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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've felt like I'm finally finding my way into that magical place we like to call "indifference" for a few months now, but tonight it really hit home.

My SIL (XWH's sister) and her husband invited DS and I to dinner at their home tonight. We have remained close since DDay, she has never accepted OW and is very angry at XWH due to the way he forces the issue of accepting OW.

My kids were XWH's stepkids, but it's been 11 years since they met my kids, and take their role as their aunt and uncle very seriously. Just as I take my role as his daughter's, my DSD, stepmom seriously.

Anyway, we only discussed XWH once during the night and SIL told me that, due to her mother's urging, they finally agreed to go to a gathering at XWH's house, for his birthday at the end of July. She said it was awkward and XWH kept trying to push SIL to spend time with OW, and she avoided it. (Please know that my SIL is the sweetest, most forgiving person ever - this has been very difficult for her).

Here's the seeing the light part. While I was listening to her I found myself just feeling so empathetic to her and concerned for how conflicted she is, I had no thought of XWH at all, zero. I told her that while I absolutely appreciate the heads up (so I'm not caught by surprise because I do still attend the kids' bdays, etc., and they may be there this year), I completely understand that their family has to find their own level of comfort here, and I will respect and support whatever she feels is the right thing to do. (Esp because their mom is 78 years old, and seeing her kids like this is hard for her). I told her what I told her six months ago, though I mean it way more now, lol. That I'm okay now, and if allowing OW to come to a bday party will make her mother happy, that's fine - I can handle it.

And the best part is, I completely meant it this time. And, again, there were no angry thoughts about XWH or OW, I was simply concerned about SIL.

I'm finally getting to indifference!!!! If you haven't gotten there yet, you have absolutely no idea what a feeling of control of my own life I feel right now that I haven't had since DDay. It's just amazing.

Now, all that being said, I'm still going to enjoy my nephew's 3rd Bday party in two weeks, esp if they show up, because my DSD will be there, and she has no desire to be around OW, and my BIL's family just adores me too.

Me: BW-46
Him: XWH-46

Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

Posts: 5292 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's good to read, and good for you! I hope to get there someday. I feel like I keep doing the "two steps forward, one step back" dance. Just when I think I'm closer to indifference, something happens to make me angry.

Still, it helps to read posts like this. I know I'll get there someday. It's just going to take *ugh, the dreaded word* time. Thanks for the hope!

FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 4079 | Registered: Oct 2011
♀ 209
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me: 44
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25687 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love indifference. It's such a hard road to get there, but so worth it.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 20724 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I find little spots here and there were indifference is creeping in. It does feel good.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jan 2012
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay! I'm happy for you. Indifference was hard-won and much appreciated when it took hold.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6708 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Feeling Consumed
♀ 30592
Member # 30592
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't wait for the day to experience what you have now!!! Thanks for the glimpse into what will be.

Spent half my life with an Ahole
D final!!! 11-11

"Obladi oblada life goes on...."

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Wisconsin
Topic Posts: 8

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