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The Beginning

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inshockandhurt posted 8/10/2013 12:22 PM

Tomorrow or the two days after that mark what I have determined, based on my husband's rather faulty memory to be the beginning of his affair. I am scared. The next few days may be hard but what worries me is all the holidays coming up and how for the next six months I will be thinking about how at this time last year it was happening. I am especially nervous about the major stuff, like birthdays coming up, mine, and my son's, both of which were spent with the OW last year. She was welcome at mine and her and myself and WH all hung out drinking the night before and then went to dinner the night of with my son. And for my son's she wasn't supposed to be there but she guilt-tripped me into inviting her, it was also her birthday and I asked her to come over after my son's party at Chuck E. Cheese because it was supposed to be just family, I had even made her cupcakes, but she made me feel bad and I invited her anyway. She was a manipulative bitch, can you tell?

Anyway, then after birthdays there are so many holidays coming up, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day; all of them fall in that six month period and I am scared that it will be extremely hard for me. Anyone have any advice? Or stories of their own?

hardtimesinlife posted 8/10/2013 12:30 PM

Ok. Yes, it will be hard. But...this year will be the worst. Each year after will get easier. If you can make new, good memories this year then you will draw on them next year. Look at each birthday and holiday you get through as a "win" for you. Make a mental check mark, reward yourself and glide into the next one. You'll be fine. Keep posting here, too. It helps.

DragnHeart posted 8/10/2013 12:40 PM

My DDay was close to Christmas

We always do family photos with Santa. I have a picture of wh and our DS in line waiting.

That picture speaks volumes! It's written ALL over wh face...I don't even know how to explain what it looks like. It's just so hard to look at.

Yes, the first everything is hard. Brutally hard. But like the other person said, make new memories. It helps.

inshockandhurt posted 8/10/2013 12:52 PM

I am hopeful that I can do that and I am trying hard to enjoy events despite the whole affair but I am just scared it won't be possible. Should I just not think about the affair on those days, if I can do that?

[This message edited by inshockandhurt at 12:53 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]

DragnHeart posted 8/10/2013 12:59 PM

I was in the middle of a kids birthday party (three years past DDay) and it still popped into my head.

I often wonder if I will ever not think about it.'s not something that brings me to tears or makes me see red anymore. Time does heal.

The trick is having a ws that understands that these firsts are hard on you and is supportive. Mine isn't. Not really. He acknowledged some things (like having to pick him up from work where both EA and PA happened). That was hard on me.

It's ok to think about it. It's ok to feel hurt. One day, event at a time.

inshockandhurt posted 8/10/2013 13:15 PM

Thank you, my husband is pretty supportive and understanding. I sent him an email today letting him know that I was having a hard time with this and he said "I'm sorry I did this to you," it made me feel a little better. I have a tendency to worry about the future a lot and stress over things that are months, even years away and I get overwhelmed so I will have to try to do as you said and take it one day, one event at a time. Thank you.

catlover50 posted 8/10/2013 16:52 PM

My advice is to to decide right now that you aren't going to let these special days be spoiled. Why give that toxicity any more room to breathe? Plan ways to make them special. Ask your H to really knock himself out for your birthday.

Forgive yourself if you trigger, but don't go into it assuming it has to be bad. Plan what you will do if you do trigger (my H and I have a secret word)-- deep breathing, a mind clearing mantra, a favorite song or image. Then try to plow ahead.

My H and I shared my most romantic birthday ever this year. I had thoughts, but I kept my focus and had a wonderful day.

Good luck.

inshockandhurt posted 8/11/2013 02:35 AM

I thought about doing that, but I am not sure I could stomach doing anything for my birthday this year. Last year was spent with him and her together all while they where carrying on under my nose and it just makes my birthday such a major trigger for me that I am pretty sure I will want to spend my birthday in bed this year. However, I was very worried about our anniversary back in May and it turned out to be a really nice day although that wasn't during affair season, I am not sure it would have been the same if it were. I have a feeling though that I will end up celebrating anyway, so I will try to take your suggestions and attempt to make new memories. Thanks everyone.

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