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Newest Member: Ibelieved (46047)

User Topic: Update and question for all
losingmyground
♀ 36070
Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 3:46 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been awhile since I have posted, but I do tend to lurk. Here is my dilemma.

The other BS should up at my work tonight after a year and 2 months has passed. He just found out about his wife's 5th LTA.

What the hell do I do if he shows up again?


Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
Walking
♀ 40102
Member # 40102
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like he showed up because he needs support. Is that your sense? Sounds like sinking man in need of a life raft.

I recommend you get back to him with a letter, that based on your circumstances (I presume this is freaking you out because your WS is no contact with his wife and you do not want to drag this other family back into your families life?) you can not be a crutch for him due to the fragile nature of your family circumstances. Explain that you feel awful for him and in the letter provide a link to this site and tell him it would be a good sounding board and an excellent place for him to begin his recovery and find other resources.

Seems to me like he desperately needs someone to talk with, it can't be you but give him the life raft of SI.

And tell your husband.

If he contacts you again after giving him that. Tell him you are sorry, but you can't help him any further.


Posts: 57 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Midwest
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe he showed up because he wanted to check with you..to make sure the affair with his WW and your WH is still over?

Or to warn you that he is divorcing her..and thinks she may come after your WH?

Or he has new info about the affair..or wants to tell you about broken NC.

It could be many things. I would talk to him. He's not the enemy,after all.

[This message edited by confused615 at 6:48 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8087 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Yakamishi
♂ 38230
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please give him the courtesy of at least a conversation.

I tried to talk with OBW and she literally slammed the door in my face. I simply wanted her to know what her scumbag husband was doing and hopefully get some answers. ANY answer. I got disdain.

Have some compassion, but as the above poster said, don't be his crutch.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
losingmyground
♀ 36070
Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for he responses. We had been communicating about every 3 months as a check in, but I had never met him or her face to face.

I talked a little with him and let him vent about where they are currently. And told him how sorry I was that he found himself in that position again.

The thing is...I cannot relate as my husband has been very good and works hard at making it up to me. She on the other hand won't ever get to that place with him.

He is very angry with her right now. And my gut says he is out for revenge on her and the bonus would be revenge on my husband. I have made it clear that I am not willing to cross that line with him or anyone else.

I did tell him to say hi to his wife for me. He asked if I was going to tell my husband he stopped in and I said yes. And I did tell my husband this morning.

Any other thoughts?


Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 5

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