SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

sunshine226 posted 8/10/2013 09:35 AM

WH still hasnt replied to my text, and as hard as it is for me not to text him again, I haven't. NC is my friend right now but there is still drama!!!

Stupid me checks out OW's fb and also WH's brother and sil, all who are blocked on my main fb account. Sometimes I get pleasure out of some of the stupid things i see on OW's fb, like her post about not liking her daughter's boyfriend, poor thing, wonder how her daughter feels about hers, LOL

But alas the reason for this post.......

WH's brother and his wife are coming to our province for a visit and I am dreading it, they were home last year and I managed to avoid them and despite my worries, they never met OW

But with the posts i have seen between OW and SIL, I suspect they will meet this time around. It makes me sick but then at the same time, everyone else that has met her doesnt like her. And I really shouldn't care about the meeting. After all, look how they have treated me, the mother of their neice and nephew, the wife of his brother, we were together 22 1/2 years when this bullshit started!!

I really have to look at the positive of this, whether they like her or not should not matter to me, they are and will never ever be a part of my life again, I want nothing to do with them ever again.

But my question is.....am i just being unreasonable? after all it is his family, not mine, and they live in another province, this is just a visit, but it still hurts that I have just been pushed aside. They dont know the truth, the brother that lives close to me and his wife have been great, he has met OW and doesnt like her, his wife has never met her and doesnt want to. So they will always be family

I have to remember that this other brother and his wife have no clue what has been going on, they dont live here, they are two faced and I never really liked them anyway, this brother is the one that was fishing around for information from me when their dad was dying, to see what I knew about who gets what, and low and behold, he got something that their mom has always said my WH was going to have, he got it and I think this has played a role is some of WH's brokenness

Sorry so long, just trying to figure this all out, thanks for reading

hardtimesinlife posted 8/10/2013 12:42 PM

22 years is a long time. Your feelings are valid and understandable. Of course you want them to side with you - the "right" side of things. Sadly, they do not seem like right minded people. You don't trust them or respect them so ask yourself why you care.

Nc is great and 180 is essential. Nc is hard with kids and a long term spouse. Practice 180. It turns your focus from him and them to you and yours. Whenever you feel like peeking at Facebook find something to distract yourself. It's like playing a game with yourself. Every time you don't check, you win. Because even finding negative things about ow or his family still hurts. Still keeps your subconscious mind attached. The goal is detachment, both physical (no texting, meeting etc.) and mental (no snooping, no dwelling, no obsessing). Find things you like to do and do them. Even if it's reading a good book, laying in the sun. Whatever, discover it. Join in a group. Call an old friend and go grab a coffee. Feed the ducks, volunteer, clean a closet. With every action that is not directed at your ws you will gain strength in yourself and gain detachment from him. These are the building blocks of moving on.

Hugs.

[This message edited by hardtimesinlife at 12:44 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]

Dallas2 posted 8/10/2013 13:01 PM

They say blood is thicker than water. I am afraid even if they don't actually like her they will be civil to her.

You didn't say where your BIL and SIL were staying. Is it possible for you not to see them?

Twent two years is a long time. They have become your family also. I assume it is hard to lose them also but I know if omy FWH and I D they would also be part of my past life.

Do anything but check out FB. It is not healthy for you.Do 180 and take of you.((Hugs)

sunshine226 posted 8/10/2013 15:22 PM

WH is not close with his brothers, any of them. BIL and SIL will be staying in "their" house, the one WH should have gotten when their father died and it is the same community I live in, as a matter of fact, they have to drive past my house to get there. I was able to avoid them last year, would I be lucky enough to do it 2 years in a row?!?!?!?!?

BIL and SIL are very two faced. Be a friend to your face and stab you in the back, always thought it but they proved it when they added OW to their FB friend list.

Not gonna let their meeting each other bother me because I know how they talk about my other SIL and put her down so OW will think they like her, who knows maybe they are so much alike they will actually like her!!!!

But I dont care, I am better than all of them, OW,WH, BIL, SIL, they can all go to hell. I hope they meet and get drunk together and BIL spills the beans that everything WH has told OW has been a lie.

I dont like them and although I would never wish this pain of infidelity on anyone, they just might be in for some karma of their own. They think they are better than everyone else, that they are so damn perfect.

Unfortunately, my other BIL and SIL that live close to me will see them and I am sure I will eventually have it confirmed that the other BIL and SIL met the OW. Just hope they dont extend an invite for OW and WH to come in and stay at their "house" I could see them doing that, thats how selfish and inconsiderate they are

If WH has any brain cells left, he would keep OW away from here, and away from BIL and SIL, but I am sure, whatever OW wants OW gets.

Got the police on speed dial and ready with the restraining order!!!!

canteat posted 8/10/2013 19:39 PM

whether they like her or not should not matter to me, they are and will never ever be a part of my life again, I want nothing to do with them ever again

So why are you checking up on them on FB? Why are you involved with what they are doing?

You have the power here. You get to decide how these other people effect you. If you don't care about them or value them in your life-then STOP checking up on them and really cut them out of your life. You are only hurting yourself. They don't know what happened, therefore they can't care. You seem to think they wouldn't care anyway-if that is true then they really are not worth any of your energy!

Tell the family members that you get along with-and want to remain in contact with that you don't want to talk about these people. Since they know what is going on they should respect your wishes. By keeping tabs on these people you are keeping yourself from moving on. They are a link to WH and OW. Find a way to let it go. You have to put yourself first and take care of you! Don't waste your energy on people that don't count!! *hugs*