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I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel

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persevere posted 8/10/2013 23:10 PM

I've felt like I'm finally finding my way into that magical place we like to call "indifference" for a few months now, but tonight it really hit home.

My SIL (XWH's sister) and her husband invited DS and I to dinner at their home tonight. We have remained close since DDay, she has never accepted OW and is very angry at XWH due to the way he forces the issue of accepting OW.

My kids were XWH's stepkids, but it's been 11 years since they met my kids, and take their role as their aunt and uncle very seriously. Just as I take my role as his daughter's, my DSD, stepmom seriously.

Anyway, we only discussed XWH once during the night and SIL told me that, due to her mother's urging, they finally agreed to go to a gathering at XWH's house, for his birthday at the end of July. She said it was awkward and XWH kept trying to push SIL to spend time with OW, and she avoided it. (Please know that my SIL is the sweetest, most forgiving person ever - this has been very difficult for her).

Here's the seeing the light part. While I was listening to her I found myself just feeling so empathetic to her and concerned for how conflicted she is, I had no thought of XWH at all, zero. I told her that while I absolutely appreciate the heads up (so I'm not caught by surprise because I do still attend the kids' bdays, etc., and they may be there this year), I completely understand that their family has to find their own level of comfort here, and I will respect and support whatever she feels is the right thing to do. (Esp because their mom is 78 years old, and seeing her kids like this is hard for her). I told her what I told her six months ago, though I mean it way more now, lol. That I'm okay now, and if allowing OW to come to a bday party will make her mother happy, that's fine - I can handle it.

And the best part is, I completely meant it this time. And, again, there were no angry thoughts about XWH or OW, I was simply concerned about SIL.

I'm finally getting to indifference!!!! If you haven't gotten there yet, you have absolutely no idea what a feeling of control of my own life I feel right now that I haven't had since DDay. It's just amazing.

Now, all that being said, I'm still going to enjoy my nephew's 3rd Bday party in two weeks, esp if they show up, because my DSD will be there, and she has no desire to be around OW, and my BIL's family just adores me too.

tryingagain74 posted 8/10/2013 23:13 PM

That's good to read, and good for you! I hope to get there someday. I feel like I keep doing the "two steps forward, one step back" dance. Just when I think I'm closer to indifference, something happens to make me angry.

Still, it helps to read posts like this. I know I'll get there someday. It's just going to take *ugh, the dreaded word* time. Thanks for the hope!

click4it posted 8/10/2013 23:37 PM

FaithFool posted 8/11/2013 12:38 PM

I love indifference. It's such a hard road to get there, but so worth it.

tesla posted 8/11/2013 14:22 PM


I find little spots here and there were indifference is creeping in. It does feel good.

Sad in AZ posted 8/11/2013 14:41 PM

Yay! I'm happy for you. Indifference was hard-won and much appreciated when it took hold.

Kajem posted 8/11/2013 16:20 PM

Feeling Consumed posted 8/11/2013 18:14 PM

I can't wait for the day to experience what you have now!!! Thanks for the glimpse into what will be.

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