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Support for my changes

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RuinedMusketeer posted 8/9/2013 22:13 PM

Originally, I posted on the General board but realized I should be here. So, hi out there from this newbie who needs some support, the occasional swift kick in the rear, and help keeping life on the straight and narrow. My BFF is tired of hearing my drama! She says I am too much work for her. Lol!

Hubs and I have reconciled after going through hell and have a fairly uneventful life at this point. We are almost 18 past D-Day and about a year into reconciliation.

However, we still have really bad days and things spiral out of control and into angry fights that are reminiscent of a time in our life I wish I could erase. It's these days that he often brings up the A or has a spiteful remark that cuts to the core. I also seem to be unable to handle my temper and he knows every button to push to send me over the edge.

I think we both still have many issues to deal with as a result of my A and both of our issues from being the BS's in our first marriages. Oh the irony I see in that sentence. Anyway... thank you for being my new support.

tired girl posted 8/10/2013 08:18 AM

Hi,

Welcome to SI.

So what kind of work have the two of you done together and what have you done on your own to figure out why you had an A?

RuinedMusketeer posted 8/10/2013 19:17 PM

Honestly, that's one of the biggest reasons I'm here. We haven't/didn't do much work together or on my own. We just kind of realized we were better together than apart after being separated for several minths and miserable. However, I still feel like I need to process the whole mess to keep history from repeating it's self in my bad choices.
Our marriage was in bad shape. We spent the first year separated and during that time I was also pregnant with our son. I didn't want anything to do with him and was determined to get a divorce as soon as DS was born. The hospital even posted security outside the labor unit to keep him out. He got in anyway. It worked out. We reconciled and things were better.
Fast forward about 6-8 months, hubs wouldn't work. He was content being SAHD with the new baby. I was teaching and sharing an office with AP. I was our only income and we were barely surviving. Every day that passed I became more angry. He finally got a job working for my dad's company. Life got a little better.
That fall, we bought a house, AP had a new baby, AP and I talked more as we had more in common. Hubs quit his job and parked himself in the recliner. I worked all day and came home to a sink of dirty dishes and a nasty house. I was livid. So, I vented to my office mate, who was eventually AP. he started venting as well. That spring, was the prom incident, hubs started a new job working away, and that was when the downward spiral really started.

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