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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: Texted the OW
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know most advice is not to do this, it won't make you feel better and you won't get any truth out if them. Well I felt I had to. I couldn't let her see me as the pathetic wife whose husband she "fulfilled" for 3 years.
Basically my text said was that what they did was selfish and wrong, they could have destroyed not only our marriage but my son's life. I said I trusted him and her as his "friend" and they took advantage of that. I did say that I hoped she realized he never truly loved her and used her to fill a hole in himself. Then I ended it with have a nice life.
This was her response:

"I promise that if you do not stop contacting me, you will see a side of me you never thought could exist. I tend to be quite the c*** when I'm pushed too far. Leave me alone. Never text me again. I'm not asking."

I never planned on responding and still won't. This shows me exactly what type of person she is and I want nothing to do with that.
If I had responded, it would have been "lol". She obviously has no idea what "pushed too far" is. All my revenge fantasies are just that and unless she takes it further, I'm done.
I actually feel better and H and I had some nice HB.

Edited for typo

[This message edited by AML04 at 11:26 AM, August 10th (Saturday)]


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Ostrich80
34827
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a bitch! That just pissed me off.
You never know what to expect when you text the ow. I have to say, the response you got is not one I've heard or seen on SI before.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5276 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right?? It sounds like something a BS might say to an OW, not the other way around.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. Bullying, lying, lashing out... that's about all you can expect from contacting an AP.

We don't need that negativity in our lives. Going through all of this has really opened my eyes to how important it is to only spend my energy and effort on people and projects that are worthwhile.

(((AML04)))


"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron

Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16


Posts: 18688 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
broken81
♀ 36774
Member # 36774
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My response probably would have been "there's something worse than being a whore?"

FWIW I think its good that you got that off your chest. No matter what her response would have been it wouldnt make you happy..only unloading your thoughts can give a moment of release/peace.


Me BS
him fWS
M 8yrs 2 kids
DD 2/12 lies until 4/12
2.5 yr A with an OLD married whore
working on R

Posts: 233 | Registered: Sep 2012
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's definitely why I did it Broken. It was something I needed to do for myself.

I feel better and want to work with my H to repair the damage that was done. I have no room for that kind of poison in my life now.

Thanks all!!


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
cantaccept
♀ 37451
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wrote a letter to ow and posted it on General, my letter to ow, I keep thinking about sending it.

I feel like it would make me feel empowered. I really don't care if she responded at all or what she has to say.

I think I feel a bit humiliated because of her texting me after h left and I was not able at that time to defend myself.

I would love to respond to her now from a place of strength. Just for me, to defend myself, to show that I am not a weak, defenseless woman.

I am stronger now than I have ever been.

Did it make you feel better to send it? Did it ease your mind a bit?


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced!


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Jospehine85
♀ 35971
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Save the text. Maybe even consider showing it to the police for their opinion as to whether it constitutes a threat of violence.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 1052 | Registered: Jun 2012
totalconfusion73
♂ 36996
Member # 36996
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AML04 I know the need for speaking to them. My Dday was a year ago tomorrow. I had always for some reason wanted to speak the my WW's AP. I wanted for many months to make his life hell. Needless to say I never did. But one day I did by chance find something new after some investigation and then I had to say something to him. I showed my WW what I had found and she swore she knew nothing about how he might have got it. Anyways I confronted him about it and of coarse I got the my email was hacked a while back don't know how I got the picture of you WW. Anyways while writing him I did use it as a opportunity to ask questions I always wanted to ask him. Things my WW said that I thought at the time were just her way of playing the affair off as no good. But low and behold everything she said was truthful. He did have ED and many other problems. Even said to ahead make fun of me. To which I didn't just wanted to know. Do I believe all of what he said to me know. He also even started the speech about leaving him alone. I replied that I didn't even know him but that last time I checked he brought himself into my life. I told him you can't the badgering or constant questions, shouldn't have had a affair with my wife. Long story short I had not contacted him in almost 8 months after Dday. He actually asked me to please leave his family alone and to quit stocking him at work and home. I found that funny cause I had never did that ever. Just goes to show how worried he was about me and was always looking over his shoulder after Dday. My not saying anything really made him worry more about what I was up to. His own mind played games on him. He said many of his relatives hated him for what he did after I outed him to every single person in his family On Dday . I hope you find what you are looking for I had always been told not to speak to them but in my case I found out a lot about his mentality. Since the confrontation I ah e decided to 100% into not thinking about him again and let him go back to his life of always looking over his shoulder and worrying about me, while I move on and work with my WW to fix my marriage.


DDay Aug 11 2012
Me 39
Her 35
met 1996
married 1999

Posts: 89 | Registered: Sep 2012
Bobbi_sue
♀ 10347
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent the Whore from my situation a letter almost 7 years ago now. Yes, it made me feel empowered.

