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My daughter (4) and I are spending the weekend with my family. WH and son (20 months) are home. I told my H how nervous i was to leave. He assured me again how his A was " the biggest mistake of his life" and reminded my again its been 4-5 years since it happened. ( I JFO about a month ago)
Since I left on Friday he sends me pics of him with DS and made sure to facetime twice so i would know for sure he was home. Those things make me feel better but Im pissed that I need those things to make me feel better. How long will I have to feel this way? Do I want to deal with feeling this way? Will I have to have him prove where he is and constantly worry for the rest of my life?!! This sucks.

I'm about a month out as well.

I don't know the answers, but can assure you I have the same questions.

I look at our family. Our life. Everything we've been through...and I tell myself it's worth the fight.

But am I strong enough?

He should want to prove it to you. It should be on his shoulders not yours. For us it took a while to get there though. Now my fWS still takes pictures when she arrives and leaves anywhere she goes. I haven't looked at them in months.
It does get easier with time an effort on both sides.