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Update on last weekend's "H had a meltdown"

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WaryOptimist posted 8/10/2013 19:52 PM

Thanks to all the hard-earned wisdom on SI, I loaded up his truck with all his stuff, and locked the house. He "respected" my wishes, just knocked twice, then slept in the stand alone garage, where there's furniture waiting to be moved into DS's apartment.

Next morning he's gone to work, and my car keys are missing. After I dropped off DD, I went straight to his office, and even though it was early and not many other people were there, I made it clear that I would make a scene, a BIG scene if he didn't give the keys to me.

I felt so relieved and in control when I took his stuff
out of the house and locked him out. And I felt I had really bought myself some time to work through what happens now. Well, all of that went out the window when he pulled the keys stunt, and I said things to him VERY LOUDLY that I have thought but never said before.

Maybe some of it sank in, because he had a MC/IC appt on his calendar by the end of the day.

I was very concerned about him emptying our account, and when I saw that he had taken out enough to cause our mortgage to potentially bounce, I texted him that the guest room would be made available. Presto, all but $100 comes back into the account.

He's talked with our DD a few times, and she's remaining furious and determined not to once again, as always, forgive and forget his scary, unpredictable, aggressive behavior. She's figuring she won't be driving with him or talking to him much for the next two weeks, and then she'll be back at college. What a loss for him.

DD has hit the nail on the head, and I am so proud of her strength. I'm also taking her tack, and have nothing more to say to him (we did have a sit down at his request. He asked me for the first time that I can remember how my work is going....). He said our MC will want me there, but I've made it clear he needs to use every one of the 50 minutes, not to mention that out of general frustration I've been to see our MC by myself twice since the last joint session. He knows the situation.

So we've got an in-house separation going, and I'm figuring that unless he moves heaven and earth, we'll be officially divorced in 6 months. No kids under 18, pretty straight forward. Shit.

hardtimesinlife posted 8/10/2013 20:57 PM

(((WaryOptimist)))

brkn_heartd posted 8/10/2013 21:21 PM

I am proud of you for taking control. It is difficult. When I took control my WH got his head out of you know where! Take care of yourself, I would talk with an attorney to find out the need to knows!

StillLivin posted 8/10/2013 21:53 PM

All of this is giving me courage! Thank you. I was doubting. I rented a U-Haul and coordinated for some of the football players on my son's team to come tomorrow after reading this post. I am giving him half of everything...no need to be nasty cuz the kindness will kill him more. When he gets off the plane he is being served with the separation papers, and when he gets home I'm giving him the keys to the storage facility and 3 days to find an apartment and get out! He will have no excuses for sticking around to torture me. Now, if he wants to come home, he will have to say "I want to come home...Please."
He has strung me along with mixed signals. He will no longer have the luxury of making excuses if he comes back and later changes his mind. No more crap like if I hadn't need him to come over and fix ??? or you still had my XXX and that's how I got tricked into staying. that I was the one that talked him into coming home when he really didn't want to be here. It's shit or get off the pot time for him. I am giving him 6 months after the separation to file for divorce. And...I've already paid for the divorce cuz I'm making myself have no excuses either!!!

Me-BS 43
Him-WH 45
Married 8, together 9
3 stepkids, 2 I've helped him raise the whole time

[This message edited by StillLivin at 9:58 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]

summerain posted 8/10/2013 23:06 PM

Stil livin and wary optimist

wow. just wow. :)

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