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Newest Member: meepsy (46028)

User Topic: When WS leaves for AP...how long after Dday?
allfalldown
♀ 39324
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once the A comes to light, how quickly did your Wayward leave for the AP?

Please feel free to share the status of that relationship as well...

Thanks!


Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"


Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was 11 months after d-day #1, but about 1 1/2 months after I found out for sure now-ex had taken the affair underground (I found the secret cell phone). It's been 4 years since he left, and he married OW earlier this year.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12187 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
gma56
♀ 19595
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We separated a month after dday. That was for 5mo and the did a 3 mo false R. He walked out and never looked back,that was 8mo after dday.
That was almost 5 yrs ago and we divorced.
He married Twat last year.

[This message edited by gma56 at 2:22 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20387 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
hangingontohope7
♀ 20024
Member # 20024
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Immediately.

There was no chance of R with him. I left and he didn't even wait a full 48 hours before he starting letting OW stay over.

They officially announced that they were together about three whole weeks after DDay.

My DDay was fairly recent so they are still together. I'm trying not to focus on whether they will make it or not. Just worrying about my kids.


Me: BW
DDay #1 Tried R
DDAY #2 Divorcing

Burn everything love then burn the ashes.


Posts: 247 | Registered: Jun 2008
Housefulloflove
♀ 38458
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ex tried to stay with me and wanted me to be OK with the AP being in his life.

I kicked him out and he immediately *TRIED* (emphasis on the word TRIED) to get his AP to take my place. He was staying at a hotel from the night I kicked him out until he found an apartment 2 weeks later. He asked her to move in with him when he found a place and she (smartly) ran for the hills as she made it pretty clear that what they had wasn't serious and even instructed Ex to work on our relationship.

So to make a long answer short..if the seriousness of the relationship between AP and Ex wasn't a figment of Ex's imagination, the answer would have been "almost immediately."


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Dreamboat
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There was a lot involved because OW was a family member who was on an extended visit with us. I kicked her out immediately and the only place she had to go was xSIL. xSIL did not want the whore in her house either, so 2 weeks after dday xSIL rented an apt for X and told him that he was moving out with whore.

There was a lot of back and forth with X after that. I got whore a plane ticket and sent her back to her home country but she is like a freaking boomerang and she just kept coming back. I finally filed for D 1 year to the date of dday. I have been D almost 7 years. X and OW eventually got M but then broke up after a year or reality. X lost his job and has been perpetually unemployed and he was living with xSIL for about a year. Well, she did not want him living in her house either so she bought him a plane ticket and sent him to live with OW in another country. So OW is stuck with an unemployed moocher. Better her than me! Meanwhile, I dug myself out of debt, I am paying down my house, and I just got a raise ... that I DON'T have to share with loser X!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
hoya96
♀ 28851
Member # 28851
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He moved out a little less than 4 months after the first Dday (previous affair).

I had the 2nd Dday (the AP he was really leaving for) one week after he moved out.

They insisted they were not still together for 4 months after Dday, but I now believe that was simply to buy time in hopes the (6 - my 3 and her 3) kids would not put the puzzle pieces together.

They began officially "dating" (party line to the kids) 4 months after he moved out/Dday.

They were married 21 months after Dday. I believe it took that long only because her divorce was incredibly complicated and not finalized for many months after mine.


Me: 40 and fabulous!
3 children ages 10, 12 and 14
Ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Divorced: 12/10/10
Re-married a wonderful man.

Posts: 330 | Registered: Jun 2010
Grace and Flowers
♀ 34431
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He never stopped the affair, just took it underground. He left 3.5 months after D Day. We divorced immediately. They are still together...they have been seeing each other for at least two years. They don't live together, but they still do work together.

I saw him recently and asked him if he was happy, and if it was worth it, and he said, "No."


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1217 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XH moved out on March 30. I'm fairly certain he moved in with the OW, but he never admitted it.

DDay was April 3. (He came back for clean clothes, and to leave me his dirty laundry.)

I had suspected something was up before that, but he gaslighted and left the house because we had a fight about it, and I was "acting crazy" and he "realized our marriage was a mistake"

ETA: the status of our relationship is blissfully divorced

ETA: just realized you were asking about their relationship, I have no idea, but a friend told me 3-4 months ago that she thinks they're still together (2.5 years later).

[This message edited by Amazonia at 7:48 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13931 | Registered: Jul 2011
sunshine226
♀ 38851
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the day I found a text on his cell he sent his OW, i told him to get the f**k out, he stayed at his cousins that night, one that knew and kept it from me, classy guy!!! And WH moved in with OW the next day, but spent 14 months going back and forth between us, until I told him I had enough, its been almost 5 months since then, he came here once in July and spent the night (on the sofa, although OW thinks he slept on the sofa in our shed, lol)

He is STILL saying he's trying to find a way out, loves me, wishes it didnt happen, wants to be with me

He and OW are still together, she is pretending all is well

[This message edited by sunshine226 at 4:16 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
PhantomLimb
♀ 39668
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Three weeks. We were living apart because of work and, because of the time difference, I had been talking to him when it was still relatively early where he was. I'm pretty sure that he was spending the night at her place (and I know she spent some time at ours) in the evenings. When he was raging at me during DDay#2 he told me that the time difference "freed [his] evenings up to be with her."

