Topic: When WS leaves for AP...how long after Dday?
Member # 39267
| Posted: 6:44 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013|
Immediately. I asked him to move out the first week in Nov. He went back to living in his parents basement and she started coming over 2 weeks later. She recently gave birth to their baby.
He still claims that nothing was going on while we were together
Sometimes you have to stand alone, just to make sure you still can.
Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 32789
| Posted: 10:15 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013|
He moved out 5 months after Dday. Sept. 11, 2011 (the 10th anniversary of 911).
He never even tried to take the A underground. He flaunted it during in house separation.
He now says that I was the one that kicked him out of the house. (He said that I was too much into "his business").
After 2 years since the A started he finally convinced MOW to become DOW (her divorce was final in record time). Days after her divorce was final (as far as I know she's divorced, I have no proof.) Now they are engaged.
She lives in Europe and he is here in Canada. The marriage is so that either can move to the other's country. So far he says they don't know what they will do and it may take 2 years to marry.
My DD told me he is going to Italy on vacation and every time I see him lately I am looking at the ring finger on his left hand. That is likely the only way I will know if he actually marries her.
I guess it's going to be a long distance marriage. And we know how affairs start right?
BS: (Me) 48
Kids: twins DD(11)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved an ocean away June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"
Posts: 1813 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Member # 27539
| Posted: 11:14 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013|
Well, according to credit card records, he was planning on leaving the night he told me. But there was a massive snowstorm so he couldn't make it to the hotel/lovenest they had reserved. He officially moved out ~ 3weeks later after 1 week of NC/R and then after I discovered they had resumed their contact (physically).
Me - 45
2 kids, 12 and 15
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Posts: 1676 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Member # 39193
| Posted: 2:21 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013|
Eight days. And only because it took that long for him to find a new place. He couldn't simply move in with her because she was living with her parents (at 46 years old)... having lost her rental house when she did some jail time last year not long before the A started.
It was lovely... Everyday after work he would go pick her up and they would have dinner out and house-hunt together, then he would drop her back to her parents and "come home" to me and his son who lived with us.
We lived one week like this and every minute of it was hell. On the eighth morning he rented a truck and moved out.
That was nearly four months ago and they are still living together: him, OW, OW's two grown children 19 and 22, and his poor son who turns 18 next month and is literally counting the hours until he can move out.
Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
Posts: 1857 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Member # 29250
| Posted: 6:47 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013|
We separated on D-day. A week later he told me that he was no longer with OW but he still wasn't coming back because he wasn't happy and he wouldn't tell me who OW was either. Bull shit. They never broke up. He started going out in the open with her and MY KIDS about 6 or 7 months after d-day. Once I found out about her (through my kids) I told everyone and their mama. She was a teacher at my children's school so it didn't look too good for her career, plus all her co-workers knew. I also called her husband.
Three months later she broke up with him.
“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 8&11
Married 14 yrs Together 21
Posts: 1622 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 38154
| Posted: 10:46 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013|
On Dday, after he confirmed that he had slept with her during his European vacation (from which he had just returned, I told him the marriage was over.He moved into the spare bedroom that day. We lived under the same roof for 5 awful months - she lived in Europe so he would spend all night on the computer with her. I moved out January 1 (happy new year indeed!)because he wasn't willing to move out soon enough - I was done with this shit.
Divorce was signed by the court on December 12, had to wait 31 days to be final, then he married her 5 days after that. They're going strong by all accounts.
ETA Ran into him by accident a couple of weeks ago. First time in 18 months. He kept on saying how great I looked. Yeah, jackass, I do, don't I
There is no education like adversity - Disraeli
Posts: 230 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 38901
| Posted: 9:43 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013|
Ok - told the speech but found out about OW 3 days later. Told me she had nothing to do with it he was going anyway. How convenient he had her lined up.
They had a 6 wk relationship versus our 26 yrs together & plus our 2 children DD 10 & DS 7.
Told me "I have always put others first & now about me & my happiness". Told him go, have a good life because they REALLY deserve each other. He went to Australia to have holiday with her. They decide in "love" 2 wks later she comes to my country to live. She brings 14 yr daughter & leaves her 12 yr old daughter with dad. She is divorced, 45 & no assets. Her husband had 3 affairs on her.....she felt bad for hurting me and wanted to make sure I knew that....Bless her the little trollop! Told the Ex don't care what she thinks as she is insignificant to me. He thought I was mean!!
