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Does it ever feel like this happened to someone else?

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cuppacoffee posted 8/10/2013 21:59 PM

We are 3 months past DDAY and about 9 months from when the actual A happened.

Sometimes I look at my husband and I can't believe he would have an A. It feels like it happened to someone else not us. Until of course I start to have a mind movie about the two of them and even then it doesn't seem so real.

He's trying to be a good man. He is still weak and has his faults. I just can't believe it all sometimes.

StillLivin posted 8/10/2013 22:14 PM

In the beginning, as in the first few months, it was like that. I'm not in the fog or in stages of denial anymore. Though, sometimes I have moments of unreality and regress. Though then I say how could this have happened to us, not did this happen to us.
DD for me was 3/25/28. So I'm a work in progress with the stages and the healing. My WS isn't even around to pick up the pieces with me.
Good luck! I'm sorry you have reason to be here in a forum for trying to get it all back together after infidelity.

Married 8, together 9
2 stepchildren

summerain posted 8/10/2013 23:01 PM

Oh yes,
it worries/d me... i thought I was going insane! I'm not sure if it's a denial response...
I just mainly don't think it was him.

I would really hope a guide or someone comes along and helps out on this one. I feel like it's rugsweeping maybe?

AML04 posted 8/11/2013 07:20 AM

I definitely have days like this. How could the man I love, the man who helped me through my mothers death, the man who was so upset when I ended up in the hospital after a scary bleed during my pregnancy, do this to us??
I still can't really reconcile it sometimes.

ItsaClimb posted 8/11/2013 07:30 AM

Yup, I had that too, a LOT in the first few months. It felt like the "story" was just a movie I knew very well or part of a much-read book... I knew all the details, but they weren't "real" to me. I think it's a defense mechanism, part of denial. It's almost like your brain knows that this is too much to deal with, so it only lets reality sink in very slowly, in "bite-size chunks".

The mind is an amazingly complex thing!

nomistakeaboutit posted 8/11/2013 12:28 PM

Yes. I think it is part of the denial response, which protects us from the rawness of the trauma. I felt this strongly early on, as others have said. Sometimes (one year after D), when we do the kid handoff, I still have to say to myself, "She is not who she appears to be."

SecondHelping posted 8/11/2013 14:05 PM

I had this feeling for the first 6 months or more. Sometimes 15-20 times a day. I just couldn't believe she could ever do that and do that to me! I guess I used to have her on a pedestal (not any more).

It was about the time I decided to forgive her that these thoughts went away.

BTW, she's still not back on that pedestal.

OldCow18 posted 8/11/2013 16:07 PM

I feel this all of the time. I just can't believe the man I have shared the last 15 years of my life, my best friend, my partner, could really have done this. And it is excruciatingly crushing each time the reality hits that yes, he did do this, and yes, this is my life now.

16forever posted 8/12/2013 03:17 AM

I felt like I was in one of those movies on a woman's network he just was so out of the blue the title would have read 'young love gone wrong ' I never even knew men REALLY slept with hookers I know it sounds stupid but I didn't and the the AP lived down the street he would take fake jogs to her house ... Then he left for her and she did the part of mean AP to a T I couldn't believe what he was telling , I was thinking this can't be the man I married saying all these mean things to me it just didn't seem real , I woke up every morning till he came home the first thoughts were what a nitemare then I would roll over and see what ever child's turn it was to sleep with me cuz I couldn't sleep alone

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