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Divorce/Separation :
Custody with WS who travels 80%

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 tennispro (original poster new member #39728) posted at 2:22 PM on Sunday, August 11th, 2013

Hi,

WS and I have decided not to reconcile. Well, he wants me to WANT to but in reality he wants his fun and exciting new life and not the burden of an unhappy wife.

Also, I can't stay with a cheater.

Anyway, has anyone dealt with custody issues when one spouse (WS in our case) travels 80% of the year?

Even in the summers he travels so I have no idea how this will work out.

Thank you in advance.

Me: BS 44yo
Him: WS 42yo
Married 11yrs; together 16yr
Kids: 8yo and 3yo
Dday: June 26, 2013
Dday #2: July 22, 2013 - found out same woman and been going on since Dec 2012.
Starting the divorce process. Listing our home. Scared but hopeful.

posts: 40   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2013
id 6443546
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hurtbs ( member #10866) posted at 3:02 PM on Sunday, August 11th, 2013

Big hugs

(((tennis)))

someone will come along with more experience here. I will tell you that in these types of situations, you can expect primary or sole physical custody and it means that he will likely have more financial responsibilities in terms of child care. These are all details you negotiate with your attorney.

I'm sorry that you're here.

Me - 40 something. WXH DDay 2006, Divorced 2012
WBF DDay #1 9/2022 #2 11/2022
Single

posts: 15762   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2006   ·   location: So Cal
id 6443584
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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 3:07 PM on Sunday, August 11th, 2013

My ex traveled a great deal. He insisted that he often had to go traveling on business at a moment's notice (yeah, right ). So our agreement had a 48 hours notice when he could not take his weekly visitation. He took a lot of advantage of this, but I enjoyed the extra time with my kids.

One thing I would put in the agreement would be that "visitation" would not happen when he was not present. I found out that after he moved in with Twat-Waffle that he would insist on the kids being there for "visitation" when he was out of town. This I had real issues with--they were not married and I felt that if he was not going to be present, they would be with their PARENT.

I assume since he has always traveled, you have the kind of flexibility you need to deal with that?

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33182   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Ohio
id 6443588
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 3:17 PM on Sunday, August 11th, 2013

In my state, child support is based on 109 overnights, so you would probably want to ask for more than the standard child support.

Also, XWH demanded he have the first right of refusal if I had to work more than 4 hours, he got the children. OOPS,, he didn't realize it worked the other way, too. So, when he went to work and left child with OW, he had to go and get my child, as I am worried sick she is going to harm my children.

Also I learned anything basically is OK as long as you both agree. So try to think of what works best for you... You won't have set dates, except possibly holidays. And if your children are young and you want them for Halloween, be sure to add this holiday.

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5513   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 6443599
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nomistakeaboutit ( member #36857) posted at 7:34 PM on Sunday, August 11th, 2013

Give him 3 weekends a month and ask for right of first refusal if he can't make it to any of his assigned weekends.

Work from the basic concept that children need consistency and predictability, not visits at the convenience of a parent who travels 80% of the time.

Me: BH 65.........Her: WW 55
DD: 15.......DS: 12. (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................

posts: 1306   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2012   ·   location: U.S.A.
id 6443812
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ninebark ( member #24534) posted at 5:51 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

It all depends on how well you get along.

My exH works out of province three weeks out of the month, so DS lives with me 100% of the time.

Rather than try to stick to our origional agreement which was he got DS every second weekend and access during the week, we just left it wide open for him to do what he wants with DS while he is home. Unless I had something planned I try to keep that week free and open for DS and his dad. He is also entitled to two weeks over the summer should he choose, but for the most part he can't.

He has indicated he wants to take him this march break, which works for me.

He has been good at calling in advance and asking if we had any plans and then letting me know what he wants to do. It has been very successful.

If you are both open to working together to make things work smoothly for your child or children then it can be done. I hope you find what works for you.

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

posts: 630   ·   registered: Jun. 23rd, 2009   ·   location: Canada
id 6445002
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