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Texted the OW

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AML04 posted 8/10/2013 11:07 AM

I know most advice is not to do this, it won't make you feel better and you won't get any truth out if them. Well I felt I had to. I couldn't let her see me as the pathetic wife whose husband she "fulfilled" for 3 years.
Basically my text said was that what they did was selfish and wrong, they could have destroyed not only our marriage but my son's life. I said I trusted him and her as his "friend" and they took advantage of that. I did say that I hoped she realized he never truly loved her and used her to fill a hole in himself. Then I ended it with have a nice life.
This was her response:

"I promise that if you do not stop contacting me, you will see a side of me you never thought could exist. I tend to be quite the c*** when I'm pushed too far. Leave me alone. Never text me again. I'm not asking."

I never planned on responding and still won't. This shows me exactly what type of person she is and I want nothing to do with that.
If I had responded, it would have been "lol". She obviously has no idea what "pushed too far" is. All my revenge fantasies are just that and unless she takes it further, I'm done.
I actually feel better and H and I had some nice HB.

Edited for typo

[This message edited by AML04 at 11:26 AM, August 10th (Saturday)]

Ostrich80 posted 8/10/2013 11:41 AM

What a bitch! That just pissed me off.
You never know what to expect when you text the ow. I have to say, the response you got is not one I've heard or seen on SI before.

AML04 posted 8/10/2013 11:51 AM

Right?? It sounds like something a BS might say to an OW, not the other way around.

Jrazz posted 8/10/2013 11:55 AM

Yep. Bullying, lying, lashing out... that's about all you can expect from contacting an AP.

We don't need that negativity in our lives. Going through all of this has really opened my eyes to how important it is to only spend my energy and effort on people and projects that are worthwhile.


broken81 posted 8/10/2013 11:56 AM

My response probably would have been "there's something worse than being a whore?"

FWIW I think its good that you got that off your chest. No matter what her response would have been it wouldnt make you happy..only unloading your thoughts can give a moment of release/peace.

AML04 posted 8/10/2013 12:01 PM

That's definitely why I did it Broken. It was something I needed to do for myself.

I feel better and want to work with my H to repair the damage that was done. I have no room for that kind of poison in my life now.

Thanks all!!

cantaccept posted 8/10/2013 13:45 PM

I wrote a letter to ow and posted it on General, my letter to ow, I keep thinking about sending it.

I feel like it would make me feel empowered. I really don't care if she responded at all or what she has to say.

I think I feel a bit humiliated because of her texting me after h left and I was not able at that time to defend myself.

I would love to respond to her now from a place of strength. Just for me, to defend myself, to show that I am not a weak, defenseless woman.

I am stronger now than I have ever been.

Did it make you feel better to send it? Did it ease your mind a bit?

Jospehine85 posted 8/10/2013 14:07 PM

Save the text. Maybe even consider showing it to the police for their opinion as to whether it constitutes a threat of violence.

totalconfusion73 posted 8/10/2013 14:35 PM

AML04 I know the need for speaking to them. My Dday was a year ago tomorrow. I had always for some reason wanted to speak the my WW's AP. I wanted for many months to make his life hell. Needless to say I never did. But one day I did by chance find something new after some investigation and then I had to say something to him. I showed my WW what I had found and she swore she knew nothing about how he might have got it. Anyways I confronted him about it and of coarse I got the my email was hacked a while back don't know how I got the picture of you WW. Anyways while writing him I did use it as a opportunity to ask questions I always wanted to ask him. Things my WW said that I thought at the time were just her way of playing the affair off as no good. But low and behold everything she said was truthful. He did have ED and many other problems. Even said to ahead make fun of me. To which I didn't just wanted to know. Do I believe all of what he said to me know. He also even started the speech about leaving him alone. I replied that I didn't even know him but that last time I checked he brought himself into my life. I told him you can't the badgering or constant questions, shouldn't have had a affair with my wife. Long story short I had not contacted him in almost 8 months after Dday. He actually asked me to please leave his family alone and to quit stocking him at work and home. I found that funny cause I had never did that ever. Just goes to show how worried he was about me and was always looking over his shoulder after Dday. My not saying anything really made him worry more about what I was up to. His own mind played games on him. He said many of his relatives hated him for what he did after I outed him to every single person in his family On Dday . I hope you find what you are looking for I had always been told not to speak to them but in my case I found out a lot about his mentality. Since the confrontation I ah e decided to 100% into not thinking about him again and let him go back to his life of always looking over his shoulder and worrying about me, while I move on and work with my WW to fix my marriage.

Bobbi_sue posted 8/10/2013 15:13 PM

I sent the Whore from my situation a letter almost 7 years ago now. Yes, it made me feel empowered.

I know it is often recommended on this forum that we lie low and I always hear: NC is NC is NC, which means nothing to me and really does not make sense. My H is to have NC with any such whores if he wants to be with me. (Which he does; we are R'ed and have been for a long time).

