WS was also supposed to be godfather for their new baby brother. So they also don't understand why that isn't happening now.
I talked to my IC and he said to be honest with them and tell them WS feelings for me changed and we're never going to see him again. Then he said I should ask them if they have any questions for me and let them ask whatever they want.
I'm terrified that I'm not going it hold it together for this. Anyone out there with any advice on how to break this kind of thing to kids?
These poor little girls have moved 5 times in 4 years and I know moving back home, visiting us and being a "family" again was something they fixated on to deal with the years of disappointment. I feel so bad.
I also hate him that he's left me to tell our family/friends what he did alone, to have to go through the indignity of STD testing, to have to deal daily with an elderly dog that can't recover from his abandonment. Etc.
[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 9:19 AM, August 10th (Saturday)]
But I see what you mean. I do feel put upon a little bit. I don't feel like I really have the bandwidth to add on trying to explain my WS's rejection of me to an 8 year old.
But they are my goddaughters and she is my bestfriend and there is no reason for me to be ashamed or to put up walls. And I want the girls to feel like they can come to me and talk to me about anything they need to.
So I guess I view it as a necessary evil.
That's what my kids know. They do not know what promises are made on a wedding day. They have no concept of fidelity. Since you're going to be talking to elementary aged kids, that's about all that kids that age need to know, especially kids that aren't your own and are NOT directly impacted by this divorce.
I'm still very upset with your friend. She needs to hold herself together and NOT make this a bigger deal for her kids. This is not about her, not about her kids. Frankly, it's none of her kids' business. Dragging you across state lines and forcing you to parent her daughters is just outrageous to me.
[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 4:25 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]
They will take their cues from you, if you feel strong. They will be strong. It is ok to show them you are hurting, just temper that pain with you the hope that you will feel better one day. You will with time.
They may feel abandoned by him, I know my niece and nephew did- especially nephew. Give them extra hugs, they will be ok, just like you will be-with time.
[This message edited by Kajem at 3:33 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]
And, yes, they feel abandoned... And it's heightened because of their moves over the last few years. As I say, they fixated on the idea of coming home and being a family again. We used to go over there on weekends and WS would chase the girls around the yard and push them on the swing. Their house is (probably was) full of photos of the three of them (WS and the girls)... and you could tell that WS was the littlest one's first crush.
Their daddy works a lot and isn't a very fun guy. He's a lot more invested in his son than the girls. WS was the opposite. He'd hold the little boy and play with him... But when we were there, he was all about the girls. He made them feel special and loved.
Hey, kids. I know how you feel.
[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 3:44 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]