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scoteye13 posted 8/10/2013 00:19 AM

I tried to do a version of the 180 this week. He came home tonite unexpectedly. I think I would have been ok if he didn't come home but then I blew it! He tried to act like all was normal, trying to joke with me, small talk etc. I told him, this is not Okay. I still want the truth. I told him I was not happy and unable to relate with him until I get the truth from him. He flipped out and pulled a Mel Gibson on me, calling me the "c" and "b" word. Endless ranting and then saying he would divorce me on Monday and I would be happy and could tell everyone that he is having an affair. He said go ahead, I don't care. I cried and begged him not to do this to us and our family. My son has autism and I am so afraid of how this will affect him. I think my marriage is over. I am so overwhelmed with grief. I am trying to use the techniques suggested on SI and am failing miserably. Any suggestions what to do? I have unable to eat or sleep.

Jpapageorge posted 8/10/2013 00:46 AM

Hey Scoteye13,
You are not "failing miserably." You are human. Nobody ever gets everything right the first time. Did you learn to tie your shoe the first time you were shown how? Did you hop on your first biike and qualify for the Tour de France? The first time you made scrambled eggs, did they turn out fluffly and beautiful like you see in advertisements? I doubt that anybody has ever used the techniques sugested on SI and had their world immediately be filled with singing bluebirds and puppy dogs cuddling with them in front of a fireplace. Everybody trips, everybody stumbles, everybody skins their knees. Be the person who stands back up and keeps moving forward.

I am bothered by your H's angry outbursts. Nobody deserves to be called names, especially such hurtful names, just because you want the truth. You deserve better. Your son deserves better. Until your H comes forward with the truth and stops threatening you, he does not deserve you.

Take care of yourself, take care of your son. Eating might be difficult right now but you need nutrition. Eat what you can, when you can even if it is a piece of bread or some candy. Make sure to drink plenty of water. Make sure you remember to breathe. Often in the pain of the immediate aftermath, we can forget to do the small things. Just breathe.

Hang in there

Jp

movingforward777 posted 8/10/2013 01:47 AM

Sorry he is being such an asshole....you did fine...it's a LOT of stress to try and maintain the 180 at all times...we all slipped, fell, and got back up again...
You need to look after yourself for your son's sake...I know it's hard to sit down to a meal but try "instant breakfast" or a smoothie with fruit etc in it...you can sip away at it and get in some calories without feeling like you are going to throw up at any minute....try to stay away from alcohol, sleep when you are tired, see if you can get a friend/family member to take your son for a short time (few hours) so you can nap, have a nice hot bubble bath, or get out with a friend for a coffee and some girl talk/support...
This is a "one day at a time" (sometimes one minute at a time) challenge for you right now...don't beat yourself up because you are human, have feelings and have been thrown into a tailspin by him and his actions....
Come here to SI...the love, support, and great advice has helped many, many, many people and is a safe and healthy way to get through all the crap.....HUGS

Bravenewgirl posted 8/10/2013 06:52 AM

(((((((scoteye13)))) <----those are hugs.

You are not weak, you are a normal loving person who is trying to cope with the bomb that has exploded in her life.

The 180 is a rough go for almost everyone at first. I can't tell you how many times I fell off the 180 wagon. These are the hardest days, but trust me, it will get better.

One day, the 180 will come naturally. Your heart and your mind will say "enough". You deserve better. You don't deserve to be called names by the person who was supposed to be your greatest supporter. He is abusing you, verbally and emotionally.

Don't beg him to stay, as much as you might want too. I was on the floor attached to WS ankles while he tried to drag himself away to see OW--it was humiliating, and most importantly, it didn't work. It just made me pathetic in his eyes, and made him believe that I was always an option in case he wanted to come back. The 180 will help you detach, and give him a dose of reality regarding what his shitty choices have brought.

Can you make it so that he does not come to the house? He is your biggest trigger right now, and the source of all your pain. Stop the bleeding and get him the hell away from you.

If being unable to eat or sleep continues, please see a doctor for help. Take care of you. We are here for you.

jjct posted 8/10/2013 08:01 AM

Jpapa said everything.

Be the person who stands back up and keeps moving forward.

Don't get down on yourself.
Sending strength to you!