More about letters to OW. It seems like its a popular topic today :)
I can really relate to the need to go back and contact the OW.
In my case with OW, I was very oblivious to everything at first. I trusted my husband fully and never knew what was going on behind my back. In 2010 I saw he got an email from an Old Girlfriend. I told him then to not contact her anymore because I didn't think they need to be talking. He said, she contacted him because she needed closure in their realtionship. WTC? THEIR realtionship ended when we got married 13 years previously. OW was married as well anyway. Anyway....in Novemeber of 2011 I saw a text from the same OW and I was like WTC? I thought you told her to not contact you? (The affair continued the whole time) So, as I feel I should I just "nicely" texted her back FOR dh to make sure it ended. I texted "Please stop contacting my husband".
Well...it continued right along behind my back. Christmas 2012, ( a year later) I found a text to her it just said "merry Christmas" I had no idea there was other contact and ongoing A. I took the liberty to text her back again and texted back...."Please stop contacting my husband. He has a loving wife and no need for friendship with an old girlfriend."
Of course this also didn't stop her/him whatever...I found another text on New Years 2013. I wrote her an email this time that said, Please stop. I am very uncomfortable with this. If you do not stop talking to my husband then I will have no choice to contact your husband. How do you think he will feel about this? I have his email and phone number. (I really didn't I just wanted her to stop).
Anyway--she never stopped. My husband never stopped either until June 25 of 2013--that was the last contact that I know of.
Anyway---apparently now that we are in the process of R, dh has told me that she would get very mean to him every time I sent a NC text or email. She said
"How dare she (me that is) threaten me! I can do what I want. When I want!! She has no right to tell me what I can do. She doesn't know who she is messing with! I can get your man if I want"
anyway---I obsess and obsess over this daily. I never knew her responses to my polite texts because I assumed that after I asked politely that she didn't call/text him back.
After the last email me I sent about contacting her husband...I did find an email that said (from my husband) "Don't worry we can still talk. I am very sorry for my wife's words. She is just jealous of what WE have. I love you!" (insert stupid pet name they have between them).
Anyway---I just want to write her back so badly!!!!! I never knew he sent that. Like someone else posted, I think it makes me look so weak that I backed down and didn't contact her back. I guess this is just my perception?
I just feel she is gloating somehwere thinking--HA that wife! She can't tell me what to do! I can do what I want!
I just want to write her and tell her that she almost destroyed a marriage of 16 years. I have 7 kids. How dare she ? It is so wrong. She stole moments away from me.
Yes, I 100% realize that my husband did this too but it is true that she started the whole contact.
I can't understand why she did she it anyway. According to her, she had a great marriage. She had a great job. She has money. She goes on vacation. She has nice clothes. She has everything.
Then she took my marriage away from me.
I know everyone will say it wasn't her. But I disagree. This is how I feel.
I just feel that she got an idea in her head one day and decided that she didn't care if my husband was married (she knew ahead of time) she was just going to go ahead and come in to our marriage and steal him away. I really feel that was her intent. Not to marry him or anything---she just wanted to make him love her and then drop him. (this was her life long pattern with men).
Anyway---I don't know if I can go the rest of life and not say anything to her in return.
I am obsessed with writing her.