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I have falsely accused my WS before

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soconfusednow posted 8/10/2013 00:45 AM

I'm not sure if I am imagining things or being gaslighted.
In the past I was positive I could hear my WS texting when we were in different rooms, then I heard the noise while he was away from home. I discovered it was a house noise that sounded similar. There have been several times I was positive my WS was lying and went to get proof to find out he was where he said he would be.

Now I'm hearing what sounds like muffed voices (a high tone & a low tone) usually after he goes to bed at night(we have separate rooms) but I can't make out any words. I've asked if he has another phone. WS says no & I want to believe him. It's really hard, I think he has another phone and he knows it. He even asks me "did you hear voices last night?" He leaves the bedroom door open so I can walk in there anytime I want.

WS appears to be doing all the right things, no contact letter, trying to put shield in place at work to prevent contact, answers most questions I ask (although he thinks it's unhealthy for me & our relationship), hugs me more than he has in many years, tries to do the things I ask to please me as we try to work out our long term problems that existed before the A .......... but I am very suspicious.

WS has broke no contact a few times. I even found a no contact letter he sent, without my knowledge, asking the OW stop contacting him and use another contact person at work if she needs something work related.

I just wish I knew if it's my suspicious mind making things up or I'm be gaslighted. Then I can make a decision to stay or leave the relationship.

RightTrack posted 8/10/2013 01:02 AM

Hmmm, it sounds like your WS has more of a responsibility to prove to you that he's not cheating that you have to prove you're not falsely accusing him. It looks like he is failing in his responsibility to you.

SurprisinglyOkay posted 8/10/2013 06:26 AM

This reminds me of THE BUZZ.

Around Christmas there was a BUZZ.

My BS heard it first.

Then a second time.

Then we both heard it a third time. All three were a disaster. The house was torn apart.

The second time he tore apart my closet looking for The source of THE BUZZ.
After the third time, the morning my BS had to leave the country for a few days, I posted here, I listened closely to every house noise. (We live in a duplex and you can hear the neighbors sometimes)
Never heard it again.

When I posted here about THE BUZZ, I heard a lot of stories about rouge toys, massagers, inexplicable pieces of paper...
It made me really see how much of an effect infidelity has on our lives. That a noise that normally would have been chalked up to the neighbors, and forgotten, drove us CRAZY for weeks. Weeks.

Lately there has been a beep.....

(But it's definitely coming from the neighbors)

soconfusednow posted 8/10/2013 17:03 PM

broevil, I'd like to read that
thread. Is there an easy way to find it?

SurprisinglyOkay posted 8/10/2013 21:13 PM

I just bumped it. It's in Wayward

brkn_heartd posted 8/10/2013 21:18 PM

Early in our R I also heard a buzz like a cell phone. I know I heard something and we have no close neighbor's. I mentioned it several times and he offered to help search for it. Never found it and it went away. I know I wasn't crazy but not sure what it was.

You might consider a voice activated recorder (VAR) in his room. It is a shame what an A does to us. I don't think I will ever be totally comfortable again.

StillLivin posted 8/10/2013 22:07 PM

I heard something. Turns out he had a secret phone. But, I had spy cameras everywhere. That's how I heard something!
It could be nothing. But it could be something. Amazon has a lot of good stuff. So do other web sites. Check the credit cards for any questionable purchases or cash withdrawals. Check your phone bill for further contact. Really, it has to be him that wants it, we can only control ourselves, but if it is becoming obsessive, well we live in the digital age, might as well take advantage of spy cameras until you have peace of mind he is doing right or proof that you need to engage in NC til he takes you seriously.
Hope this helps.

Married 8, together 9
2 stepchildren

summerain posted 8/10/2013 23:10 PM

broevil, i know it's very sad but...

gosh that made me laugh!

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