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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: Got dumped out of the blue
fraeuken
♀ 30742
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got dumped out of the blue, via text message of all things. This by the man whom I just planned Labor Day weekend in Napa with. His reason: he does not trust me.

Backstory: he knew I was going to be out for GNO. My girlfriends and I had planned to be at a certain location and I had mentioned it to him. Then one of the girls changed the location last minute to a different place to try something new. SO was out of town anyhow, I did not mention the change of venue. Well, instead of coming back to town on Saturday, he came back Friday night, expected me to see me at this place and did not. He did not contact me, only when I texted him to check in he blew a gasket at me that I was not on GNO but lying and cheating. And that we were over!

I can't even begin to understand. Accusing me of lying and cheating after what I have been through is almost worse than the breakup itself.

Needless to say I tried to explain the situation to him but he had worked himself into such a paranoia that there was no way to have him see his error in judgement.

He was cheated on in his marriage. Not sure I did something to trigger him. I am just stunned, stunned and really hurt to be dumped this way.

No new relationship for me ever again. I made myself vulnerable again. Never again.

[This message edited by fraeuken at 11:59 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG I'm so sorry! I thought things were going so well.

My gut response is the "He who smelt it dealt it." here, which doesn't offer much solace. Has he been insecure (regarding your relationship specifically - not his past) like this previously? If not, it seems like he may be projecting something happening on his side of the fence.

Whatever the reason, it's heartbreaking and I'm truly sorry. If he was going to wig out like this at any point, you dodged a longterm bullet here.

Please let me know if you need anything. I'm here for you.

(((fraeuken)))

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:04 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]


"Sometimes people are mean, and sometimes things will be hard. One of your jobs is to try and make sure that that never makes you mean and hard, too." Cord Jefferson's Mom

Posts: 18278 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
gma56
♀ 19595
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry but it sounds like he has some serious unresolved issues. This exactly what we don't want to take into our NB.

I understand being upset you weren't at the place you said you were going but why not just call/text and ask ?

Without him doing his own work, you dodged a bullet that would have come out later in the relationship.
You can't fix him, we have learned that lesson well.


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20387 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I learned in counseling,,,"what do you KNOW, versus what do you THINK?"

It's unfortunate he didn't try to find out the truth before the blow up. He's probably always going to be like this---maybe he has always been this way......


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2321 | Registered: Jan 2012
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry. He really jumped to conclusions, and probably would do it again...do you really want to live like that?

As for this

No new relationship for me ever again. I made myself vulnerable again. Never again.
I've felt this way time and time again, but you know what? Hearts heal...your's will too....(((fraeuken)))

[This message edited by better4me at 12:18 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3235 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweety, I think you dodged a bullet. Why the hell was he looking for you on your GNO? That says more about him than anything you could have done. I have a feeling your life with him would have been one mistrustful encounter after another.

I am sorry that you're hurt, but try to see the bright side.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20432 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
million pieces
♀ 27539
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweety, I think you dodged a bullet. Why the hell was he looking for you on your GNO? That says more about him than anything you could have done. I have a feeling your life with him would have been one mistrustful encounter after another.

I was going to mention this too, why would he be trying to track you down on a GNO? And really who has concrete plans for something like that?


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1278 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
fraeuken
♀ 30742
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks and I know I might have dodged a bullet. Doesn't lessen the hurt right now. I am sure glad my best friend from Germany is coming to visit tomorrow. I need the distraction.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
phmh
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((frauken)))

This sucks. And you're right -- even knowing that you dodged a bullet doesn't make it hurt any less. But you are strong and resilient and learned some lessons from this which will help in your next relationship!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3465 | Registered: Dec 2011
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((fraeuken)))

I'm so sorry. To be accused of something and then broken up with out of left field? It has to be painful, confusing, and frustrating. Sending you strength and huge hugs.


Posts: 36434 | Registered: Mar 2011
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In your first posts about him you mentioned he seemed a bit insecure about the age difference.

I think he may have decided to test you. It just seems a bit too deliberate to show up at the place you were supposed to be at on a GNO. Who does that? An insecure person...


