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Emotional Cutting

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clralb posted 8/10/2013 15:16 PM

Ugh.

I know I shouldn't do it, but I do it anyway. I sometimes check ex's FB page to see what's up.

I'm the one who left the marital home (had a bit of a breakdown), while he stayed in it and paid all bills, etc.

Problem is, the home is in my name only, mortgage, insurance, etc. This is how I justify stalking him on FB, making sure house is still standing.

It's a long, tedious story, but it comes down to the home will be sold when he's good and ready to sell it. He makes the mortgage payments, upkeep, etc. He cannot get a loan in his name (very bad credit).

In order to save my sanity, I no longer push to sell the home or him to buy me out.

This is where my stalking comes in. He'll post upgrades on the home on FB. I see them, get pissed because he'd never lift a finger to improve home when we were together, hence it tears a bit at old scabs.

At this point there's really nothing to be done on my part until he decides to sell it, which then he'll have to track me down in order for sale to go forward. I'll be as responsive to him as he has been to me in the past.

Still kind of tied to the fucktard, unfortunately.

I have to stop looking at his FB page.

heartbroken_kk posted 8/10/2013 16:17 PM

Just go look at his page one last time, and at the very top of the page where it says "friends" click on that button and choose "report/block" and then select "block"

After that, you can't stalk his page anymore.

Say goodbye to FB stalking for good. Just do it.

burnt_toast posted 8/10/2013 16:27 PM

I understand you want to do things the right way and accomodate him, but it seems the house is in the way of cutting the ties you both have, and thus, healing.

Since his credit is bad, couln't he rent an appartment or a house once you sell you house?

Being the one leaving comes with a fair share of guilt, especially when the other person is not doing as good financially, materially, or otherwise. But since you chose to leave, you also chose to detach. It comes with taking less and less responsibilty in his well-being.

Sometimes you need to choose yourself. I know how hard it is.

Kajem posted 8/10/2013 17:05 PM

I understand the looking at his FB page. Blocking him/them was my safety check. I needed to be able to see his page when my DD's were reacting to something going on at his house. I could tell something was happening, but would not ask them.

Anyway, once the kids got older, there was less drama. I found myself checking his FB for no particular reason. It bothered me. I blocked him/her and now if I feel the urge to look(unblock) I ask myself a few questions. Is it necessary for my kids well being? If the answer is no, it makes it easier to pass on that urge.

You can always UNBLOCK, you have to wait 48 hours before you can BLOCK him again. Good for those times when you fall off the no contact wagon, you can get back on.

Hugs,

K

clralb posted 8/11/2013 13:09 PM

Thank you for the reponses.

I do need to stop doing this. It just hurts me more to see how well he has moved on, and it's not a disguise. After all of this time, I'm still dealing with how someone can throw another person away with not so much as a backward glance.

Maybe it's time for IC. I'm stuck.

tesla posted 8/11/2013 14:19 PM

Please block him on FB.
You will feel so much better, trust me.

As to the house...wasn't the house addressed in the settlement? I have 2 years to refinance or the house is to be put on the market. Don't you have something like that? This house is an 800lb gorilla on your back...

clralb posted 8/11/2013 21:02 PM

You'r right, Tesla, it is a huge gorilla on my back.

I left about a month after learning of the affair, lies, horrible gaslighting. He was content with the status quo, living separate lives but still legally married. It went on like this for three years.

I spent a lot of money and time trying to get him to settle on a final divorce settlement but was stone-walled at every turn. It was maddening and really affecting my mental and physical health (dropped down to 100 pounds, friends and family worried).

I decided the hell with it and did a simple divorce, nothing mentioned about house, anything, just officially divorced.

I thought he'd truly want to sell the house ASAP because of his constant gripes about the "quality" of cupboards, etc., his unwillingness to participate in simple improvements.

Well, five years later and his NPD ass is still in it.
NOW he's improving it (I guess because of the new girlfriend).

One day he'll have to sell it, and as I said, I will be as responsive to him as he was to me.

Until then, I am blocking myself from his FB page.

I needed to get this out of my system.

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