SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

tennispro posted 8/11/2013 08:22 AM

Hi,
WS and I have decided not to reconcile. Well, he wants me to WANT to but in reality he wants his fun and exciting new life and not the burden of an unhappy wife.
Also, I can't stay with a cheater.
Anyway, has anyone dealt with custody issues when one spouse (WS in our case) travels 80% of the year?
Even in the summers he travels so I have no idea how this will work out.
Thank you in advance.

hurtbs posted 8/11/2013 09:02 AM

Big hugs

(((tennis)))

someone will come along with more experience here. I will tell you that in these types of situations, you can expect primary or sole physical custody and it means that he will likely have more financial responsibilities in terms of child care. These are all details you negotiate with your attorney.

I'm sorry that you're here.

Catwoman posted 8/11/2013 09:07 AM

My ex traveled a great deal. He insisted that he often had to go traveling on business at a moment's notice (yeah, right ). So our agreement had a 48 hours notice when he could not take his weekly visitation. He took a lot of advantage of this, but I enjoyed the extra time with my kids.

One thing I would put in the agreement would be that "visitation" would not happen when he was not present. I found out that after he moved in with Twat-Waffle that he would insist on the kids being there for "visitation" when he was out of town. This I had real issues with--they were not married and I felt that if he was not going to be present, they would be with their PARENT.

I assume since he has always traveled, you have the kind of flexibility you need to deal with that?

Cat

homewrecked2011 posted 8/11/2013 09:17 AM

In my state, child support is based on 109 overnights, so you would probably want to ask for more than the standard child support.

Also, XWH demanded he have the first right of refusal if I had to work more than 4 hours, he got the children. OOPS,, he didn't realize it worked the other way, too. So, when he went to work and left child with OW, he had to go and get my child, as I am worried sick she is going to harm my children.

Also I learned anything basically is OK as long as you both agree. So try to think of what works best for you... You won't have set dates, except possibly holidays. And if your children are young and you want them for Halloween, be sure to add this holiday.

nomistakeaboutit posted 8/11/2013 13:34 PM

Give him 3 weekends a month and ask for right of first refusal if he can't make it to any of his assigned weekends.

Work from the basic concept that children need consistency and predictability, not visits at the convenience of a parent who travels 80% of the time.

ninebark posted 8/12/2013 11:51 AM

It all depends on how well you get along.

My exH works out of province three weeks out of the month, so DS lives with me 100% of the time.

Rather than try to stick to our origional agreement which was he got DS every second weekend and access during the week, we just left it wide open for him to do what he wants with DS while he is home. Unless I had something planned I try to keep that week free and open for DS and his dad. He is also entitled to two weeks over the summer should he choose, but for the most part he can't.

He has indicated he wants to take him this march break, which works for me.

He has been good at calling in advance and asking if we had any plans and then letting me know what he wants to do. It has been very successful.

If you are both open to working together to make things work smoothly for your child or children then it can be done. I hope you find what works for you.