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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: The Beginning
inshockandhurt
♀ 38789
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tomorrow or the two days after that mark what I have determined, based on my husband's rather faulty memory to be the beginning of his affair. I am scared. The next few days may be hard but what worries me is all the holidays coming up and how for the next six months I will be thinking about how at this time last year it was happening. I am especially nervous about the major stuff, like birthdays coming up, mine, and my son's, both of which were spent with the OW last year. She was welcome at mine and her and myself and WH all hung out drinking the night before and then went to dinner the night of with my son. And for my son's she wasn't supposed to be there but she guilt-tripped me into inviting her, it was also her birthday and I asked her to come over after my son's party at Chuck E. Cheese because it was supposed to be just family, I had even made her cupcakes, but she made me feel bad and I invited her anyway. She was a manipulative bitch, can you tell?

Anyway, then after birthdays there are so many holidays coming up, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day; all of them fall in that six month period and I am scared that it will be extremely hard for me. Anyone have any advice? Or stories of their own?


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 280 | Registered: Mar 2013
hardtimesinlife
♀ 10468
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. Yes, it will be hard. But...this year will be the worst. Each year after will get easier. If you can make new, good memories this year then you will draw on them next year. Look at each birthday and holiday you get through as a "win" for you. Make a mental check mark, reward yourself and glide into the next one. You'll be fine. Keep posting here, too. It helps.


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6178 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
DragnHeart
♀ 32122
Member # 32122
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DDay was close to Christmas

We always do family photos with Santa. I have a picture of wh and our DS in line waiting.

That picture speaks volumes! It's written ALL over wh face...I don't even know how to explain what it looks like. It's just so hard to look at.

Yes, the first everything is hard. Brutally hard. But like the other person said, make new memories. It helps.


Posts: 3689 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
inshockandhurt
♀ 38789
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am hopeful that I can do that and I am trying hard to enjoy events despite the whole affair but I am just scared it won't be possible. Should I just not think about the affair on those days, if I can do that?

[This message edited by inshockandhurt at 12:53 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 280 | Registered: Mar 2013
DragnHeart
♀ 32122
Member # 32122
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was in the middle of a kids birthday party (three years past DDay) and it still popped into my head.

I often wonder if I will ever not think about it. But...it's not something that brings me to tears or makes me see red anymore. Time does heal.

The trick is having a ws that understands that these firsts are hard on you and is supportive. Mine isn't. Not really. He acknowledged some things (like having to pick him up from work where both EA and PA happened). That was hard on me.

It's ok to think about it. It's ok to feel hurt. One day, event at a time.


Posts: 3689 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
inshockandhurt
♀ 38789
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, my husband is pretty supportive and understanding. I sent him an email today letting him know that I was having a hard time with this and he said "I'm sorry I did this to you," it made me feel a little better. I have a tendency to worry about the future a lot and stress over things that are months, even years away and I get overwhelmed so I will have to try to do as you said and take it one day, one event at a time. Thank you.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 280 | Registered: Mar 2013
catlover50
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My advice is to to decide right now that you aren't going to let these special days be spoiled. Why give that toxicity any more room to breathe? Plan ways to make them special. Ask your H to really knock himself out for your birthday.

Forgive yourself if you trigger, but don't go into it assuming it has to be bad. Plan what you will do if you do trigger (my H and I have a secret word)-- deep breathing, a mind clearing mantra, a favorite song or image. Then try to plow ahead.

My H and I shared my most romantic birthday ever this year. I had thoughts, but I kept my focus and had a wonderful day.

Good luck.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1845 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
inshockandhurt
♀ 38789
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 2:35 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought about doing that, but I am not sure I could stomach doing anything for my birthday this year. Last year was spent with him and her together all while they where carrying on under my nose and it just makes my birthday such a major trigger for me that I am pretty sure I will want to spend my birthday in bed this year. However, I was very worried about our anniversary back in May and it turned out to be a really nice day although that wasn't during affair season, I am not sure it would have been the same if it were. I have a feeling though that I will end up celebrating anyway, so I will try to take your suggestions and attempt to make new memories. Thanks everyone.


Me: 29 BS
Him:31 WS
D-day1: caught July-ish of 05
D-day2: caught 2/17/13 6 month EA/PA
Both were with friends of mine
2 sons
Trying to reconcile

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."


Posts: 280 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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