But I will set my own rules for myself based on the situation.

There comes a point when you don't want to stir the pot, but that doesn't mean you should not have even one chance to tell the whore what a worthless piece of garbage she is. My letter enforced what she had beeen told before in an NC from both my H and I: Do not contact us, or we will consider it harassment and take legal action.

But she did try to contact him after that NC letter, in the form of voicemails left on his abandoned secret tracfone, begging and blubbering for him to see her again. So that is why I was prompted to send copies of the voicemails to her H, and a letter to her telling her what I thought of her, and letting her know she better seriously understand this time, she is not to try to contact either of us. I think she understood as she has not bothered us for almost 7 years now.

When BS are told not to contact them, and if they see them out and about, act as if they don't matter (when of course the OW is not fooled and knows how much the BS is bothered by their presence, it just makes the BS seem meek and cowering while the OW continues to walk all over her. At least that is how I would have felt. I'm so glad I feel like I had the last word and it was very satisfying.

Holly-Isis posted 8/10/2013 15:15 PM

That was basically xOw2's attitude when I emailed her just before 2d-day.

So she was still in an A with my H, had HIS car while he was in Iraq and yet felt that she had the right to dictate whether I was in her life or not.

It really gives you insight as to the type of people who are active OPs, right?

Like you, I went NC. Composed response emails and posted them here. I comforted myself with the fact that I had all the emails in her address book, including parents and grandparents and could blow her carefully constructed image apart if I wanted to.

carnelian posted 8/10/2013 16:12 PM

What a piece of work. Picture her like the lyrics to the Mr. Grinch song -

Your soul is an appalling dump-heap,
Overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled-up in tangled-up knots!

sinsof thefather posted 8/10/2013 16:25 PM

Just curious - what was your husband's reaction to her showing her true colours?

bionicgal posted 8/10/2013 16:28 PM

I sent the OW a letter, but she was a friend of mine, so I had to let her know how I felt about her selfish and self destructive behavior. I also asked for an apology, which I got - but it was weak and self-focused. No big surprise there!

But, I felt better for sending it, and even though her apology was immature, it helped me put her in her proper place in my mind. (Not as the big, bad she-wolf, but as an insecure, needy, weak person with very little creativity. What is better, is my fWH saw this as well.)

AML04 posted 8/10/2013 16:28 PM

I would love to post to everybody individually but I'm on my phone and that would take forever.

Thank you so much for sharing all your stories it definitely helped me feel that I made the right decision for me. I do think it gave me something; I'm not sure quite what yet. But at least it let me get a real picture of who she really is. And although I love thinking of her as the Grinch, I call her Ted; after the raunchy, f'd up bear in the movie that came between Mark Wahlburg and Mila Kunis

As much as I don't want to save her nasty text on my phone I definitely will. Just in case something happens. I don't know any cops to ask but that sure seems like a threat to me. Especially because the only other time I contacted her it was to ask her to take my family photos down from her web page.

AML04 posted 8/10/2013 16:34 PM

Sinsof-I asked H if he was ok with me sending it because he has to work with her still. Fortunately he saw her true colors before this when he told her I knew and they couldn't have any contact. She said she did nothing wrong. I think right then he knew what kind of person she really is. This was the icing on the cake though because he's really pissed off she threatened me. He says if she does anything he'll go to HR even if it means he gets fired too.

sullymeishadomi posted 8/10/2013 17:19 PM

Intersting she referred to herself as a c**t. At least she knows who she is

After almost 6 yrs I had my say with ho and male ho. It helped me a lot. Gave me a voice.

The reason its not a good idea to contact them is their victim mentality

A couple/few yrs ago a bs here wrote a letter that was in no way threatening and the ho actually pressed charges against the poor bs and won in court

AML04 posted 8/10/2013 17:37 PM

sully-I found that interesting as well. And to be honest I've pretty much seen every side of her and let's just say its not pretty.

One of the reasons I kept my text to her so basic was I didn't want it coming back to me. I didn't say anything about what I thought of her as a person; only what I thought of what her and H did. And that's why I won't respond.

Chicky posted 8/10/2013 17:49 PM

I am in no way advising that any one of you do this. However, I had that burning desire to contact the whore in my situation, so I know how you feel. I found out by googling that texts can be sent anonymously over the computer. I text bombed that bitch like it was world war 3. Got everything off my chest and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it because she's basically as dumb as a box of rocks.

AML04 posted 8/10/2013 18:19 PM

Chicky-I was totally going to do that!! I have 100's of pics of her that I recovered from my H's iPhone backup and I was just going to start texting them to anonymously! Either that or to her current bf. I couldn't do it though, I need to be the better woman right now. Of course if she does anything to me or my family, all bets are off.

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