking-calendar?
He is hurting his child and he never has to look at the pain on Teslet's face. He never has to watch Teslet suck it up and carry on. He never has to see the resulting tantrums that get set off by nothing. Teslet is so much better off with me. I wish this fucker would go away and never come back. FTG.

welcome14 posted 8/9/2013 15:16 PM

((tesla))
No advice, just wanted you to know I heard you and understand. Maybe the lawyer withdrew because he was tired of dealing with the asshat behavior as well, so there's a lot of validation there if true. So, all I got is...
FTG!!

Reality posted 8/9/2013 15:21 PM

That may be what's happening, Tes. He may be doing the slow fade out. It's what I saw with my ex. I think after reading stories here, it's pretty standard MO for a marriage that ended because of infidelity.

And yes, your son is lucky to have you. I don't buy into the crap that it takes two people to successfully raise a child, but it does take at least one loving and committed person who has the child's best interests at heart. That's you i.e. Teslet is ahead of the game.

Teslet is going to see, no matter what you do, who STBXH is. We can buffer it for them until they get older, but sooner or later, they connect the dots.

((Tesla)) Give Teslet a hug. Enjoy your time with him. Rinse and repeat.

Williesmom posted 8/9/2013 15:24 PM

FTG. Jagoff.

caregiver9000 posted 8/9/2013 15:33 PM

I don't want to text this idiot and ask him if he is coming to get his child. I'm so tired of dealing with him.

I get this. Believe me, I do! But instead of framing this as you doing him a favor with the reminder, look at it as doing yourself a favor so you can get off the pins and needles and deal with the weekend starting right now.

Also, not that it would, but if this were discussed in court, given the many available forms of communication available, the expectation is that you use them to communicate. Sharing custody with an idiot is no fun. Just make sure, in every instance, that you are not playing HIS game.

(((hugs)))

tesla posted 8/9/2013 15:35 PM

He just texted saying that he would be here later tonight to pick up Teslet. So, I guess the crisis has been averted (or delayed).

This guy is incapable of being consistent. His loss.

tesla posted 8/9/2013 15:38 PM

CG - you are right. It gets so old. But the whole 'coming up in court' thing is kinda why I try to give the guy a clue.

caregiver9000 posted 8/9/2013 15:42 PM

Well sure, because in court, if he forgot it would be because you made him forget. You and google conspired to fail him. He had anxiety induced amnesia from you stressing him out. He would have been there if you told him! and/or sent a driver and a personal assistant to see to all the important stuff he needs to do but can't REMEMBER.

Expecting him to do the right thing or remember stuff is so UNFAIR you know.

I have missed seeing you on the boards.

caregiver9000 posted 8/9/2013 15:45 PM

his lawyer was granted a motion to withdraw as ex-shat's counsel.

IF only it were so easy to withdraw from being the wife.

tesla posted 8/9/2013 15:48 PM

IF only it were so easy to withdraw from being the wife.

DeadMumWalking posted 8/9/2013 16:30 PM

FTG - what a fucking ASSHOLE

Nature_Girl posted 8/9/2013 16:40 PM

IF only it were so easy to withdraw from being the wife.

Crescita posted 8/9/2013 16:43 PM

Ugh. If he makes a habit of it, quit mentioning it to teslet, keep an overnight bag ready to go and let his visits be “suprises.” (((tesla and teslet)))

SBB posted 8/9/2013 17:46 PM

I know it happens but I just can't believe it. How can you 'fade' away from your own child?

He has EOW - you think he'd just be itching... dying to see his child.

I get it friend. I'd be heartbroken for my girls. I'd hate the uncertainty. I'd hate trying to manage their expectations in regard to him.

I don't even know what advice to give but I'd be tempted to lock in a time for ALL handovers with a 15m grace period either side. Big changes (ie: from AM to PM from the set time) require 24h notice by text. Last minute changes (ie: car broke down, running late but pickup within however long it takes to get from his place to yours) required by text within 15m either side of your set time.