I know it is often recommended on this forum that we lie low and I always hear: NC is NC is NC, which means nothing to me and really does not make sense. My H is to have NC with any such whores if he wants to be with me. (Which he does; we are R'ed and have been for a long time).

But I will set my own rules for myself based on the situation.

There comes a point when you don't want to stir the pot, but that doesn't mean you should not have even one chance to tell the whore what a worthless piece of garbage she is. My letter enforced what she had beeen told before in an NC from both my H and I: Do not contact us, or we will consider it harassment and take legal action.

But she did try to contact him after that NC letter, in the form of voicemails left on his abandoned secret tracfone, begging and blubbering for him to see her again. So that is why I was prompted to send copies of the voicemails to her H, and a letter to her telling her what I thought of her, and letting her know she better seriously understand this time, she is not to try to contact either of us. I think she understood as she has not bothered us for almost 7 years now.

When BS are told not to contact them, and if they see them out and about, act as if they don't matter (when of course the OW is not fooled and knows how much the BS is bothered by their presence, it just makes the BS seem meek and cowering while the OW continues to walk all over her. At least that is how I would have felt. I'm so glad I feel like I had the last word and it was very satisfying.


Posts: 5791 | Registered: Apr 2006
Holly-Isis
♀ 13447
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was basically xOw2's attitude when I emailed her just before 2d-day.

So she was still in an A with my H, had HIS car while he was in Iraq and yet felt that she had the right to dictate whether I was in her life or not.

It really gives you insight as to the type of people who are active OPs, right?

Like you, I went NC. Composed response emails and posted them here. I comforted myself with the fact that I had all the emails in her address book, including parents and grandparents and could blow her carefully constructed image apart if I wanted to.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11338 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
carnelian
♀ 24824
Member # 24824
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a piece of work. Picture her like the lyrics to the Mr. Grinch song -

Your soul is an appalling dump-heap,
Overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled-up in tangled-up knots!


What are you going to do when he leaves you?

Posts: 564 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Europe
sinsof thefather
♀ 29295
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious - what was your husband's reaction to her showing her true colours?


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
bionicgal
♀ 39803
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent the OW a letter, but she was a friend of mine, so I had to let her know how I felt about her selfish and self destructive behavior. I also asked for an apology, which I got - but it was weak and self-focused. No big surprise there!

But, I felt better for sending it, and even though her apology was immature, it helped me put her in her proper place in my mind. (Not as the big, bad she-wolf, but as an insecure, needy, weak person with very little creativity. What is better, is my fWH saw this as well.)


me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 2247 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would love to post to everybody individually but I'm on my phone and that would take forever.

Thank you so much for sharing all your stories it definitely helped me feel that I made the right decision for me. I do think it gave me something; I'm not sure quite what yet. But at least it let me get a real picture of who she really is. And although I love thinking of her as the Grinch, I call her Ted; after the raunchy, f'd up bear in the movie that came between Mark Wahlburg and Mila Kunis

As much as I don't want to save her nasty text on my phone I definitely will. Just in case something happens. I don't know any cops to ask but that sure seems like a threat to me. Especially because the only other time I contacted her it was to ask her to take my family photos down from her web page.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sinsof-I asked H if he was ok with me sending it because he has to work with her still. Fortunately he saw her true colors before this when he told her I knew and they couldn't have any contact. She said she did nothing wrong. I think right then he knew what kind of person she really is. This was the icing on the cake though because he's really pissed off she threatened me. He says if she does anything he'll go to HR even if it means he gets fired too.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
sullymeishadomi
♀ 16305
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Intersting she referred to herself as a c**t. At least she knows who she is

After almost 6 yrs I had my say with ho and male ho. It helped me a lot. Gave me a voice.

The reason its not a good idea to contact them is their victim mentality

A couple/few yrs ago a bs here wrote a letter that was in no way threatening and the ho actually pressed charges against the poor bs and won in court


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not ....will be divorcing the selfish creep.

Posts: 8471 | Registered: Sep 2007
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sully-I found that interesting as well. And to be honest I've pretty much seen every side of her and let's just say its not pretty.

One of the reasons I kept my text to her so basic was I didn't want it coming back to me. I didn't say anything about what I thought of her as a person; only what I thought of what her and H did. And that's why I won't respond.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Chicky
♀ 18622
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in no way advising that any one of you do this. However, I had that burning desire to contact the whore in my situation, so I know how you feel. I found out by googling that texts can be sent anonymously over the computer. I text bombed that bitch like it was world war 3. Got everything off my chest and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it because she's basically as dumb as a box of rocks.


There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.

Posts: 576 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chicky-I was totally going to do that!! I have 100's of pics of her that I recovered from my H's iPhone backup and I was just going to start texting them to anonymously! Either that or to her current bf. I couldn't do it though, I need to be the better woman right now. Of course if she does anything to me or my family, all bets are off.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Topic Posts: 33
Pages: 1 · 2

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