He moved in with her 4 weeks later. One big blended family. He told my children she is their step-mum & they need to accept this. In my country need to be separated min 2 yrs b4 divorce so I still have 16 mths to go. Also they are now buying a house together. They tell everyone that cares to listen that they are 1 big happy family. One word...delusional!
Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 38233
| Posted: 10:41 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013|
I confronted her and she swore they were in love. Later that night she left a dozen voicemails on my phone of just her screaming and crying. I went home and ignored the "I'm an idiot. I love you. I'm sorry" crap. I knew what happened. I took her phone and checked her texts.
She told him I was out of the picture and he quickly reneged on everything saying that she misunderstood their situation. He brought up our daughter, his refusal to break up a family and then told her she needed to get me back. She asked for tips, and he suggested she break down in front of me.
I was done. According to my old cell records they kept talking for about a month after that. She cut him off after he tried to con her out of a large sum of money due to some made-up personal hardship.
D-Day: January 2013
Me, BH: 34
Her, WW: 34
Married 10 years
Kids: Daughter, 6
Divorced: Sep 2013
Posts: 46 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 38735
| Posted: 12:28 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013|
My situation was a little different. STBX asked for a divorce out of the blue after a business trip. After he refused to go to MC or work on the marriage at all (he was also gaslighting me like crazy when I would ask if he was having an A) we started making arrangements for him to move out.
I then discovered the A, which I had suspected all along. He was already in the process of looking for a place, but I kicked him out that night. He briefly stayed with a friend and then got an apartment. OW lived in another state, but he has now moved her to our city and they just rented a house together.
BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Happily Divorced 9/20/13
Posts: 1268 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 39324
| Posted: 8:26 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013|
Wow! Thank you for all the responses. I am blown away.
I found apartment hunting history in the browser. I suspect that a move will be in his near future.
Dday was 3 months ago.
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
M- 15 years
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.
"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"
Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
Member # 39074
| Posted: 11:02 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013|
Immediately. It never really was a secret, because I knew of their "friendship" for months before he left. They were planning their lives together and all they had to do was to get rid of their pesky spouses.
The day he moved out, he moved into his mom's apartment, and talked to OW every night. Of course, he also saw her every day at work.
Our divorce was final five months after he left, he then moved in with OW, and married her three months after the divorce was final.
The whole thing was planned to work that way. He would move into his mom's apartment temporarily until the divorce was final, because he knew the slut had a nice big house, complete with a hot tub, waiting for him. She managed to get rid of her husband and divorce him a few months before my ex left me, so the timing was perfect. Why, the douchebag didn't have to worry about a place to live at all! He had a wonderful, fully furnished love nest waiting for him.
Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Kentucky
Member # 21634
| Posted: 11:15 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013|
I experienced five years of false R and 5 ddays. I asked him for a divorce on January 6 of this year. He begged, pleaded and threw up many times wanting me to change my mind. He told our daughters he would do everything in his power to win me back. Within three weeks of him being in his new apartment he was talking to his AP of five years and taking her out for lunch!!!
I don't know how he thought this would win me back!!! LOL You just gotta laugh at the stupidity!!!!
I made the right decision!
BS - ME 43
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"
Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
Member # 36726
| Posted: 2:15 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013|
Dday was almost exactly a year ago (tomorrow). We tried to R for one month but she kept running back over to him so I pulled the plug on everything. She was out at that point. D was final in about 9 months. They were engaged a month after that. I hear the marriage is next month, less than a year from when I filed for D.
BH me 47
WW her 39
2 kids (13, 10)
Filed for D 9/14/12
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13
Posts: 656 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Member # 31648
| Posted: 9:46 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013|
WH gave me the ILYBINILWY speech and then moved out when he rented his own place two weeks later. In the meantime, I had to pretend that nothing was wrong in front of our two children, at his request. He didn't want to tell the children anything until the day he moved out. It was agony for me; I kept hiding and crying.
In those two weeks, I also found out about OW--I did some digging. In the two weeks it took him to rent a place and move out, that OW was history and OW2 was already installed in his apartment. I had no idea of the true situation, however, when I let my children go visit him there.
He married OW2 about a month after the divorce was final.
XWH: Dead to me, after spending half our lives together
"I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible... and enjoying everything in between."-Mia Farrow
Posts: 399 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 36424
| Posted: 10:25 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013|
We had false R for about 4 or 5 months. Then he moved for a "business opportunity" which was really to be with her. Bliss lasted about 1 week for him...
"See that no one repays another evil with evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another"
Posts: 153 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
|Topic Posts: 55|