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mixed up - wifetress is pregnant

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million pieces posted 8/11/2013 11:25 AM

Soooo, I'm currently taking my ex back to court for CS adjustment. At first to recalculate it with the work related childcare expenses that I pay 100%. I got alimony for 12 months, so no biggie the first year and after my bad court experience at trial, I just couldn't face it. Well, as child care is >50% of CS and I'm paying my share of medical ins, I started the process this spring. Come to find out that his make WAY more money than the original amount is based, which is 225% my salary. This will change things immensely. Just found this out 2 weeks ago, no wonder he drug his feet and waited for a court order to produce documents.

So last weekend, before heading out to my dad's house for a week vacation w kids, SO, and his son I get an email from ex offering

With all the legal hustle going on, I wanted to pass along an option that could help with your daycare expenses. What if Michelle picks up and takes care of the kids every week day after school until 6? Then, you would not need to pay for SACC.

This is your choice, but I wanted to give you an option to relieve some of your financial burden. It should equalize some things and save you upcoming expenses.

First of all, they are OUR expenses. Secondly, the SACC program is the county run after school program that my kids thrive on. It is economical, run at their school, and within walking distance. And there is a 6 month waiting list. So when wifetress decides that she can't watch the kids anymore, I'm screwed. And I know she hasn't worked since Dec, is taking "classes" (from my understanding she dropped out of HS when she got pregnant at 14) but does she not ever plan on getting a job? (not that that is my worry...) But no, this isn't going to work.

The morning that we leave to go to my dads, it is 5am, my daughter says, "daddy and whore are probably having a baby next year." She got the standard, "that's nice, pretty exciting for you" and just had to move on. She evidently had told SO a few mins before and he overheard this and checked in w me, but honestly I had too much on my mind to process.

Well, I guess I know what she isn't planning to work for a while. Ex is 42, and while she is 32, she has an 18 yr old that just graduated HS. Once again, none of my business, but

I'm sitting here trying to figure out if this impacts CS in any way....

homewrecked2011 posted 8/11/2013 11:47 AM

There is an online calculator for my state, perhaps yours,too? I plugged in numbers and I would get 35 less per month if he had another child w her.

It would hurt me on taxes if I DON"T pay child care-- as there is a tax credit I receive for having my children in after school care.

I think it's a slippery slope to have that chick watch your children. She will probably use them to help with the new baby while she is texting her friends!

I think he's being nice to try to get you to save him some how mean he turns when you give him * crickets* and just have the atty do his job?

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 11:48 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]

devistatedmom posted 8/11/2013 12:08 PM

I think he's just trying to get out of paying what he's suppose to be paying, since he's already lied about what he makes and is not paying you everything he should be. Plus, if she watches them everynight, then he can say he has more custody time and should pay less.

Enjoy your vacation, but make sure when you get back that to make a list...the kids thrive on it, it's close to home and is at the school, convenient to pick up on way home, they help with homework...

You just know he's going to bring it up when you go for CS modification.

million pieces posted 8/11/2013 12:15 PM

Didn't think about her getting my kids to watch the baby. I'm sure she has no clue as she didn't raise her first (her mom did and then he lived with his adopted father for years). If she had a clue then she wouldn't take on picking my kids up from school (15 min drive) every day w a newborn. Or once again, only planning on doing it until baby born and leaving me without after school care.

The online calculator for MD doesn't even have a slot for another child if I'm doing it correctly.

I've had my accountant run the numbers, taking out the money for child care pretax is better than the credit, but it ends up I get both breaks. But if he pays for 68% of the childcare like he should according to the calculator, that is once again more than any tax break I get. (and not sure how you report it as I would continue to "pay" the bill and get the tax for from the county, I guess you just state that you only "paid" for a certain amount).

Anyway, he got crickets over the last week. Was planning on emailing my lawyer w his email and the heads up that wifetress may be pregnant and how/if that affects me.

million pieces posted 8/11/2013 12:18 PM

You just know he's going to bring it up when you go for CS modification.