If he misses the window he misses his weekend. He can still fade if he wants to but you're not on pins and needles for more than 15m and you can better manage Teslet's expectations.

My girls always ask both of us who is going to pick them up the next day. I think it makes them feel secure. I couldn't stand it if he started pulling this shit.

He is helping your case by being a colossal fuckturd but nobody wants this limbo for their kids. Nobody wants their kids to be let down time after time.

((((Tesla))))

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 5:48 PM, August 9th (Friday)]

caregiver9000 posted 8/9/2013 18:06 PM

If he misses the window he misses his weekend.

This sounds good..... but I found it IMPOSSIBLE to enforce. We were doing pick ups in a public place at the time. This meant that the boys knew we were waiting on dad. He would be late. They would get antsy. If I were to try leaving they would panic, fearing to enrage their father, or they would get upset with me for not being more tolerant and patient.

The above scenarios are why I decided to have pick ups and drop offs at my home. He is late. The boys count on him being late and plan things online with friends. He doesn't call or text. He acts amused if the boys call and ask what his ETA is. At least this way our lives are not disrupted by his complete refusal to abide by a schedule.

This is one of those things that even if you get it spelled out to the minute how do you enforce it? No one is going to arrest him for it. You could take him to court ($) for contempt and then what? Most people get tired and/or broke trying to force an asshat into compliance.

Find some way that his behaviors don't yank your chain or teslet's best you can.

slight t/j I can remember getting this type of advice a couple of years ago, and it was NOT what I wanted to hear. Now here I am giving all practical advice. Ha!

tesla posted 8/9/2013 18:09 PM

SBB, that's the part that I don't think I'll ever get used to...I've said it before...I hate watching Teslet feel insecure. It's one of the things I will never forgive ex-shat for.

Kiddo just got picked up and usually he is so excited to see dad that we don't get a proper good-bye. I just tell him good-bye a little before...no big deal. Today, while ex-shat was waiting at the door, Teslet hugged me twice and told me he loved me twice. Unsolicited. Sigh. Just rips me up.

Luckily, school is about to start and I won't have to worry about his shitty pick-up routine for much longer. He'll pick Teslet up from school. But we are going to get something in place for next summer...because I don't want to feel like this. I tell you what, dealing with that imbecile is like trying to nail jello to the wall.

ETA: dammit, CG, I don't want to hear that!! Ugh! just so tough for me to deal with and not feel stressed about it.

[This message edited by tesla at 6:12 PM, August 9th (Friday)]

caregiver9000 posted 8/9/2013 18:18 PM

I know! Wouldn't it be nice if Oompa Loompas met him at the door with appropriate consequences for his behaviors!

IrishLass518 posted 8/9/2013 18:26 PM

This is the super sucky part of all of this. xWH has been slowly seeing less and less of IrishLad. Went from 1 ON a week to EOW (no big deal 2 nights EOW, same amount of time) Then weekends were starting to be skipped. Didn't take him on 4th of July (no worries, we had a blast) now, he will no longer do week long visits in the summer. It astounds me and one time when I took him up for the weekend THEY set up at the time THEY set up, THEY weren't home. THEY forgot. Then they were all pissed caused I waited at oldest son's house until I knew they were home and IrishLad was with them. Yup, this truly sucks.

IrishLass518 posted 8/9/2013 18:29 PM

t/j.......
CG, that would be a wonderful sight to see, Oompa Loompas giving the WS's a dose of reality.

Oooooh, CG make up that Oompa Loompa song for us

caregiver9000 posted 8/9/2013 20:57 PM

Ok, who can resist?

Oompa Loompa doompadee doo
I've got some cosmic karma for you
Oompa Loompa doompadee dee
If you are a douche you will lose your dignity.
Who do you blame when your life is all shit?
ho wife's a bitch? that's what you get

Who can imagine you'd sink so very low
You're not unique... as we all know
Let's hear an "F. T. G."

Oompa Loompa doompadee dah
Without an assclown your wife will go far
Your kids will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do