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triggering and not triggering

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sisoon posted 8/10/2013 09:57 AM

Aug 1 - we're at an event, a woman my W used to attend meetings with comes up and starts talking to my W. My W does not introduce me. Usually, I introduce myself, but we've discussed this, and W is supposed to name me and her friend, but W never introduces me. I get furious and trigger into feeling abandoned - like I felt during the A, which was ramping up big time in the first week of August, 2010. It takes me 2 days to calm down.

At first, we fight. I say I think she should be 'extra sensitive' now, because A season is upon us. 4 days later, in MC, W says she was upset by that, since she says she's always walking on eggshells. I thought a minute, laughed at myself, and apologized.

I tell her that I see she's 100% NC, 100% transparent, 100% honest, 100% committed to IC & MC & and our M. That's the max - there is no 'extra'.

We talk about not walking on eggshells. MC & I get it, not so sure about W.

August 7 - going out to dinner 25 minutes away from home. We eat, have a very nice time, head home. A mile down the road, I realize I've taken the route that goes by the mall where much of the A was centered. I mention it to W. She says she's been triggered into shame, fear, guilt, grief, etc., ever since she realized the road I was taking. 'Oh, well,' I said. 'Better you than me.' When I learned of the mall's connection to the A, I had vowed to avoid the intersection forever. Now I realize I've been using it for months, whenever it's been convenient, with rarely a thought of the A.

August 9 - waking up, deep into fooling around together...the thought comes to me: 'August 9 - oh, yeah, the PA started this date still important?'

W says the date is not important to her - she thinks about her A all day, everyday. That's good enough for me.

I'm not declaring I'm recovered yet - that trigger just a week ago hurt too much. But I'm close....

Thanks for reading. Thanks for all your support (MH, DS, mods, guides, fellow members).

kickboxer posted 8/10/2013 10:23 AM

Thank you for sharing your's reassuring to read of a couple who communicate openly and compassionately with one another.

I hope we make it to the same place one day. Everything feels so raw for me right now.

Undone1 posted 8/10/2013 13:47 PM

Really appreciate the details of your communication, what happens in your brain, what happens between the two of you, etc. It's so hard to know what this new normal is supposed to look like. I know that no one is perfect, but its helpful to know triggers still come and go, dates come and go, and that it is possible to be a survivor.

brokensmile322 posted 8/10/2013 13:54 PM

Thanks for sharing Sisoon.

I really appreciate how introspective you are and how sometimes, your reflection of what happens in your arguments leads to you apologizing.

It reminds me that BS are sometimes wrong too.

I love how you have been driving that intersection for awhile and didn't realize. That's progress for sure!!

cantaccept posted 8/10/2013 13:55 PM


You give hope.

Pleased for you that life is becoming kinder and more peaceful.

LosferWords posted 8/10/2013 16:51 PM

Awesome post, sisoon. You continue to inspire me every day. Thanks for sharing this.

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