I assume that they are living together now, but we have been NC since DDay#2. Our lease was up in July, so it was the perfect time to make the change. He also took himself off of our friends and family plan around the same time.

The last time I talked to him he told me that he wasn't replacing me with her, but he also said that he might begin formally dating her "6 mos from now"... conveniently when all of the D will likely be final.

And they still work together. Particularly with the distance, I never stood a chance.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
kernel
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ha, mine left before Dday, but didn't move in with MOW. He rented an apartment and the affair stayed underground. Lots of denial and gaslighting going on as to why he moved out (serious health issues involved). MOW's adult daughter called me and spilled the beans on New Year's Eve. Happy new year to me. Their grand plan was to wait for 6 months after he moved out, then she would leave her BS and it would be like a fairy tale where they just happened to meet and instantly fall in love and everyone would be so happy for them and their grand love story. Fuckwits. They are still living together.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5337 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
movingforward13
♀ 38405
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Immediately.... Although his AP didn't know I existed. They aren't together any more and he blew his life up for her. He is slowly coming around but hasn't made any formal declarations about trying to work things out with me.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 645 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Bobbi_sue
♀ 10347
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My first H left about two weeks after D-day, to move in with her. I must add here though, if I would have shown the remotest sign I might give him yet another chance, he might have taken me up on it. I filed for a D two days after that D-day and only allowed him to sleep on the couch until he "Found some place." He didn't seem to be looking too hard and one night at 1:00 AM, he was blabbing to OW on what I considered by then be MY PHONE (it was 1992, landlines only...)

I got mad an told him to get out and he did.

He married her after a couple of years (but should I mention after we were fully divorced, he still asked if there was any chance I'd give him another chance...and I said no....) Then he married her. Would suck to be her, wouldn't it? Well I have gotten to watch the trainwreck because we have three kids together and I know more about their lives than I would ever really want to know.

So he has been married to her for over 20 years now.


Posts: 5791 | Registered: Apr 2006
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We attempted to reconcile for about 6 months...when I discovered he was still in contact with AP.

My understanding is they dated another year...then my ex cheated on him with his current partner.


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4283 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Vulcanized
♀ 33523
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I left for 2 weeks 10 days after DD. Spent another 10 weeks gone for the next 5 months, officially left 6 months after DD.

OW apparently was sleeping over right at the first DD. Class act, all the way.

I NC'd XH 5 months after leaving. I've heard they break up alot. I've heard XH whining about wanting to R. I've heard XH is cheating on OW. That one I actually do believe.

Bitch wanted my place; now she's got it.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 784 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Immediately. He walked out on the children and I ~ without even saying goodbye or anything to the kids.

Status of their relationship? Don't know and don't care.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2334 | Registered: Oct 2012
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I left him after waiting far too long for him to pull his head out of his ass. He wanted a wife and a girlfriend--that was never going to happen


Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the tylenol?

Posts: 20550 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Sparkles
♀ 39901
Member # 39901
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Immediately. He walked out on the children and I ~ without even saying goodbye or anything to the kids.
Status of their relationship? Don't know and don't care.

Mine too. Kids have seen him once in 4 months and no visit in sight. Nice for me, sucks for them.


Posts: 138 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: NW
areyoukidding
♀ 30528
Member # 30528
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX took off the very next day. The first week he was gone, he stayed a couple of nights with a friend. He was booted out from there and then he slept in his truck at work for a couple of nights. But it wasn't long after, that he moved into the "haven". On DDay I found a lurve letter from Skankie Pants to my STBX encouraging him to leave me for her and move to the "haven" she created for them. The "haven" was a 750 sq ft low-income housing unit in bad shape in a undesirable part of town with her 3 kids, two dogs and a cat.

He is still with OW but I've heard that she keeps him on a tight leash. I guess because she knows he's capable of cheating. He's in debt up to his eyeballs, maxed out his credit cards,and is trying to borrow money from anyone and everyone. He says he has no cash but has managed to scrounge up enough dough to secretly buy a project car to work on. Skanky Pants doesn't know about it and he's hiding it at his place of work. I've also heard that he misses the "old gang". Poor butter bean...no friends, no money, no freedom, no authenticity in his life...aaawww......how's that workin' for ya?"


BS (me) : 53 Freshly divorced and so very happy. To infinity and beyond!!


Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the number 9.


Posts: 653 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 55
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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