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17689 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aw, that sucks. I'm sorry Frauken.

Sadly I can see myself reacting in the same way he did. Not that I would accuse the person of lying and cheating - but I may well have ended the relationship if I was told one thing and found out it wasn't true. But that is why I am not in, or looking for a relationship. I'm not ready - I'm guessing he isn't either.

[This message edited by Take2 at 1:05 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4162 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
fraeuken
♀ 30742
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. There has been a continues underlying insecurity about the age difference even though in our daily interaction and physically it did not ever matter. Or so I thought. And I let him know when he brought it up that I have never been with anybody as passionate as him and that it was not an issue ever.

I don't want to be tested. I am loyal to a fault. I was very clear with him that I will never tolerate infidelity and will never be unfaithful because I have been on the receiving end of it.

Looks also like he left town. Not showing up at church, his friend mentioning to me this morning that SO is not picking up his phone. I am worried about this side of him. Goes to show, love makes you blind.



Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
wildbananas
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry, fraeuken... this really sucks. Even though you dodged a bullet, it doesn't make it hurt any less.

(((fraeuken)))


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15433 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
cayc
♀ 21964
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I predict you will hear from him after he calms down. I think he it sounds like he thought he was doing something romantic (going to stop by and meet your girlfriends) so when he didn't find you, he felt rejected in two ways.

Idk what you want to do about it when you hear from him b/c his actions are over the top. I guess it will depend upon what he says. The feelings he's having I get, it's just what he's doing with them that ... give pause.

I'm sorry to hear this. But you know what? You reached out, enjoyed yourself, learned that you're ready to date and ... you are. This one just may not have been it. You've nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of.

(((frauken)))


"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott

Posts: 3144 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh frauken, I'm sorry to hear this.

His reaction, though, is very similar to reactions that my ex-shat would have to things he was feeling insecure about...right down to the disappearing act. I think that you will hear from him again. If you do, please, proceed very cautiously.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4734 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
fraeuken
♀ 30742
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks you all :-) Church was comforting and put things into perspective; now I am re-organizing the kitchen and getting the house ready for my friend to arrive tomorrow (her first time to the US). I picked a nice bottle of wine, got some steak for the girls and me for dinner and will just relax with a movie on my brandnew couch.

I will admit I miss him and I miss the thought of his embrace and kiss and the feeling of just chilling with him like we did so many nights for the past few weeks when my DDs were gone on vacation with their father. I will miss the laughter and the conversations. But I do see the red flags - as passionate as he is, he is very jealous, he can be controlling and I think because of his own unresolved hurt in the past he would not be the stable partner I need. I learned from him I can love again and I experienced a level of passion I never have in my 44 years. Maybe that's all it was meant to be.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((fraeuken))))

I hope you have a good visit with your friend.


I learned from him I can love again and I experienced a level of passion I never have in my 44 years. Maybe that's all it was meant to be.

um... that is a lot!!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5906 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
stillstrong
♀ 36144
Member # 36144
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I learned from him I can love again and I experienced a level of passion I never have in my 44 years. Maybe that's all it was meant to be.

That's a wonderful attitude, and I'm happy for you that you learned that much (and experienced a higher level of passion). When the pain fades, hopefully it will help you to move on, knowing that more/better is out there.
I also, like the others, think you dodged a bullet here. The need to defend yourself must be strong for someone as loyal as you.


Me BS 47
Him WS 51
DDay LTA Feb 21, 2006
R until DDay 2EA's 1/31/12 ONS 2/5/12 Broken NC 7/12/12
Moved out 9/12
Legally Separated 3/13


Posts: 848 | Registered: Jul 2012
hexed
♀ 19258
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Freuken))


I'm sorry this happened.

I had a wonderful 4 month relationship with someone during the first summer I was dating again. It was passionate and intense and doomed. It still hurt but it did remind me I could feel again. It took a while to recover but I did and dated and loved again.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8489 | Registered: Apr 2008
Topic Posts: 35
Pages: 1 · 2

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