Yes, I'm sure too. That is why I don't know if crickets or a polite but no thanks outlining my reasons is appropriate. I was planning on making my case to my lawyer and seeing what he says, but wanted to get SI's perspective.

tesla posted 8/11/2013 14:30 PM

If this were to happen in my case, I would use the driving time as being the deciding factor. But in my case ex-shat and stripper-whore live 35 minutes the after scool care offer would be a no-go.

Would that work for you? How much car time would they have if Owife did it vs. if you just picked them up as usual. Plus your concerns about hw help are valid...they are receiving value for the money you are's not just a babysitting service. It's a structured program that benefits them immensely.

million pieces posted 8/11/2013 14:52 PM

Well, their house is 15 mins away, but afterschool pickup is crazy and would require an almost 1hr of her time to drive there, find a parking spot and then wait for the kids. All with a baby? My girlfriends in my community hated it and I generally drove several other kids home each day because of it. But other than the fact that whore would probably stop doing it, especially when she has a newborn (who could commit to that) so who would be picking them up during that time. Or whenever the baby is sick, or it is raining, or snowing, etc.

And yes, it is a structured program with outdoor time, homework time, indoor play/crafts. The kids do a big talent show at the end of the year so they work on their projects all year. And while my ds would rather walk home and play Minecraft w his friends, my dd LOVES, LOVES, LOVES the program. And like I said, it is around the corner from my house so I don't have to drive out of my way to pick up the kids.

Can he use the argument that he shouldn't have to pay if he offers free afterschool care? Really, he travels weekly and leaves the kids in her care already?

tesla posted 8/11/2013 15:02 PM

I suppose he could offer that argument. And wifetress is his wife, right? So there could be something to it.
If it came to it, I would frame the argument like this, free babysitting from unrelated person where father has little to no actual contact time with children VS. structured program administrered by unrelated persons with huge benefits to children.

My state is huge about structure, routine, and parenting time. Her babysitting the kids loses against a well defined after-school program. Talk to your L. But I would leave the "she's caring for an infant" argument out of it.

Kajem posted 8/11/2013 15:14 PM

He can try, BUT if she has been home all this time, he obviously never thought her providing childcare was the better option for his kids before he was going to be charged for it.

Hard to prove you disagree with something when you haven't said one word against it . And only have a negative opinion when it starts to cost you.

Good luck, but I don't think he will be able to push this particular issue.

Hugs ,


tryingagain74 posted 8/11/2013 15:53 PM

Boy, oh boy. They'll do anything to save a buck, won't they?

I hope the courts side with you on this one. I would think that the precedent has been set-- the kids are already thriving in an after-school program with a solid reputation. Why would any judge think that a stepmother picking them up after school and watching them at her home would be a better alternative (ETA: especially if your XWH isn't even there)? Maybe if the stepmother were an educator herself or had a homeschooling background and planned on providing them with a structured learning environment, it might be a viable option, but she didn't even raise her own kid. I imagine that after school at her house would involve TV, TV, and some video games thrown in for good measure to fill the time.

Sending you court mojo!

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 3:54 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]

million pieces posted 8/12/2013 19:53 PM

Crap, ex sent his request to my lawyer. I sent my lawyer a list of reason why this won't work for me. Sigh. I do NOT want that whore watching my kids on a daily basis.

caregiver9000 posted 8/12/2013 20:16 PM

A possible compromise that could work in your favor:

Suggest that you are willing to "try" his idea, but that child care at the SACC must be maintained and paid for for a "trial period" of 6 months. Set a date, like the end of February.

This way you CAN'T lose your spot, you have a fall back plan, and when they use the SACC because something comes up, you have concrete evidence of why it must be continued.

I would also insist that the drop off at 6 be done by them not you picking up. The added inconvenience in time and travel should not be taken on by you.

Make their solution uninteresting and inconvenient.

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