My ex was never very fit or in good shape. Since the affair with OW started, and now they are pretty set in stone, I have noticed that not only has he lost an extraordinary amount of weight and works out like fiend, but now tries to look like a male model complete with tanning bed, shaving his chest, posting men's fashion on Pinterest (really???), a pod person has inhabited my ex, so that he can keep pace with a 23 year old.
Did anyone else experience similar behavior?
I have once in the past with an ex and actually he kept it up and became a marathon runner. It's like I prep my exes for success. Makes me sick.
I work out with little people crawling under me so I don't do great, but I try.
He gets a porn star little woman, no kids, a good paying job, and time to exercise and be a fashion doll.
I have kids that cry every time I do an exercise and climb me like a jungle gym, while I'm fighting to regain some dignity and self-worth in a trying time. My body did not fare well from having twins in my late thirties.
Now he's screwing someone who takes model photos in her undies, the narcissistic ________.
Just venting. I'm so mad. So sick of cheaters being rewarded when I have to fight so hard for each small measure of success.
All that to say, your ex is a superficial jerk. You are a loving, devoted mother with integriy and class. You are a bigger success than he will ever be. Don't give his stupidity another thought.
Once he started the A he began a real regimen. Our jobs kept us apart this year, but the last time I saw him he was tan and very fit. I remember thinking he looked really good and I got a little jolt... and I hadn't thought that in YEARS. That kind of made me feel like sh*t after DDay a couple of weeks later.
But it's all just part of the delusion, actually. It might be sustainable for awhile, but I really wonder whether its just another sign of the way in which they are running... from everything and mostly themselves.
And it just sucks that you feel left with all of the responsibility while he gets to indulge. My WS also gets to go on like nothing happened, basically. His life stays in tact. We have to rebuild from the ground up.
FTG. That's really all you can say.
And see if you can find a gym that offers daycare. Some do these days. I find that yoga and pilates studios sometimes do and it's a great way to relax.
I have worked so hard, and unless you have twins or more, even if you have children born close together, it's difficult to understand how hard it is, but we all have our own troubles., don't we?
I'm angry he's suddenly making changes he had ten years to make and didn't. Now I'm the out of shape jerk who didn't handle motherhood as gracefully as his new young thing, who had two kids by two men at 21, and at 22 my husband.
I'm angry he let an affair become more important than anything else, and I truly believe him pulling this new physique is yet another way to justify bad behavior.
He had so many years to do this, but only performed a lifestyle change to impress his AP.
Oh we'll. it's saddening, but I am going to keep working on myself and to hopefully be a good mom.
I'm just sad.
Thanks for understanding where I was coming from and replying.
Since the affair with OW started, and now they are pretty set in stone, I have noticed that not only has he lost an extraordinary amount of weight and works out like fiend, but now tries to look like a male model complete with tanning bed, shaving his chest, posting men's fashion on Pinterest (really???), a pod person has inhabited my ex
My ex H pretty much did what you describe your H doing now. Mine actually looked good for a 52 year old, with that in-shape, never married & no kids, blond 38 yo OW next to him.
Fast forward 8 years, and he does not look so great. He is kind of paunchy with gray hair, and deep lines in his face. He looks worn out. Tired. Stressed. And kind of hunched over like he is in pain.
Our boys tell me their dad blew out his knee. Something about going to power yoga with OW (now his wife). Apparently he had to have surgery for that. And he hurt his back too. The kids say he complains a lot, and surgery may be required.
Poor fella. It sounds like a collision with the karma bus.
[This message edited by luv2swim at 1:58 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]
Triplets? Well, shut me up. Plus another? I can't imagine how hard you must work, then to support a stranger on top of it.
And I loved reading that the growing pains of an affair can sometimes procure some strained muscles. Let's hope we are all so fortunate.
I think what makes it so hard is waiting for that karma bus. For some it arrives and for some it doesn't, and none of us know ahead of time if we will feel the satisfaction of knowing that the one who hurt us is on the receiving end of that same hurt.
I can't control that, but I'm thankful I have a place to vent, and that you lovely people understood and let me do so.
Our boys tell me their dad blew out his knee doing power yoga with OW (now his wife), and had to have surgery for that. And then he hurt his back, and he is in pain from that.
I'm sorry Luv2swim - but this just cracked me up! I can just picture it.. I know I shouldn't laugh..
There is nothing like a mid-life flaming narcissist to spice up ones life!
And NO HE DID NOT!!!!
Talk about losing one's marbles...
We can look from the outside and say, you don't need or deserve that shit.
But, remember, you don't need or deserve that shit.
Now, he looks terrible. He looks ill. My friend saw him recently, after not seeing him in a few years, and asked me if he was ill. "Does he have cancer or something? He looks terrible."
His eyes have that vacant-soul look.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
When it first started, he lost a lot of weight, using the excuse that his tummy hurt every time he ate. We went to doctors and this dummy even had a dye cat scan to see what was wrong. Meanwhile, he's drinking like a fish and my gut was screaming that people with bleeding ulcers or stomach cancer can't handle a drop of alcohol.
He then started wearing that AXE crap for young boys. The day I saw him with a leather bracelet and cheap, stupid Irish ring (he's not Irish), I couldn't help but smirk. He looked like an old man stuck in a boy band.
Then, his regular old lazy self came back out. He ballooned up and everyone who saw him, including people who only knew us peripherally and never knew the whole story, said he looked sick. Fat, bloated, pasty and unkempt were the most common descriptions. That's his usual self and comes from a life of doing what he wants, when he wants, and never having to work hard.
Now, OW must have noticed how gross he was looking so he's trying his hardest to get back to what he was when they started out. She thinks she's as athletic as an Olympian and he barely got off the couch when he was here. So, he's trying to follow her lead and looks like an asshole in the process. The funniest thing I ever heard was when the kids told me she bought him a blow up canoe for his birthday. I almost pissed myself thinking of how ridiculous he will look in a rubber raft. I can't wait until he starts eating Whoppers again, exceeds the weight limit on his floatie and sinks to the bottom of whatever pond those two dumbasses try to navigate.
I agree that they all just try to run from themselves. They try to keep up the sparkly facade, and it ends up just failing by epic proportions.
I have kids that cry every time I do an exercise and climb me like a jungle gym, while I'm fighting to regain some dignity and self-worth in a trying time
My kids did this when X bought me a keyboard for Xmas one year because I wanted to learn piano. Now my kids are older, I have a keyboard in my dining room, and a great, close relationship with both my kids.
The crying and climbing won't last long, and you'll get to exercise. Eventually, it might even be your kids who get you moving by asking to go for bike rides, or if they take up jogging.
I like PhantomLimb's suggestion, but if it's easier to work out at home, I think the kids will eventually get used to not bugging you. (I went through this with mine too, but I can't remember at what age they left me alone)
OW is a very big person and I remember that this was a comment he made soon after dday.
He also changes glasses and haircuts and has different moods that are visible.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
He was balding the last couple of years of our marriage and the trend continues. He is well on his way to a George Jefferson hairline now and I doubt he'd just shave it all off. He'll likely be one of those people who hold on to every shred of hair even if their hairline is further back than their ears.
He complains that he can't afford to eat but that hasn't translated into noticeable weight loss.
I know that he is desperately seeking a new host to feed off of but that "man" doesn't change for anything it seems.
He no longer appears to be bathing in Axe as he did while cheating. Although that's a little "?" cuz he is currently cheating on OW, haha!
YOU are doing great. Inside is what REALLY matters, and you have him beat, hands down.