Aug 1 - we're at an event, a woman my W used to attend meetings with comes up and starts talking to my W. My W does not introduce me. Usually, I introduce myself, but we've discussed this, and W is supposed to name me and her friend, but W never introduces me. I get furious and trigger into feeling abandoned - like I felt during the A, which was ramping up big time in the first week of August, 2010. It takes me 2 days to calm down.
At first, we fight. I say I think she should be 'extra sensitive' now, because A season is upon us. 4 days later, in MC, W says she was upset by that, since she says she's always walking on eggshells. I thought a minute, laughed at myself, and apologized.
I tell her that I see she's 100% NC, 100% transparent, 100% honest, 100% committed to IC & MC & and our M. That's the max - there is no 'extra'.
We talk about not walking on eggshells. MC & I get it, not so sure about W.
August 7 - going out to dinner 25 minutes away from home. We eat, have a very nice time, head home. A mile down the road, I realize I've taken the route that goes by the mall where much of the A was centered. I mention it to W. She says she's been triggered into shame, fear, guilt, grief, etc., ever since she realized the road I was taking. 'Oh, well,' I said. 'Better you than me.' When I learned of the mall's connection to the A, I had vowed to avoid the intersection forever. Now I realize I've been using it for months, whenever it's been convenient, with rarely a thought of the A.
August 9 - waking up, deep into fooling around together...the thought comes to me: 'August 9 - oh, yeah, the PA started today...hmm...is this date still important?'
W says the date is not important to her - she thinks about her A all day, everyday. That's good enough for me.
I'm not declaring I'm recovered yet - that trigger just a week ago hurt too much. But I'm close....
Thanks for reading. Thanks for all your support (MH, DS, mods, guides, fellow members).